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Spinel - wRHG

Started by: Cryophobica | Replies: 17 | Views: 2,353

Cryophobica

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Dec 11, 2016 7:05 PM #1469977
Spinel


For some bazar reason, spoiler tags don't seem to be working. It coiuld just be my computer, but they don't appear. Please help.


Abilities


Tech/weapons:


She's a broad all rounder for guns (she's more of a sniper gal, really pushing the cliche here) but her pride and joy is her Crosstail. Long, thin, almost invincible wires that she uses to ensnare and wound her opponent. Though mostly using it to trap opponents, she can use them as a sort of hook shot, with impact boots that are also designed to give her a boost in jumping. Without them, she'd just break her legs and that'd be that.

Often resorting to bombs. Mines, grenades, sticky, timed. You name it, she'll throw one at you.

Most of her tech enables mobility and protection in some form. There is one force field, but she only has one and they are quite difficult to replace. She mainly relies on the boots for mobility. She has twin gauntlets on her forearms that extend into shields and have medium damage shots with pauses between. The faster the shots, the weaker they are.

She has an array of guns, but generally has the sniper rifle on her back (which she often removes before missions if it isn't required and slows her down) and a primary fire for her gauntlets, though that is mainly used for medium to short range as of poor targeting.


Info:


She normally gathers/is presented with large amounts of info on anyone she may have to fight, allowing her to prepare beforehand. But if left with little information then she is at a major disadvantage and probably wouldn't even fight.


Physical & Mental:


She's strategic and is fully aware of this, using it to her advantage. She prefers not to face opponents head on for fear of being torn to damn shreds.

She relies heavily on her mobility and defensive capabilities presented by her technology. Preferring to dodge or block attacks. Spinel is rather fast by human standards, not Olympic is some areas, but militant none the less.

She is trained in hand to hand combat and while decent at it, it's not winning her any battles any time soon.


AI:


She has access to a AI, though glitchy and bugged. It's connected to a small chip in the back of her neck that helps her receive, collect and share information. So she's kind of stuck with it. It can momentarily control electronics or machines depending on how powerful its target us but doing this takes a lot of effort on its behalf as it is VERY underdeveloped. Mostly, she prefers to force it into silent mode as its assently child like persona and experience with the outside works makes her-it question everything it comes across. Spinel mainly views it as a distraction and hinderace. Though it can be useful, it's glitchy and is a beta version, meaning it pretty much sucks at most things not specific to select parts of its programming and removing it would be extremely painful and dangerous. So she just deals with it. The two kind of grow co-dependant, to Spinels displeasure.


Weaknesses:


Though trained, she possesses no inhuman strength or agility without her handy dandy tech. Without most of it, she'd be pretty eh all round, and breaking it leaves her powerless against the seemingly demigod like RHGs or secret agent badasses that are surprisingly common.

Strait up battles are almost a definite loss for her, as she would get her ass kicked by any halfway decent RHG. Anyone fast enough or with wide spread attacks can easily hit her or make it difficult for her to dodge.

Spinel can't take a hit well, and trust me dose she gets hit a lot. She's allmost pitiful in this sense, forcing her to either doge or block the attack. She generally prefers not to engage at all.

As mention before, without info on her opponent, she's pretty screwed. With no powerful strength and attacking power to back her up she has to exploit people for weaknesses. But if she doesn't know what those weaknesses are, she's boned.

She is known for overthinking and overanalysing situations, literally to the point of being paranoid. Irritable at the best of times and slightly sociopathic, unable to communicate or develop and hold positive relationships. Nothing to do with fighting, just making her a not so special little snowflake.


About


While I can't go to much into her cheesy backstory, not much is need to know. She bounces to employer to employer based on what they can do to help her own selfish needs and radical vision for humanities future.
After a while, she was pegged down by a leader into a relatively unknown group called "The Locus" Inlisted into a small test group by the name of Project SALEM which of 12 formidable fighters with unique abilities, meaning little old her had to fight every step of the way to ranking 9 out of the 12.

Hey, cliches are easy.


Personality


Selfish, logical and kinda an ass. If you can't help her, she won't help you. Signs of sociopath tendencies and nihilism in every day activities and horribly cynical and sarcastic.
She is manipulative and slightly awkward in holding normal conversation, though she derives a guilty sense of thrill from pulling off crazy plans.

Often cowardly and would gladly cheat to win. She's perfectly willing to run or abandon a battle if she's clearly losing or didn't gain anything from winning. She holds her life as more important to her than others. If it was between her and a town of orphans, she'd pick herself. Not narcissistically, but simply because she's afraid of dying.

Well spoken but often profanic and radical in her beliefs. Any task she has to complete that envolves crime or murder is taken relatively well. She doesn't really care what she does so long as it doesn't affect her negatively.


