Steam

UNAVALIBLE

Steam is a clockwork automaton with a steam engine and a backup combustion engine.

lode into a cloud of boiling steam.[/spoiler]
They are crescent shaped and were Steam's original weapons when he was controlled by the Hell Flame. They are sharp enough to cut through stone.[/spoiler][/spoiler]

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Vent: Hides Steam in a cloud of steam at the cost of Speed temporarily.
gth. He must be vented because if he doesn't the vacuums in the pistons slows him down.
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Vector jets: (Can only be used with steam pressure) Small jets increase Steam's maneuverability. (Also he can fly for short amounts of time.)

t least not primarily. It does have combat capabilities but they are not perfect. It has six main deck guns four in the front and two in the back. These main guns are bulky slow but powerful. Steam built them for taking out huge monsters, Demons, other giant ships, and the odd iceberg.

There are ten anti air guns spotted around the deck for smaller, Faster targets.

The ship much like Steam himself can vent itself. This puts out fires and hides the ship in boiling steam.

His ship does have a few drawbacks. The steam engine can't work the hot air balloon as well as the the weapon systems so the ship must be either on the ground or in the water.
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ll can open portals to other dimensions.(Including ours.)
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al source of fuel. Nothing special.


His cigs : Steam has hand made cigarettes. They are wood soaked in gasoline wrapped in rubber then dusted in either coal or charcoal dust. These are another normal fuel source for him.
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a soul but that didn't work. Instead a Demon put a Hell flame in Steam and he became the Metal Demon. He killed Millions in the two centuries that the Hell flame burned in him. During all those deaths Steam collected the life energy and eventually overpowered the Hell flame. He has spent the last millennia and three centuries doing as he pleased this includes drinking, collecting panties off exotic people, and fighting.
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he is around other sentient beings he is random. In a fight if his is talking to his opponent then he isn't taking it seriously. If he isn't talking he is either out of things to say, hiding, or taking the battle semi seriously. He is also very random in the purest form of the word.
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n his boiler can freeze.

Big collections of water. If his torso is submerged in water for extended periods of time then his boiler will go out making him a slow metal turtle.

Extreme heat his outer shell can withstand around 2,000 F His inner workings can survive the flames of hell.

He has no fear or pain so he "can" make stupid mistakes.
To be added later
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ase her nanites malfunction she can still defend herself.
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rom the collected shards many have gathered we can discern that She was once dirt poor and probably an assassin.(The real story is still under construction but I think you all will like it when it is done.)
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s no emotions unless you count the once in a century smile or frown. She is ruthless and will kill if given any chance.
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e. Outside of Nano’s charge radius of three feet they will last seconds before their batteries run out.

Copy cat does not work for magic of any kind or abilities. Only physical weapons.

Her nanites also can’t make anything too complex a gun for example to many moving parts.

Her nanites are also weak against electricity if they are just singular nanites floating around the air then a big enough current will destroy them.

Strength is not her strong suit. If it is down to strength she will lose.
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pit that surrounded her. She was disgusted yet calmed by the smell of rotting trash and human waste. It was what she has worked in her whole life. She walked up the alley in amongst the hovels just outside Stickpage city.

“Hey you bitch.” Said a drunken man just out from the pub. She looked at the man then continued toward the shadows.

“Hey I -Hic- I wa ta…” The man put his grimy hand on her shoulder and never uttered another word. His mouth filled with a black clump of the nano machines that hovered in the air surrounding Nano. The micro machines shoved their way down his throat and started tearing away at his windpipe on their way to the stomach. When the nanites reached the stomach they formed spikes and pierced the stomach causing internal bleeding then the nanites started feasting on the flesh that surrounded them.

The man would have screamed if the cloud hadn’t covered his mouth. Nano strolled over bringing out her knife. She grabbed the dying man by the neck and drove her blade into his throat. Blood sprayed everywhere as Nano pulled her knife out silently. Then she turned and disappeared into the shadows looking for her next target.
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in coated in dirt, flecks of blood and oil. At least five foot six and near deadly thin but fairly muscular. Wears a black skin tight combat suit. Knife goes on her shoulder holder. Nanite charging field built into the back of the suit. In public she wears a pair of long jeans and a Tshirt over the combat suit.
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echanizam. He also uses them as a fear creator to try and scare his opponent with shadows and songs.(Mostly based around Slenderman.)
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year old teenager getting average grades and average everything. But there were two non average things in his life. One his father and two his hobby. His father was a assassin and made a good profit if you catch my drift at least until he was KIA. This sent Pupas into a down spiral straight to depression's bottom floor and his mother who was pregnant with his sister at the time was put in the same boat as Pupas. She secluded into herself leaving the body of a broken woman behind. This leads into Pupas’ hobby. Pupas is a puppeteer that on it’s own isn’t weird but the ability he had allowed him to control nearly everything with his hands as if it were a puppet. The bills piled up and Pupas realized that if he didn’t do something he and his mother would starve so in his semi broken state he took up his father’s job but using his puppets instead.
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puppets a bit too much and is kinda scary to be around.
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so long range users can move out of his puppets range until they find him.


