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Thread: Dracustos the Draconian

  1. #1
    I'm a trash mammal. GeneratorRexDragon's Avatar
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    Dracustos the Draconian

    Full Name: Dracustos Amitola Achak ("Amitola" Native American for "Rainbow, "Achak" Native American for "Spirit")
    Nicknames: Draco, Drac

    Spoiler for Powers/Abilities:


    Spoiler for Weapons:


    Spoiler for Weakness:


    Spoiler for Story:


    Spoiler for Personality:


    Spoiler for Appearance:


    Spoiler for A demo that needs to be redone:



    Battles: 5
    Spoiler for VS:

    Points: 3/0/2

    Availability: Fighting Mr Abra Kadabra.

    Clan: The Coils of Nehushtan (Member)

    Playlist
    Spoiler for People I Wanna Fite:

    Spoiler for Fan Art:
    Last edited by GeneratorRexDragon; 04-12-2017 at 08:30 PM. Reason: Because I can

  2. #2
    The One and Only
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    I'll get to CnC later, but I suggest you use spoilers. For a cleaner look.

    EDIT:

    Cnc
    Spoiler for CnC:
    Last edited by XDHunterNest; 03-08-2014 at 10:26 PM. Reason: CNC
    My wRHG: Zackeroar

    My[[YouTube]]channel: Channel

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    XDHunterNest 759

    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then paste this into your signature.

    Spoiler for Motto:


    Made by the awesome Mantha :3

  3. #3
    Musician, Writer, Asian Ken_Rou's Avatar
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    Though I haven't been on this forum for that long either, from experience, I can tell you a few things.
    First, your sentences are SOOO hard to read. As XDHunterNest said, you have a very unique and interesting character. But what's the point of writing something no one can read? This is why paragraphs and space between quotes exist. What happens if you don't is that the reader will not understand who is saying what to start. This was a huge problem for me too.

    Second, your weaknesses for the character are too "weak" (ba dum chee). Most of them make sense, but I feel like you don't have enough. Personally, the ratio of abilities/weaknesses for this character is around 7:3. Add more weaknesses, or be more specific with your existing ones.

    On the other hand, you have a very descriptive tone, which in this case helps greatly. Though there were minor mistakes, your grammer is well too. Clean it up by using spaces and put spoilers on the longer ones.

    Don't know if my advice will help, a I hope you have a swell time here!
    人の中にある憎しみなんて消すことは出来っこないよ。隠す事は出来るけど、ね

    My wRHG: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...9345-wRHG-Aiba

    My wRHG Clan: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...ebels-of-Peace


  4. #4
    Ashes to Ashes Canis Majoris's Avatar
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    I'll go for my own CnC, then.
    Spoiler for CnC:


    Regarding powers, I like them. It's not every day you get a draconian in RHG (or even wRHG), and I feel the powers are actually quite balanced. While adding another weakness won't hurt, I'm pretty sure it's balanced enough.

    I'll be loving to face this character in a battle someday.
    I'm back, baby.
    wRHG - Madeleine

  5. #5
    I'm a trash mammal. GeneratorRexDragon's Avatar
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    I apologize for the hard-to-read sentences. I'm new and don't exactly know how the text in these threads work.
    Last edited by GeneratorRexDragon; 04-12-2014 at 11:02 PM.

  6. #6
    Musician, Writer, Asian Ken_Rou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by GeneratorRexDragon View Post
    I apologize for the hard-to-read sentences. I'm new and don't exactly know how the text in threads work.
    It's fine. We're here for ya
    人の中にある憎しみなんて消すことは出来っこないよ。隠す事は出来るけど、ね

    My wRHG: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...9345-wRHG-Aiba

    My wRHG Clan: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...ebels-of-Peace


  7. #7
    The Hero-wannabe Matthew Murphy's Avatar
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    Improvements needed!

    How much did you write? 5000? But still, I like it! Maybe the appearence could be a little normal without the scales...... ^~^
    Last edited by Matthew Murphy; 04-03-2014 at 07:17 PM. Reason: Sudden change of mind

  8. #8
    I'm a trash mammal. GeneratorRexDragon's Avatar
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    Thanks for the comment. And I would do the spoilers thing, but I don't know how. Could you share this great secret with me?
    My wRHG: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...-the-Draconian

    My deviantART: http://dragonlover101040.deviantart.com/

    A knight is sworn to valor
    His heart knows only virtue
    His blade defends the helpless
    His might upholds the weak
    His word speaks only truth
    His wrath undoes the wicked

  9. #9
    Secret Psychopath Crank's Avatar
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    {spoiler=Witty to Semi-witty title}Lots of words.{/spoiler}
    {}=[]
    Spoiler for Witty to Semi-witty title:


    Welcome back?

  10. #10
    I'm a trash mammal. GeneratorRexDragon's Avatar
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    Thank you very much!
    My wRHG: http://forums.stickpage.com/showthre...-the-Draconian

    My deviantART: http://dragonlover101040.deviantart.com/

    A knight is sworn to valor
    His heart knows only virtue
    His blade defends the helpless
    His might upholds the weak
    His word speaks only truth
    His wrath undoes the wicked

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