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Thread: Derrick Ozer (Dozer)

  1. #11
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    Why did you mention that you can't animate? Did you accidentally click on my RHG instead of my wRHG?
    Yeah pretty much.

    Quote Originally Posted by DelorMaximus View Post
    Just dropping by C:

    All and all it is a very balanced character. It doesn't have any glaring OP stats but he is not basic either. The kinetic staff adds some tasty spices into the mix, so overall it has a lot of potential.

    Unfortunately I was a bit disappointed at the demo. Whilst giving the quick read I honestly thought that this was a miracle (as Malacal earlier mentioned) and that this was a truly perfect 1st drop. But when I opened the demo, I got brought with my feet on the ground quite violently. Not that the content is bad or anything, because it is not. It just lacks development. Try expanding your sentences, express feelings and thoughts that the characters have, describe the details of the environment and what reactions it might trigger into the characters.
    In other words, don't write a movie script, but a story.

    On a side note I am available if you have any questions or if you just want some tips (and tricks ).
    Cheers,
    Alex
    Thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to try to do better next time. Anything else?
    Last edited by acutelatios; 02-19-2015 at 12:22 AM. Reason: Please don't double post

  2. #12
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    I think you should edit your posts instead of double-posting, mate.
    Last edited by RichardLongflop; 02-18-2015 at 02:22 PM.


  3. #13
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    I think you should edit your posts instead of double-posting, mate.
    Yeah, i don't really know to much about editing posts. (This is embarrassing.)

  4. #14
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urako View Post
    Yeah, i don't really know to much about editing posts. (This is embarrassing.)


    Also, reading through the rest of your guy.

    Spoiler for Demo thoughts:



    I see you attempted to go for some heavy action here, but it's all compressed and shoved together, causing the name repetition problems among other things. You'll get better with practice and CC though. Also, I liked the end. How's THAT for Being Human weaknesses, Recall?


  5. #15
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post


    Also, reading through the rest of your guy.

    Spoiler for Demo thoughts:



    I see you attempted to go for some heavy action here, but it's all compressed and shoved together, causing the name repetition problems among other things. You'll get better with practice and CC though. Also, I liked the end. How's THAT for Being Human weaknesses, Recall?
    I feel really bad. I'm going to need a lot of practice before a real fight.

    And your character's much scarier than Recall.
    Last edited by Urako; 02-18-2015 at 02:48 PM.

  6. #16
    Gold Member RichardLongflop's Avatar
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    Yeah, I noticed some similarity between Handy and Recall :P

    Also, don't feel bad. With what I told you you'll already start improving!


  7. #17
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WafflesMgee View Post
    Yeah, I noticed some similarity between Handy and Recall :P

    Also, don't feel bad. With what I told you you'll already start improving!
    Thanks.

    (The difference is Handyman is subtle.)

  8. #18
    The CHICK Hawk Chamel's Avatar
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    Oooh. This is new~
    I really like what you've done with him; pretty impressive I must say.
    --
    However, I must agree with Waffles and Delor~ At first sight, he's very promising, and everything seems damn near perfect, until you get to the demo.

    Delor gave you some helpful hints on what to focus on, and Waffles nitpicked a bit; I definitely recommend adhering to their advice, they're both fantastic people/writers.

    I look forward to seeing works from you! And welcome to the Lounge

    (On another note. Is Derrick humanoid? Or stickfigure? If the former, could you mind inserting an appearance section describing him? Such as hair, facial features, etc?)


    Spoiler for OP CURRENT MASCOT:
    Spoiler for Old Stuff <3:

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    wRHG

  9. #19
    Senior Member Urako's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chamel View Post
    Oooh. This is new~
    I really like what you've done with him; pretty impressive I must say.
    --
    However, I must agree with Waffles and Delor~ At first sight, he's very promising, and everything seems damn near perfect, until you get to the demo.

    Delor gave you some helpful hints on what to focus on, and Waffles nitpicked a bit; I definitely recommend adhering to their advice, they're both fantastic people/writers.

    I look forward to seeing works from you! And welcome to the Lounge

    (On another note. Is Derrick humanoid? Or stickfigure? If the former, could you mind inserting an appearance section describing him? Such as hair, facial features, etc?)
    He is a Stickfigure.

  10. #20
    The CHICK Hawk Chamel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urako View Post
    He is a Stickfigure.
    Okay! Then disregard that last bit~
    But welcome anyway~!


    Spoiler for OP CURRENT MASCOT:
    Spoiler for Old Stuff <3:

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    wRHG

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