Pupas himself is nothing special a good punch or two will knock him out.


His puppets aren’t anything special either(Just whatever happens to be around stones twigs)


His soul strings don't work on sand.


His strings are unbreakable but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be forced off. Under enough pressure like say someone pulling on a string they could let go. Or if the thing they are trying to lift is to heavy and they haven't fully dug into said object.


Flying enemies are a problem his soul strings can’t reach that high.
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real people.
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seeing in the fog he didn’t know why. He watched the small camp his targets had made while waiting for night to pass. Pupas looked at Marionette. He raised his hand and she rose from her branch moving over to him.
“Ready?” Pupas asked not waiting for the response that would never come. He lowered her down until she touched the ground. In the moon lit fog she look like a shadow. Pupas using his other hand wound up a music box. He placed it on the branch he knelt on and it began to play. The creepy melody echoed throughout the forest waking his targets inside their tents.
“Hey Josh go check that out.” Said a male voice.
“No you go check it out.” Another male voice which we can assume was Josh. Marionette walked up to the tent. One of the men came out.
“Hey girly are you lost?” Asked the man. When Marionette didn’t reply he rapped on her head. He froze. Too late he realized that this wasn’t a girl. Marionette punched the guy in the stomach sending him flying into tree. Pupas thrust out his other hand and his strings dug themselves into the man's arms legs and then the man died when the strings entered his head. The strings dug in deep to his body grabbing muscles a tendons. Pupas wiggled his fingers and the man looked as if he was having a spasm as Pupas got the hang of his new toy. Then the other man Josh jumped out of the tent.
“Tim are you alright?” Josh ran over to Tim. Tim grabbed Josh by the throat and strangled the man but Josh was stronger than Tim. He forced his way out looking at the soulless eyes of his partner as they glazed over. Josh pulled out a sword from somewhere and sliced Tim’s head clean off. Tim’s head hovered right above his neck suspended by the near invisible threads. Pupas decided to has a bit of fun with this one. Pupas pulled his hand back and Tim flew up into the trees. There was a loud crack as Tim’s body snapped like a twig. Pupas released him and let the broken body fall to the ground. Josh looked a little horrified at this display of gruesomeness so much that he didn’t notice Marionette sneaking up behind him. Pupas picked up the words to the tune the music box was playing.
“Slenderman Slenderman. Dressed in darkness suit and tie.” As Marionette tore the man's head back snapping his spine.
“Slenderman Slenderman. You most certainly will die.”
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den girl. His skin is pale as a vampire due to low sun exposure. He wears a tattered black suit. He usually smiles like a madman but when he is holding marionettes hand he looks semi normal.[/spoiler]
of Steam's. Seeing as his father hadn't had the time to teach him. The way they met was a bit unconventional but it works. Steam was Pupas's first target. When Pupas attacked Steam, Steam took him down effortlessly. Then Steam offered to teach Pupas how to fight just because he could. So that is Pupas' connection to Steam there is a bit more to it that but that is the gist of it.
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ircraft carrier.


He sometimes steals panties on his victims.(only girls)


He can open portals to hell. (one a century. This adds up over time.)


He term of 'Friend' is vague to say the least.
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ed to connect it through the direct line not the loop or else you lose power in the initial burst which is the key to get a successful ignition.” Steam said arguing something or other with a drunk scientist that had happened to take the seat next to him. The scientist was a bit to drunk to respond but was angry that Steam was picking his new theory apart like it was some sort of game. He smashed his glass down on Steam’s head and stormed away. Steam laughed as the beer dripped and sizzled through him. Steam finished his drink and paid for his drink before going to the nearby alley way which is where his next target was. Steam looked from the poster he had snagged a while back and to the fighter which currently sat on a trash bin then back to the poster.

“Hey mate looking for someone?” The fighter asked hefting a black metal staff in Steam’s direction.

“Yes you wouldn’t happen to be this man now would you?” Steam asked showing the fighter the poster that was obviously him.

“Yah so what of it?” Steam brought out a cigarette and lit it.

“Well there is a bounty on your head and I wouldn’t mind my treasure trove growing a bit.” Steam said. The black metal pole jabbed Steam in the gut. Steam didn’t even stop talking.

“Now either you could come quietly or I could take you wrapped in a cloth bag?” The fighter swung the pole nailing Steam’s cheek making his head turn in a way normal human heads weren’t supposed to. Steam grabbed his head and with a swift creek he rotated it to face his opponent. ”Okay hard way it is.”

