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The dance of the dying flame

Started by: Madness_Brothers | Replies: 3 | Views: 787

Madness_Brothers
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Oct 7, 2016 4:37 PM #1463625
S: Well, this is the continuation of 'A Reaper meets an Angel' hope that you would enjoy it. ^^

The dance of the dying flame (Click to Show)
DelorMaximus
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Oct 8, 2016 6:19 PM #1463706
So, grammatically its good. Didn't spot syntax errors or faulty lexic. Only problem I have with it is that I have no goddamn idea whats going on.

Like who's Klaus? Who's Freeze? Who the hell are those people? What the hell is going on?
But that might just be me...I enjoy having all the information.

Both stories (too lazy to write two different posts, sorry lads) are very fluid and enjoyable. They have good flow, they give character depth. Really great reads.
Also I'm smelling romance, which is always nice. I love when writers add some flesh and emotions to their characters. Great shit fam.

Now the real question is...why is this not a wRHG yet. You're clearly a talented writer and, disregarding your raw form, definitely have a future in this community.
All I can say is keep up the good work and enjoy your stay.

If any help needed, don't hesitate to call. ;)
Madness_Brothers
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Oct 8, 2016 6:31 PM #1463707
S: Well, thanks. Me and my brother didn't had a wRHG yet because we weren't really confident in our writing style. We also have a lot of precious characters that could define us very well and we can't choose one of them as they are all part of us, but soon you would see us with a fighter.
Crank
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Oct 15, 2016 12:57 AM #1464254
Bloobly Danny


You rang?

In all honesty, this was pretty adorable! Beyond that though, no one who knows only one language can smack talk someone's second, as far as I'm concerned. Happy to have you aboard, and your grammar is heads and tails better than mine would ever be in anything other than English! There were a few tense situations (like, past tense words, present tense word, not pressure on the shoulders sort), but I feel like someone who learned it more recently would do a better job describing when to use them and when not to.

The two times I noticed this were here though:
"Hey, did you saw the performance?"
His encounter with Klaus was a surprise, as he didn't wanted to be seen or heard when he played the piano

Here, did already puts the sentence in the past, and in the past you see it. I feel like that makes no sense and I apologize, but even grammar stuff was few and inbetween.

Delor, can you or Vern word this better for me though? Pretty please?

And you don't have to only post stories about your fighter! Good to see more than violence with them, but once you've picked, they aren't all you get to write about.
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