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View Poll Results: Who wins?

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  • Luther "Rochedan" Wright

    1 20.00%
  • Dominic "Sid" Faire

    4 80.00%
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Thread: Luther Wright Vs. Dominic Faire --- A chaotic battle!

  1. #1
    Senior Member Rochedan's Avatar
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    Luther Wright Vs. Dominic Faire --- A chaotic battle!

    Greetings fellow writers of the writing lounge and other readers from other parts of the forums. This written battle is between two gladiators:

    Dominic 'sid' Faire - by Birtdog
    and
    Luther Wright - by Rochedan

    Unfortunately, due to absence of Birtdog, I am forced to post my entry without further waiting for his return and his entry. Our ultimate deadline was set for today, because I am leaving towards Indonesia for a deserved vacation. Birtdog, if you're reading this, you can still send your entry towards Mecha-Hewitt. He will edit the thread and add a poll.

    I will return in three weeks, hopefully I will see a finished poll along with feedback on our entries!
    Of course, feel free to read and comment on my entry before Birtdog has send his.

    Rochedan's entry:

    My entry in google.doc format (original lay-out)

    Forum version: (This one does not have the italics and proper lay-out! I advise the google.doc!)
    Spoiler for Rochedan's entry:


    BirtDog's shizz
    Spoiler for BirtDog:
    Last edited by Hewitt; 07-29-2013 at 11:01 PM.
    Luther (Rochedan) Wright

    His story

    A man chooses, a slave obeys

    Apex-Predator is the creator of my avatar, this guy is awesome!

  2. #2
    Notorious B.I.G Shady BirtDog's Avatar
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    I posted on time! I made the deadline! *Victory Pose*
    Sorry for the inactivity.....things came up.
    There is a fine line between GENIUS and INSANITY. I have erased this line and replaced it with a TROUT.



    Spoiler for THIS TROUT:

  3. #3
    Senior Member Rochedan's Avatar
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    Send your entry toward Mecha-Hewitt. Im in the hotel lobby on my smartphone, i cant do editing
    Luther (Rochedan) Wright

    His story

    A man chooses, a slave obeys

    Apex-Predator is the creator of my avatar, this guy is awesome!

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Added it. VOTE AWAY!

  5. #5
    Notorious B.I.G Shady BirtDog's Avatar
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    Thank you.....thank you so much for the title xD

    My "shizz"....you know me so well <3

    EDIT: Why no "shizz"? ω[⊙^⊙]ω
    Last edited by BirtDog; 07-31-2013 at 01:15 PM.
    There is a fine line between GENIUS and INSANITY. I have erased this line and replaced it with a TROUT.



    Spoiler for THIS TROUT:

  6. #6
    In Great Detail Nightlock's Avatar
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    Rochedan: Your entry was OK. It wasn't bad, but I didn't get the feeling that this was a battle. It seemed more like an extension of Luther's story line. While that isn't something that would necessarily make your entry inadequate, the truth is the initial meeting between the two wRHG's didn't occur until about two-thirds of the way through. The fight itself didn't actually start until very close to the end. These two factors had me really disappointed when I eventually finished. And the fight that was described in greater detail, the one between Luther and his trainer, Bellatrix, could have been much smoother with the right vocabulary. If I can make a suggestion? Try keeping your heavier story related pieces separate from your wRHG battles. That way readers get what they're looking in their respective threads. That's how I'm doing mine. ^^

    BirtDog: I thought your entry was great, with nice use of Prologue and Epilogue. It's actually kind of a guilty pleasure of mine to come across both Prologues and Epilogues that are strictly dialogue (lots of logs in that sentence ) and nothing more, so bonus points for that. ^_^ The fight was detailed nicely, making me wish you had written more. Next time write more.

    I hate to admit this, but this battle wasn't very difficult for me decide. My vote goes to BirtDog. ^^
    The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail.
    Spoiler for Old Gifs:

  7. #7
    Blending City ErrorBlender's Avatar
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    Rochedan ::
    As Nightlock has said, your work is heavily story based. Truthfully, I had liked the interaction between characters and the development of Luther. Thought, you could have melded battle and story more closely and give equal bits to each of them. In that way, you'd be appealing both to story-reader and battle-goer. All-in-all I still liked your work.

    BirtDog ::
    Your story was simple but far from bland. You colored the scene with the insanity known as Sid and delivered a good battle. I especially liked Sid's introduction. I could really picture that eerie part clearly in my head. Creepy.

