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View Poll Results: Who pulled through the win?

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  • The Absolute

    5 55.56%
  • The Beast

    4 44.44%
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Thread: Lobotomizer (Kalena "The Absolute" Eirwen) vs Azure (Leoncio, "The Beast")

  1. #11
    Blending City ErrorBlender's Avatar
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    It was never intended that way. Just stating a fact we all know.



    Spoiler for :

  2. #12
    The Grand, Exalted, Etc. Malacal's Avatar
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    So the only real advice I can give you Azure, is that sometimes you'll use a word twice in rapid succession. There is a simple fix: Don't. I would suggest proofreading for these.

    Edit: Lobotomizer, you had an incredible story behind yours. I wasn't really impressed by the battle aspect, but the overall story was great. The only thing I didn't like, was the for the first four clauses you said the word "months". I know there was intended to be emphasis, but you went about it wrong. It would've been better if you reworded them to not include the word months but once or twice at most. But damn, I really liked the story, so the vote goes to you.
    Last edited by Malacal; 10-27-2015 at 03:41 PM.
    Full Title: The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate and Honorary Spokesman for All Men in General

    Everyone wants a certain song to play when they enter the room. Adding it to your signature is the next best thing. Even better is when it's not ten-hour Kirby dubstep remix.
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  3. #13
    It's a Cruel world. Cruel's Avatar
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    I feel like Lobotomizers build up to the fight was much better executed, however the description of the fight itself got a little confusing at times for me at least.

    Azures was the opposite, the events up until the fight itself weren't written as well it seemed, but the intensity of the battle itself really got me into it.

    Azure got my vote on this one, but it was a really tough decision because lobo's got me really into his character.
    Quote Originally Posted by GMR View Post
    Thanks for making me feel worthless!
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    Spoiler for quotarino's:


  4. #14
    Washed-up. Haru's Avatar
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    Who's this scrub called sketchpen?
    Anyway, I'll read this later.

    Spoiler for WHO I SUPP:

    I will remember you, Iwata...
    Quote Originally Posted by Richard
    ...but you just dealt me a crisp one right there.

  5. #15
    The Grand, Exalted, Etc. Malacal's Avatar
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    There are certain things that are even unknown to mods. Sketchpen is one of them.
    Full Title: The Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate and Honorary Spokesman for All Men in General

    Everyone wants a certain song to play when they enter the room. Adding it to your signature is the next best thing. Even better is when it's not ten-hour Kirby dubstep remix.
    wRHG: Omega
    I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior. If you're not afraid to admit it then prove it with your words and actions, you git.

  6. #16
    just a writer roBEAT's Avatar
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    I'm so damn impressed by both of your stories. Well done guys. Don't even know who to vote for yet. I might even read those battles a second time.

    However I do got a question for you Azure. One might not notice it because of the tension and flow of the battle, but it seems like you are switching tenses without any reason pretty often especially at the start of your battle:

    Leon looked up to see a fist coming to meet him. Taken by surprise, he’s knocked flat on his back. He holds his nose, tears streaming from his eyes.

    Later into the battle:
    The power of the beast slowly sparked back in Leoncio’s heart, and he moves towards Kalena in a haphazard manner, his movements increasing in speed yet still retaining their refinement.

    I might not be a grammar genius but aren't you even switching tenses amidst a sentence while the action appears to be linear? This might be wrong.
    There are plenty of examples where you suddenly switched tense aren't there?

    I don't think one should do it like that but what do I know? Did you do it like that on purpose?

    Spoiler for Some "deep" thoughts:


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