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Dozer (Urako) vs Serif (Crank): Spar

Started by: Urako | Replies: 10 | Views: 2,496

Urako

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Nov 5, 2016 3:41 AM #1465910
A friendly spar between me and Crank which means no poll. As always, feedback is appreciated.


Dozer VS Serif
(Kinetic Staff | Bolas, Hunting Knife, Gravity Altering Talisman)


Crank's version (Click to Show)
ut Derrick was getting the feeling a watched clock never ticks, either. Sighing as he glanced at his phone again, he placed it on the small table before him before fiddling with the straw in his pop can. Maybe the meeting falling through would be better than worse, it wasn’t like Serif was his first pick anyway. Had she not fallen off the map after The ‘Hero’ of New Salem nearly drowned her, he would’ve gone for Strikebound. There was speculation that she was dealing with a similar situation as him, but he hadn’t heard a word of her since she quit, despite looking... which just left him with her opponent. Unlocking his phone, he checked the tabs he had open on the gladiator. If Serif didn’t keep fighting people with more-than-durable-skin, he’d likely have a body count. Setting the device back down, Derrick brought his hands to his head. Yeah, it was a bad idea… but if Decks had information on the people close to him, he’d need help from someone farther away.

Glancing outside, the afternoon light was beginning to dim. Winter was coming, and it’s chills were already eroding the days away. Crossing his arms, he leaned back in his chair, but when he heard the door ding, he opted out of closing his eyes to take a quick glance. They opened wider upon the sight of the man. Granted, it was who he was hoping to see, but… not exactly in what he was… expecting. He looked like he was wearing a recently killed white dire wolf, still bloody and draped over his, even bloodier, vest and shirt. If he wasn’t getting used to how those stains looked, he would’ve assumed it was just the natural color of his leather.

Between his blatant staring and the fact the coffee shop was lacking many patrons, it was clear to Serif that he was the man who requested the meeting, and after buying a drink of his own, he sat down across from him.

“I uh,” Scratching the back of his neck behind his hood, Dozer tried forcing a chuckle, “Suppose you missed the part where I asked for the meeting to be inconspicuous?”

Taking a sip of his coffee, Serif nodded.

Shrugging, the late teen hesitantly mimicked the movement. “Did you hear why I wanted to talk to you, at least?”

“You wanted to speak to me about Dex,” Winters confirmed, “But I would like to know why.”

“He…” Dozer paused for a moment, trying to gage how much of his personal life he could spill out, “Well, I heard you were looking for someone too. Olivia, I think her name was?”

“Is her name the only thing you know of her?”

A pregnant pause fell on them.

“...Yeah, sorry.”

Serif inhaled deeply before slowly taking another sip of his drink. Setting his paper cup back on the table, he let the silence settle before looking Derrick in his brown eyes. “You said ‘too’.”

“Right, I did,” Dozer forced a half smile only to lose it just as fast, “Rachel, my sister.”

“You have my condolences, I have a sister myself. Is she older or younger?”

“Younger. I…” Dozer cleared his throat, “I was there when it happened… She tried- did save me… And now I have to save her. It’s… it’s why I’m here.”

“Then I wish you well in your quest,” After taking another quick drink, he inquired, “But why have you sought me out? Do you suspect our enemies to be one in the same, or is it simply for the common ground?”

“It could be either,” His words came out like a somber confession, back to playing with his straw, “To be honest, I don’t know what Decks would want with a child, but then again, I have no idea what he’s after anyway…” The silence lingered for a few moments before he looked up to face Serif, perplexion plastered on his inked face. “...What?”

“Dex?”

Leaning back into his chair, Dozer nodded hesitantly.

“...Dex was killed this morning.”

Decks?”

“The serial killer who used a device to trap his victims into a realm of his control for his amusement?”

“I…” He shook his head in disbelief, “Are… how do you know?”

“I watched him die.”

How?” Suddenly upright, urgency sped Dozer’s word’s, “How did he die? Who killed him?”

“Two of his creations, as well as myself. I threw my knife into his chest, and a young woman ripped it out and stabbed him to death with it.”

