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View Poll Results: Who won?

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  • Agent Chris/TyTheGamerGuy

    3 50.00%
  • Digkid/Digkid

    3 50.00%
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Thread: Agent Chris (TyTheGamerGuy) Vs. Digkid (Digkid)

  1. #1
    I like BACON TyTheGamerGuy's Avatar
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    Agent Chris (TyTheGamerGuy) Vs. Digkid (Digkid)

    I challenged Digkid and we battled, and now that we're both done, here they are.
    We had a minimum amount of words of 1500. Mine has 3,650, his had 1,651. Please vote fairly on both of our parts!

    Agent Chris (TyTheGamerGuy)
    Spoiler for TyTheGamerGuy:


    Digkid (Digkid)
    Spoiler for Digkid:
    Spoiler for The coolest wRHG clan EVAR:
    My wRHG-Agent Chris
    Quote Originally Posted by Scarecrow View Post
    overuse of swear words is fucking necessary as fuck

  2. #2
    The CHICK Hawk Chamel's Avatar
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    For Ty:

    -Okay bro, WAAAAAAY too many commas/splices. You can connect a lot of those sentences with conjunctions. However, in some instances throughout your piece, you overused some conjunctions like 'but' and 'and' (Lol) Maybe rewording some of the sentences would help you connect them better and make them flow easier. Get it?

    -Your range of vocabulary seems... Limited; as if you are only allowed certain words. For instance = 'gasped'. Instead of 'gasped' you could have used 'drew in a sharp breath of pain' or something like that. To grab a reader's attention, widen your vocabulary so it makes them visualize different scenarios. There are different severities for each word, and you can use that to your advantage. Like 'breathed' can be changed to 'sucked in a breath. Little varuations like that can go a long way!
    HINT: THESARUS

    -Your description skills are rather mediocre... You need to describe the scenery a bit more. Like when your character pulled up to the casino, what were some more sights and sounds he could see/hear? Anything interesting that might also interest the reader for a split second? You had simple stuff down pat, like the Audi R8 and the Lamborghini, but were they black and white? Colored? Did their engines pur or were there any malfunctions in the systems? DESCRIBE YOUR SCENERY with more effort and it can help you big time.

    -Okay, so you did alright on the word count, but that doesn't matter. Quality over Quantity: one of your closest friends when it comes to writing. Draw your scene out and don't rush it (unless it's extremely unimportant, like picking up a penny or some shit). This kind of adds on to the whole description scenario. Describe, Take Your Time, Accomplish. Three easy steps!!


    ~Hope I helped. Digkid, you're up next when I can read it. I'll vote then!~

    Dig:

    -Bro, you have my vote. For a few reasons. You used the single to your advantage and it spurred Digkid's rage, which was good. Your description of your surroundings was better (but still needs work, read above about scenery).

    -However, unlike Ty, you needed to use more commas rather than less. Find little areas (like after 'surprise' on several occasions) and fix those.

    -Dialogue spacing. It doesn't [always] come after a short paragraph. I'm still working out quirks with my dialogue, but I can help you a bit. If there's close to a paragraph of words, don't end it with dialogue. It makes it seem a little sloppy. Try starting a new paragraph with sometimes, followed by the way they said it and maybe a small action. [Sometimes you can continue the sentence too]

    -Me and you both need to work on something: Nitpicking. Going in and finding small mistakes; they can mean a lot. Some small grammar mistakes, misspelled three-lettered words, etc. Find those and fix it, it helps.

    ~~Good job both of you! Digkid gets my vote however. I hope I helped in some way or another~~
    Last edited by Chamel; 08-01-2013 at 11:06 AM.


    Spoiler for OP CURRENT MASCOT:
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    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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  3. #3
    In Great Detail Nightlock's Avatar
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    Ty, your story was full of stop-and-go portions in the midst of the fight that were hard to look over. So and so did this. Such and such happened. So and so was angry. You can easily combine the sentences to keep the flow, and add description to keep the length. There were also some improbable events that occurred that kind of irked me, like a 15 year old inside a Las Vegas casino, but the ending kind of fixes that... somewhat. I did enjoy the outcome, and the semi-twist ending, so kudos for that. ^^

    Dig, I felt that your battle was a more likely scenario. There a number of typos, but that could easily be fixed with some proof reading. Though your fight wasn't as intense as Ty's, I would have to say that between the two, you had the better entry.

    My vote goes to DigKid. ^^
    The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail.
    Spoiler for Old Gifs:

  4. #4
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    My vote goes to Ty. The whole situation reminded me of how a real action movie like James Bond or something like that would work. Both of the characters interested me in this part. The best of course was the true fight of when they were in the tunnels.
    Digkid, Yours didn't interest me very much. The way you had Chris die in your story was sorta... lame. I thought that you should have it a little more "actiony". The way he died because of a falling pickaxe was not that cool, to me.
    Good luck to both of you in your next battles.
    The coolest guy you'll ever meet.

  5. #5
    Sentient Training Dummy buckethead's Avatar
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    What do you know it's a tie
    Do I look like a dummy to you? The answer is yes because I am a training dummy named Fred.

  6. #6
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    Congratulations guys!

  7. #7
    I like BACON TyTheGamerGuy's Avatar
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    Thank you, Hewitt. I'm actually really surprised that three people voted today. It's sorta funny actually. Well, good job and good luck in your next battles, Digkid.
    Spoiler for The coolest wRHG clan EVAR:
    My wRHG-Agent Chris
    Quote Originally Posted by Scarecrow View Post
    overuse of swear words is fucking necessary as fuck

  8. #8
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    That is three more people than what is usually around tbh. We don't get much voters in thsi section unless its a Tournament match. 6 people is alot trust me.

  9. #9
    I like BACON TyTheGamerGuy's Avatar
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    Well, that makes me feel me special. I'm so happy I could just rub that rabbit until the day I die.
    Spoiler for The coolest wRHG clan EVAR:
    My wRHG-Agent Chris
    Quote Originally Posted by Scarecrow View Post
    overuse of swear words is fucking necessary as fuck

  10. #10
    Sentient Training Dummy buckethead's Avatar
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    Good luck to your future battles ty
    And don't forget to update our scores in the hall of warriors
    Do I look like a dummy to you? The answer is yes because I am a training dummy named Fred.

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