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Thread: Derrick Ozer (Dozer)

  1. #1
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Derrick Ozer (Dozer)

    Name:
    Derrick Ozer (Dozer)
    Alignment:Neutral Good
    Spoiler for Abilities:


    Spoiler for Fighting style:


    Spoiler for Weaknesses:


    Spoiler for Story:


    Spoiler for NPCs:


    Spoiler for Personality:


    Spoiler for Ethics:


    Spoiler for Appearance:


    Spoiler for Demo:


    Battles:
    Vs. Electroid (Spyrix). Link. Won!
    Vs. Rogue (RuDe). Link. Won!
    Vs. Gamma (Vern). Link. Lost.
    Vs. Lost (PitchEnder). Link. Won!
    Vs. Serif (Crank). Link. Spar.
    Vs. Riley Sanders (IgnusBurns). Link. Forfeit.
    Vs. David Macbeth (Alphaeus). Link. Spar (Though I did win in the polls).
    If you want to fight, give me some sort of link to your RHG.

    Availability: No. School.

    Hitlist:
    Ask to be put on the hitlist. Bold means i'm coming for you next.
    Spoiler for Hitlist:


    Relations:
    Spoiler for Relations:


    Spoiler for Additional Info and things that have been asked:


    Points:
    3/1/0/1

    I think i got everything.
    Last edited by Urako; 08-19-2017 at 10:19 AM.

  2. #2
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Damn. I like this guy already. Only gripe is the first ability, the enhanced reflexes and stuff. You could say in the story that, before going out to RHG, he had trained with the staff rigorously. That'd back that power up. Nobody automatically has super-reflexes after a car crash.

    But yeah, I love him. Simple yet has a ton of potential, and the staff seems like it could be a very useful tool indeed.


  3. #3
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    Damn. I like this guy already. Only gripe is the first ability, the enhanced reflexes and stuff. You could say in the story that, before going out to RHG, he had trained with the staff rigorously. That'd back that power up. Nobody automatically has super-reflexes after a car crash.

    But yeah, I love him. Simple yet has a ton of potential, and the staff seems like it could be a very useful tool indeed.
    The story said he trained for 2 years. 1 Year without the staff, and 1 year after he got the staff. That's why he has the above average reflexes, endurance, and intelligence. But even then, it's just above average. Anyways, just thought you might want an explanation.

    Thanks for the feedback.
    Last edited by Urako; 02-18-2015 at 02:05 PM.

  4. #4
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urako View Post
    The story said he trained for 2 years. 1 Year without the staff, and 1 year after he got the staff. That's why he has the above average reflexes, endurance, and intelligence. But even then, it's just above average. Anyways, just thought you might want an explanation.

    Thanks for the feedback.
    Oh whoops, skipped that sentence. Probably why I missed the "year withe the", might want to fix that.


  5. #5
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    Oh whoops, skipped that sentence. Probably why I missed the "year withe the", might want to fix that.
    I hate typos. I fixed it.

  6. #6
    The Grand, Exalted, Etc. Malacal's Avatar
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    It's a miracle. This is the first time I've seen a new RHG made and them not be... horrifyingly made.
    So, congratulations on not making a shitty character (a very lukewarm compliment, I know).

    But, your format still has the problems some others do. The more detail you give about a power and the less separated it is, the cleaner and more professional your page looks. So what I'm saying is, condense your abilities and weaknesses a bit. Also, the levels of power of your staff should be put under your staff abilities.

    For Example:
    True Sadness: Angston grows more in power the sadder he gets, it just so happens he has alot to cry about. Eventually he reaches an inhuman level where he gets green-lantern like powers, but this also acts as an emotional release and weakens him the more he uses it.

    Also, please don't add True Sadness to your character's abilities. :P
    But umm, does that make sense?
    Full Title: The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate and Honorary Spokesman for All Men in General

    Everyone wants a certain song to play when they enter the room. Adding it to your signature is the next best thing. Even better is when it's not ten-hour Kirby dubstep remix.
    wRHG: Omega
    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then prove it with your words and actions, you git.

  7. #7
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Also, do the charges create light? And I might tussle with you in future, throw me on that list.


  8. #8
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    Also, do the charges create light? And I might tussle with you in future, throw me on that list.
    I think it would create light, but only a little. You have been added.

    You should also know that i can't animate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Malacal View Post
    It's a miracle. This is the first time I've seen a new RHG made and them not be... horrifyingly made.
    So, congratulations on not making a shitty character (a very lukewarm compliment, I know).

    But, your format still has the problems some others do. The more detail you give about a power and the less separated it is, the cleaner and more professional your page looks. So what I'm saying is, condense your abilities and weaknesses a bit. Also, the levels of power of your staff should be put under your staff abilities.

    For Example:
    True Sadness: Angston grows more in power the sadder he gets, it just so happens he has alot to cry about. Eventually he reaches an inhuman level where he gets green-lantern like powers, but this also acts as an emotional release and weakens him the more he uses it.

    Also, please don't add True Sadness to your character's abilities. :P
    But umm, does that make sense?
    I am i bit of an amateur. I'll see what i can do to improve it. I don't know how to do any condensing with this character, but it'll fix the kinetic charges.

    As the the new power, nice pitch, but Dozer's the kind of guy who does something about his problems. (Yes i know it's a joke.)
    Last edited by acutelatios; 02-19-2015 at 01:20 AM. Reason: Please don't double post

  9. #9
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Why did you mention that you can't animate? Did you accidentally click on my RHG instead of my wRHG?


  10. #10
    The Madman DelorMaximus's Avatar
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    Just dropping by C:

    All and all it is a very balanced character. It doesn't have any glaring OP stats but he is not basic either. The kinetic staff adds some tasty spices into the mix, so overall it has a lot of potential.

    Unfortunately I was a bit disappointed at the demo. Whilst giving the quick read I honestly thought that this was a miracle (as Malacal earlier mentioned) and that this was a truly perfect 1st drop. But when I opened the demo, I got brought with my feet on the ground quite violently. Not that the content is bad or anything, because it is not. It just lacks development. Try expanding your sentences, express feelings and thoughts that the characters have, describe the details of the environment and what reactions it might trigger into the characters.
    In other words, don't write a movie script, but a story.

    On a side note I am available if you have any questions or if you just want some tips (and tricks ).
    Cheers,
    Alex


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