Was she-

“I apologize, her name was Ida.”

A heavy breath quivered out of Derrick’s body. “...And my sister?”

“I was of the impression his captives would return to this world.”

Under the impression? But where? How?

“I didn’t ask.”

Without warning, Dozer’s palm slammed on the table. “You didn’t ask!” Serif took another sip of his drink; the other patrons were beginning to stare. Some began packing, others reached for their phones. “But you knew there were others?”

“My plan wasn’t initially to kill him, Dozer. The situation became complicated and fell out of my control.”

“And his cards?”

“His what?”

His cards!” Voice booming, Derrick was growing frantic, “Decks’ cards! Did he have his cards on him!”

“I didn’t look. I didn’t know I should’ve looked. What was special about them?”

“His name is Decks!” Jolting to his feet, the younger ran his hands through his hair, beginning to pace wildly. “And that’s where he held my sister! You said you saw him die? Then how could you not know about his cards!”

Gradually, Serif rose to his feet. “He was trapping people in an entire world when I crossed his path…” Carefully, he strode to Dozer, “When, exactly, did he take your sister?”

“A world? He doesn’t create worlds! I’d been training to set her free for over two years now! And y-”

“Two years? Over two years?” Dumbfounded, Serif stared at the young man as he neared his boiling point, “You don’t think he could advance his technology in that long?” Derrick was near popping a blood vessel, but looking for a kidnappee himself, with a sister of his own, Serif couldn’t pull his view out of the situation. “A serial killer took your little sister and for two years you do nothing but train? While he could do anything under the stars to her?”

“Don’t you dare say another word.”

“How can you call yourself her brother?”

The sound of a thud echoed through the small cafe, wood crashing on the floor in a horrific bang soon after, as the table failed to catch Serif’s body. Dozer’s phone practically exploded from the hard fall, and coffee spilled like blood under the cracked furniture, slowly spreading to Serif, blinking on the ground as his cheek pulsed with pain.

“Get up,” Dozer looked unhinged, breathing heavily as his shadow cast over Serif, “You’re a gladiator? Then this is a challenge.”

Checking under his eye for a gash, Serif’s gaze hardened as he looked up at the man. “I decline.”

Reaching into his pocket, the hooded teen withdrew a small black staff the size of his palm, quickly extending to be the length of his body, pointing it down at Serif’s face. “You ask me how I call myself a brother when I dedicate two years to getting strong enough to save my sister, but then you don’t lift a finger to make sure others are alright when the chance is right in front of you? How can you call yourself a ’hero’? The challenge was a formality. Get up.”

“If I don’t?”

Dozer’s eye twitched and his teeth grit. Part of him wanted to ram his staff into Serif’s eye and leave him unconscious on the floor, but underneath all his fury, the ember of his honor still burned. He couldn’t hit a man while he was down, much less down and unarmed, but he couldn’t let that stand either. Violently ripping himself away, he stomped off a few paces before whirling around.

“You know what? I don’t care if you want to fight or not! You want to talk about me training? Fine. But at least I’m ready and know what I’m getting into.” Holding his ground, his eyes burned holes into Serif’s skull as the inked man sat up. “You chase everyone who tries to get close to you away. I talked to Krystal about you. She wanted t- she was going to help you, but when she saw how quick you went for the kill against Feather, and how quick you just blew off her word, you made her think you were dangerous and not the kind of person who should be around a child. I asked the RHG what they thought about you, and they told me that after fighting Krystal you cut a man’s hand off like some psychotic vigilante? They think you’re a horrible investment and told me outright that if Nightshade or Kyra were still active, they’d use either to carve your name out of their system. You have no one, you need someone, and I have people, but I need someone Decks doesn’t know about.”

“Again, Dex is dead.” Slowly, The Hero of New Salem rose to his feet.

“I don’t know why, but you’re lying. If Rachel was gone, I’d know, and if she was back, she’d call me.”

Two years passed.

