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Thread: The Roommate Chronicles of Janice and Sabine

  1. #1
    The One Who Did The Thing TwitchyPidge's Avatar
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    The Roommate Chronicles of Janice and Sabine

    I wanted to actually create a story for my lovely ladies as their lives progress. So here it is so far!

    First up is sort of an intro to the dynamic of their lives so far. Not action packed but it's got character (in my opinion anyways, please feel free to agree/disagree below!)

    Spoiler for The First Few Months:

    There you have it, it takes place kind of where I left off with the demo, which Janice's profile is linked in my demo if you've yet to check that out! Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think!

    -Twitch
    Last edited by TwitchyPidge; 07-30-2015 at 12:03 AM.
    "She's scary... ; _ ;"
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    "But that Hunky man-bod though."
    ~Crank

    First plan of action: POKE IT WITH A STICK

    WRHG:Janice

  2. #2
    The Grand, Exalted, Etc. Malacal's Avatar
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    Do you want CnC? I'd be happy to provide some CnC. CnC is nice. I'm going to give you CnC.

    I really only have one piece of advice to give, it deals with dialog. In your long beginning section of dialog, I imagine two girls staring at each other while absolutely nothing else happens. It's like two stone statues are conversing. You need to have actions enhance the dialog a bit more. I mean, they stand there, one flicks blood off her shirt, another at one point crosses her arms. Yay, so much stuff is going on here. Basically, more action, even if it's Janice trying to maneuver past Sabine to get to the alcohol

    That is all <3
    Full Title: The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate and Honorary Spokesman for All Men in General

    Everyone wants a certain song to play when they enter the room. Adding it to your signature is the next best thing. Even better is when it's not ten-hour Kirby dubstep remix.
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