“Yah right like a old piece of junk could beat me.” Steam smiled. He drew out his pistol and fired one shot that skinned the guys left cheek. Steam fired again aiming this time for his kne

alright, so...
I'm gonna offer some CnC:
*starts reading
alright, needs grammar and capitals, but legit character
reads weaknesses and general facts
*starts foaming at the mouth in anger
WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHY YOU DO THIS

no in all seriousness that is slightly disturbing, but moving on.

Excepting potentially more clarification required, this seems fairly legit.

S: CnC time.

1 - It looks vague, like you just had an idea and wrote it down then ta-da, here it is.

2 - It should be organized with some "spoilers".

3 - The character in my opinion looks like it would be a toolbox in short time, with a plethora of weapons that would increase, I'm sure about that.

4 - Seriously you need to make some serious space between the story.

5 -That was all the weaknesses? And girls aren't really a weakness, if you aren't specific.

6 - It doesn't have a demo.

And I guess that was all in my case. I'll let the experts finish this. Welcome to the wRHG system. ^^

I am not gonna say I respect this character, nor is it 'legit' or say 'eh good character overall have fun' because it isn't. Hell, even that end bit about the colour tells me that this is a RHG char, not a wRHG one. Dedicate yourself to a char that has more depth than a puddle on the pavement after a light drizzle. Plus, if you have any friends in wRHG currently, I suggest asking them to proofread if you're unable to. "Weakness's" isn't really a thing.

wRHG is all about developing characters, and because it's written- not animated- it is easier to apply more story elements and details. I hope you stick around long enough so that you can improve to the point you'd really fit in here, but I kinda doubt you will. But hey, prove me wrong. Stay here, get better, do it in spite of me. Spite's a good motivator.

things I noticed:
no demo: need that
personality: NO, k, k, wait where's the rest of it?
colour: wat
all in all, trying not to be an asshat, but I agree with the waffle. who hasn't answered any of the things I have asked him. Hope you stick around, tho. With some revising, this could go well.

Welcome to the forums! Now this may seem a tad offensive to you, but keep in mind that CnC is constructive critique meant to help people improve their abilities.

And my verdict is Rejected until the necessary changes are made. Stop to take some time and look at other characters and make sure its balanced and you have everything necessary. I know you probably hate me right now but I just want to see you improve and I'm writing because I think you can do it. So please don't give up.

Just clarifying, Rakeman, but about the Rejected thing:
a)is that your vote
b) do we have to put it in red/green?

Quote from 969_DoomsDruid_969

Just clarifying, Rakeman, but about the Rejected thing:
a)is that your vote
b) do we have to put it in red/green?

Yes that is my vote and no it does not need to be in color.

Hey man.

I'm going to have to say that I think you need more work on this. OR, maybe, you should make sure you understand the difference between the wRHG and the animatedRHG...since you have the color there, that makes me think this char is a misplaced RHG char.

I like the overall character premise (I think?) but like everyone else has said, you need a great deal of refinement to make this work.

Thanks for telling me what to change it really helped me. Why would I hate you for helping me?

Quote from Piston1937

Thanks for telling me what to change it really helped me. Why would I hate you for helping me?

I assume you're referring to me based on the fact i'm the only person who said you probably hate me. If this is incorrect, please let me know.

Some people really don't take critique well. In fact I was one of those people once.

Also be sure to thank the others as well. And barring the first bit about organization, you should probably get a second opinion before doing what I ask as well.

can you re check this to see if I did the corrections right? And How do I do the spoiler drop down thing

Quote from Piston1937

can you re check this to see if I did the corrections right? And How do I do the spoiler drop down thing

Click this for a simple profile to compare to. As far as organization goes, that's a good example. It's also probably a good idea to compare character power as well. (Witty jokes are optional.)

As far as drop-down boxes go, you do it like this;


As for what you still need to change, lets try to get some more opinions. Besides that, i'm a tad busy right now. I'll get back to you later.

Quote from Piston1937

Thanks for telling me what to change it really helped me. Why would I hate you for helping me?

I wish I could hug you right now. :P

Comments like this are NOT the norm from newbies, but they ARE extremely welcome!

So, as for the second opinion Urwhako (aka Urako, but don't let that name fool you...) mentioned...



So, that's about it on the MAJOR notes. I'm sure some people who would pick through details if you asked them, but these are the larger tweaks that need to be made in my opinion.

I wish you the absolute best, bud!

I noticed you're having trouble with the spoilers. Try making sure both are capitalized and if that doesn't work, ask a moderator what's wrong. (For some reason this page has been glitching for me and it might for you.)