“I needed to get ready for what I was getting into! Who saves Olivia when you die at the end of your suicidal rush? You think you’re invulnerable just because you have a mission? Grab your weapon, I’ll show you just how dangerous this world can be!”

Frowning, Serif slowly reached into his vest, only to realize neither of his weapons were a good match against a staff. It could easily tangle a bola, and it’s range was too long to get close with his blade, which lacked the weight to block a swing. Unsure, he picked his coffee cup off the ground, lid somehow have remaining attached. Swishing it around momentarily, he took one final swig of it’s contents, but as he lowered the cup, his teeth latched on the rim, subtly removing it. In a swift jerk, steaming contents flew forward at his foe, who even startled was able to raise an arm to shield his face, still yelping as a small portion sneaked by, searing his jaw and just above his eye.

Staggering back as he frantically tried wiping it away, the sound of charging footsteps stole his attention, and as he snapped his gaze to Serif, he caught the glint of a knife as it was thrust forward. In a panic, his staff glew green as he swung it wildly, blind luck saving him as its center struck his assailant, causing the man to stumble to the side. With a sharp twist while Dozer retreated the opposite direction, his weapon’s light shifted blue, and in a burst, a ball of kinetic power rushed from the end of his weapon, ramming into Serif’s palm and knocking his knife through the store, metal clanging on the ground as it bounced.

Shaking his wrist, Winters and Ozer matched a glare before the later’s weapon began emitting a light once more. With barely a second thought, the hunter grabbed the nearest chair and launched it forward, but it’s slow speed made it easy to evade for the younger man, red slipping into the blue and creating a deep, luminous purple. Grunting, Serif began pacing towards a small round table as the red began dominating the color, Derrick’s entire weapon beginning to shake as he struggled to stabilize it. Without warning, it fired like a cannon, and quick as he could, The Hero of New Salem flipped the furniture, ducking behind his makeshift shield. He expected an impact, but what he got was closer to an explosion. Wood splintered upon contact with the red orb, pulverising the table and sending it’s shards forward like shrapnel, impaling into the hunter, barely slowed by all his layers. Howling as his back oozed crimson, the Gemini lost his balance, falling to his hands and knees before pushing off the hardwood floors and scooping a handful of the larger pieces of oak.

Whirling around with a fury, he barely aimed the first shard, easily knocked aside like a baseball as Dozer charged his next shot, but his next chuck was a strike for the man with the staff, fist size piece of wood ramming into his stomach and expelling all the air from his body. It wasn’t enough for him to break his concentration, but when the follow up smashed into his cheek, his purple blast discharged into the ground between them while he fell on his back. Blinking a few times, Dozer slowly sat up, but a horrific smash startled him, his eyes quickly landing on Serif, breathing heavily as he held the broken frame of a chair, fractured legs on the ground. Looking over them, the hunter grabbed the longest of the four, both about two feet in length before turning back to the late teen. The fracture wasn’t clean, but they were jagged enough to draw blood with a hard enough hit.

“Tell me something Dozer,” His eyes were cold as he approached, Derrick quickly scampering upright as the distance closed, “You were hunting a murderer. Why did you select a staff for your quest?”

“Because I’m no killer.”

“And you expected him to hold back because you don’t carry an edge or gun?”

“No, but I don’t have to hold back with this.” With a vicious swing, his metal weapon met the legs Serif was armed with and the sound of the thud echoed through the cafe as people finally decided now would be a good time to go. Despite having the superior weapon, however, Dozer lacked the physical strength of the hunter, who shoved him a few paces back. The black metallic rod began glowing once more, but as he arced it at Serif, he was able to bat it away with his left stick before smashing the right into his knee, which buckled with the blow, before bringing the second down on the back of Dozer’s skull. He didn’t feel himself fall, but Derrick felt the impact of the ground, his brain throbbing as pain radiated from his body. There was a faint darkness on the edges of his vision, but from what he could see, Serif was crouched before him.

“If I were Dex, you’d be dead.”

Dozer’s teeth grit. He still had a hand on his staff, pulsing with power, it’s purple glow casting the two in an ominous light. Shaking, he pushed himself upright to his knees, fire in his eyes meeting the ice in Serif’s.