    I liked both works and each had their own way. In any case, my vote goes to BirtDog.



    Spoiler for :

  8. #8
    Senior Member Rochedan's Avatar
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    Alright, I finally found time to read your entry Birddog, and I must say I am impressed!
    Your grammar was flawless and you really paid attention to your lay-out. I mean: " " {I don't even know how to make tow different brackets :P }
    Anyway, there were a few things I found annoying because I know my character best of course, but this is just because I'm a perfectionist. '
    1: It's Roch NOT Roche
    2: Luther can only use the energy burst when almost dead and enraged... in your story he was only enraged...


    I hope you liked my story as well..



    @Nightlock, thanks for your CnC, I know I need to work on my vocabulary.. I'm not a native English or American you see, my vocabulary is pretty limited.
    Last edited by Rochedan; 08-07-2013 at 07:14 AM.
    Luther (Rochedan) Wright

    His story

    A man chooses, a slave obeys

    Apex-Predator is the creator of my avatar, this guy is awesome!

  9. #9
    Not your average Joe
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    Both were really great. I personally think Birtdog's part was better. If I could still vote, I'd vote for him. The epilogue and prologue were both great and added so much to the story(in my opinion). Also, the battle was fantastic and very interesting.
    The coolest guy you'll ever meet.

  10. #10
    Notorious B.I.G Shady BirtDog's Avatar
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    Alright Rochedan, I have returned from my own self-imprisonment and finally read your piece. I deeply apologize for not doing it sooner.

    First off:

    Quote Originally Posted by Rochedan View Post
    Alright, I finally found time to read your entry Birddog, and I must say I am impressed!
    Your grammar was flawless and you really paid attention to your lay-out. I mean: " " {I don't even know how to make tow different brackets :P }
    Anyway, there were a few things I found annoying because I know my character best of course, but this is just because I'm a perfectionist. '
    1: It's Roch NOT Roche
    2: Luther can only use the energy burst when almost dead and enraged... in your story he was only enraged...
    My bad, I wrote "Roche" on accident but it slowly started to take over everything before long. I was pronouncing "Rochedan" with a long "O" so I believed that it was spelled "Roche" with the "e" to signal the strong "Oooo" sound. But it was my fault for not paying attention to that. I'm sorry.
    ---
    I had the Chaos Leak (which is something I need to add) give him more access to his abilities. I let the Chaos make him more violent and give him the power of the energy bursts, kind of a double-edged sword....I don't know lol. I just thought it made sense to me to let him get a huge spike in power. Sorry I didn't stay true to your character; I dislike disrespecting people.


    SECOND!!!:

    Holy Balls, man!!! I actually loved your story a lot. I did feel the battle wasn't as eventful as it couldv'e been (and I kept seeing a naked Luther....soo....no bueno lol), but I felt that foreshadowing you brought to Dom's fight that came from the spar with Bella was a grand idea. I also loved this new side I saw in the Luther written above; gotta say that I didn't see this like...adolescent minded and innocent Luther when I read your character page, so the character development you made was a nice read. But what I loved the most was how well you portrayed my character; I felt the deepest respect seeing the images you painted in Dominic. You made him creepy, wickedly random, and portrayed the ingenuity of the Whispers excellently. My only problem was when you implied the Whispers don't like Chaos. The Whispers and Sid love that thing, although they also "police" it in a sense so that there can be no overabundance of Chaos that THEY didn't create. To them Chaos is under their rule, he is the selfish Prince of Chaos, and anyone who tries to overthrow that rule will be punished. Dominic is the one who doesn't like Chaos, so I can understand him targeting something Chaotic, but he wouldn't use Chaos to fight Chaos, he would find it best to take the Chaos away with him somehow. Now if you meant to have the Whispers trick Dom's hate of Chaos into him fighting Roch (which I assume is where you got the Chaos from) then that was a brilliantly development and I have no problems with it.


    I could tell what was thrown off by the Google.doc and with that being said I also liked your grammar and structure. Your syntax (the actual construction of a sentence) needs some work but you did great for a non-native English writer (I'm assuming based on what you told Nightlock).


    I really loved your entry and I would love collaborating with you if you want to meld more of our stories together.
    Last edited by BirtDog; 08-13-2013 at 10:26 PM.

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