“I suggest you buy a gun.”

“I don’t need a gun.”

“Do you th
Crank
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Nov 5, 2016 4:36 AM #1465915
Heh, the pleasure was mine, for all of your worry, it looks like your improved a lot in your time away! I think you did a really solid job with Serif, he's an extremely prideful, distrusting person so he would avoid asking for help directly and would rather keep the stakes lower with an ambush that put his neck on the chopping block. I enjoyed your use of light and dark a lot as well! You made the story feel very dangerous for Dozer throughout, and even though Serif was the antagonist, you didn't vilify him. I am curious who the mysterious three people are! One I can guess, but not so much the other two!

Lastly, I'm not 'vastly superior'. I think you did a really good job, and it was a blast to write on my end as well! Hope I didn't butcher Derrick too much on my end! Never know how people react when things get too personal.

Glad to be your first fight back, by the way!
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Nov 5, 2016 10:41 AM #1465926
This is what happens when two of the best writers here go at it.
a) Comedy of errors on both sides was hilarious (even though this is kind of grimdark, it was still funny). Good shit and well played.
b) The combat kept me hooked (cheese, I know, but nonetheless true) the entire way. I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish. Good job.
c) The resolving of said combat was both funny and fulfilling. Keep doing that.

I appreciate this is more praise than CnC, but there isn't really much more that I can say about this. It's too good 5 me. I'm not sure how you can improve on what is essentially perfect. There were some clunky sentences, but nothing some more practice can't fix, amiright?
Anyway, point being. This is great. Do some more of this. You need to do more of this. FUCKING DO MORE ITS SO GOOD GODDAMNIT
SaulMurphy
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Nov 5, 2016 3:00 PM #1465941
Quote from 969_DoomsDruid_969
This is what happens when two of the best writers here go at it.


*scoffs* Crank? Good? What?? Urako, I don't know you sadly. But I will add my 5 cents soon.

Crank, I love you still. :P (an emote?? What??) Keep up the good work.
Crank
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Nov 5, 2016 11:29 PM #1465980
D'aw! I really appreciate that Dooms, I'll try my best!

And Saul, if you had anything less than triple my votes in the royal, I'm sure I'd have something witty to say to that! Thank, man!
Urako

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Nov 6, 2016 1:03 AM #1465996
Alright Crank. You're still one of the best writers and one of my favorites, but I feel like there are a few things I need to say. You said it was okay so (hopefully) no hard feelings.
CnC for Crank (Click to Show)

I hope this wasn't too nit-picky.

Again Crank, sorry if this sounds too rude. Hope there's no hard feelings.

Quote from 969_DoomsDruid_969
This is what happens when two of the best writers here go at it.
a) Comedy of errors on both sides was hilarious (even though this is kind of grimdark, it was still funny). Good shit and well played.
b) The combat kept me hooked (cheese, I know, but nonetheless true) the entire way. I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish. Good job.
c) The resolving of said combat was both funny and fulfilling. Keep doing that.

I appreciate this is more praise than CnC, but there isn't really much more that I can say about this. It's too good 5 me. I'm not sure how you can improve on what is essentially perfect. There were some clunky sentences, but nothing some more practice can't fix, amiright?
Anyway, point being. This is great. Do some more of this. You need to do more of this. FUCKING DO MORE ITS SO GOOD GODDAMNIT


Thanks for the compliment. I'm truly flattered.
Crank
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Nov 6, 2016 2:31 AM #1466002
Thank you for the feedback, and it's not too nit-picky! I'll be baring that in mind for my future stuff, but for the sake of where I was coming from:

Just Explaining (Click to Show)


Not meant to be a "Nu-uh!", but if my house burned down, I'd like to know why

I'll have to give your story a closer look too! Might be a bit though, moving stores at the moment so everything is hectic
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Nov 6, 2016 3:03 AM #1466003
Quote from Crank
Thank you for the feedback, and it's not too nit-picky! I'll be baring that in mind for my future stuff, but for the sake of where I was coming from:

Just Explaining (Click to Show)


Not meant to be a "Nu-uh!", but if my house burned down, I'd like to know why

I'll have to give your story a closer look too! Might be a bit though, moving stores at the moment so everything is hectic


1# Okay yeah, that makes more sense.
2# Don't worry about that too much I suppose. Liberties are taken in fights and it wouldn't exactly have been fun to read if the entirety of it was "Dozer fired a red charge in his face and everything went dark." Just keep these things in mind in future battles.
3# I haven't told anyone this yet, but yeah he has had bad days you have a point there. I'll explain them if I ever do a collab known as "reflections" and/or the time I eventually get to sparring Richard (#SlayHandy). Anyways, yes they do have a lot in common and that's one of the reasons I wanted to face you because they're the same yet opposites in many ways. Anyways, the Wind Chasers were actually going to help Dozer (Provided their creators each gave me permission) but I sort of had to quit and then the wind chasers just stopped their activities. Of course you had no way of knowing any of that, but one last thing still seems a bit off. Common backgrounds is one thing, but an actually helpful and altruistic personality is much more important (i'm not discounting the importance in skill though.).
4#We can't change our past mistakes, but we can move forward for the best possible future;) Don't worry about it.
5#It still seems kind of off to me. Who gets less angry after a heated debate and physical violence?
6#two years is a long time and yes, he knows it's a long time. Decks being dead doesn't mean it's all for nothing though. But i suppose when everything is said and done it (kind of) means Rachel is still alive and save-able but it still has no guarantees for most of the possible scenarios like you just described.

It may be me, but it just seems a bit off. I understand and you don't need to worry about it though. We just keep moving forward and besides, you mostly got Dozer right and you did a pretty good job at the fight too.
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Nov 6, 2016 3:55 AM #1466004
Oh no, you made a lot of really good points! Yeah, retrospectively, parts were iffy
GreekGladiator
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Nov 6, 2016 7:38 PM #1466071
Both were very good stories from experienced writters. I am still kinda lost in the canon part but no big deal. For Crank's story all I have to say is good job, although the prologue was starting at a point where soemone who doesn't know anything for Serif(like myself) would think WTF. Urako your story was pretty nice. I liked that the prologue was short but juicy and had a happy ending. The fight was bad only by being too long. After a point i started scrolling down to find how it ended(although i didn't eventually ). This is all CnC(what do the initials mean?) I can offer for now. I am not going to take parts from each story, put it in a quote and then start analyzing them. From the stories and without the little conversation later soeone can understand that you are a while around here and are very good at it. Also i don't mean to offend anyone(isn't it obvious?). I think I am adding too many brackets(yeap, true).
Urako

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Nov 6, 2016 10:51 PM #1466087
Quote from Crank
Oh no, you made a lot of really good points! Yeah, retrospectively, parts were iffy


One final thing I forgot about 2#, I suppose the real deciding factor on whether or not he'd hit someone in that situation would be context (you're right when you say he doesn't want to be a villain and I did say he won't do anything unnecessary) but depending on how angry he was, he might actually have. So I suppose you were partially right about that one:p

Now for the real reason I replied. For story was great and I did enjoy reading it. Sure it wasn't perfect, but what story is? Don't be too hard on yourself.

Quote from GreekGladiator
Both were very good stories from experienced writters. I am still kinda lost in the canon part but no big deal. For Crank's story all I have to say is good job, although the prologue was starting at a point where soemone who doesn't know anything for Serif(like myself) would think WTF. Urako your story was pretty nice. I liked that the prologue was short but juicy and had a happy ending. The fight was bad only by being too long. After a point i started scrolling down to find how it ended(although i didn't eventually ). This is all CnC(what do the initials mean?) I can offer for now. I am not going to take parts from each story, put it in a quote and then start analyzing them. From the stories and without the little conversation later soeone can understand that you are a while around here and are very good at it. Also i don't mean to offend anyone(isn't it obvious?). I think I am adding too many brackets(yeap, true).


Duly noted.
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