Appearance:


Stick figure: A kinda boysen berry colour. (Used to be lime, but then I remembered Alpha)

Human: a tall, lithe figure with milky pale skin and short cut hair with two long strands down both shoulders. Sporting a high coloured, dark trench cloakish-duster hybrid with two capsules at her side where she keeps her CrossTails. Metallic boots designed for shock impact absorption. Cutting electric green eyes and a physically average figure in the more feminine areas. Long face, though she is not attractive, nor putrid. Matching gauntlets on both forearms.


Clan


Skyfire (unofficial at this stage due to several errors)


Demo


The wide room of blinding snow white stretched out before her, metal heels clicking sharply against the cold, smooth tiles as she advanced.

A warm voice met her ears, words like whisps of air, cool and gentle. Spinel felt her fists unclench almost involuntary at the silky tone, white knuckled fading back to its pale complexion.

Are you ready? the voice murmured softly.

A breathy sigh escaped her lips and she soothed her bristling nerves. "Sure, yeah. Let's go with that."

Spinel raised her gaze, the crackle of materialising pixels constructing into autonomous forms alerting her. A sea of scattered figures of black speckled like deadly confetti across the mountainous room and she pulled her limbs into a defensive stance as the honeyed voice counted down.

Three

Spinel met the cold soulless gaze of her new simulated opponents, grinding her teeth as she readied for the onslaught.

Two

She could practically see them itching to tear flesh from bone as they awaited their programmed held them at bay for only a few moments longer.

One

Her muscles sprung into action and before she could even proses the situation she dove to the right as a black figure charged.

She whipped around, sliding a gun out in one fluid moment, the slick pieces slid into place with a click, the barrel blazing icy blue as them hum of electricity buzzed in the air. The bolt sprung from the gun as her finger squeezed the trigger.

The bullet flew true and man burst like a deformed grape, scarlet staining the white tiles as the inky black form crumbled into dissolving pixels.

Behind you!

Spinel fell to one knee, the punch sailing over her head. She slammed his ankles from beneath him and shoved the still warm barrel into its chest, hissing in irritation as innards decorated her side.

The lady twisted on her heel, boot nearing a oncoming assailants skull with a sickening crunch.

Another three darted forth and she stepped back, gaze flipping side to side in caution. One flew towards her. The springs in her boots coiled and she vaulted over its head, blank gaze meeting hers for a split second as she tugged the garrotte-like wires around its throat.

Hauling it around she clenched her teeth in effort as she felt her new meat shield meet the blade of its fellow attacker. She thrust the body forward, pixels peeling away slowly as life drained from its limp figure. The slowly diminishing weight of the body held here second opponent at bay and she fired yet another bolt into the thirds head.

Spinel yanked her wire free from the almost ashen corpse below her, planting her foot into the other holographic being beneath it and cracking its skull with her strangely intricate metal boots.

The ground shook with a colossal quake, the thundering roar of metal on metal filled the massive chamber as if a great beast was rising from its slumber.

Tiles slid back underneath her feet with a smooth hum and Spinel scrambled back. Pillars burst from the voided pits that peppered the chamber floor in a distant gridlock, steam bloomed and dissolved as the towers sped towards the ceiling at neck and neck speed.

Spinel wasted no time in awe of these fresh spectacles and dove to her left, a bolt of red gun fire blazing through the air she had been in mere milliseconds before. She hissed through clenched teeth as a stinging pain ached in her arm from the awkward slide across the floor.

Rolling onto her knees, she hit the button on the strange metal gauntlets adorning her forearms. A smooth, unscarred shield unfolded and Spinel brought it up mere moments before a cascade of bullets rained upon it.

She fumbled for a moment before lobbing a small ball over her head. Mere moments later a defending boom resonated around her, leaving her ears ringing. A single torn limb hit the tiles next to her with a wet thump.

Spinel retracted the shield and pulled herself to her feet. Her pupils dilated at the new wave of soulless husks advancing and she made a executive choice.

A tactical retreat.

At break neck speed and yelling words better left unidentified at the top of her lungs.

Spinel spewed a burbled mix of curses as she approached one of the titanic towers, her wires ‘wirred’ into action and her boot heels coiled. She muttered a prayer as the crescendo of footsteps behind her gained more and more colour and intensity.

“Good God or gods if you exist, I'm sorry I never believed in you, you glorious motherf – aaHhhHHHHHHHHHHHHAA!”

She felt the slight tug of her wires connect to the rising pillars head and the coils in her boots release, sending her flying upwards.

“AH HA!” Spinel screeched at the top of her sandpaper dry lungs, words caught in the wind, unheard by all, even if they tried. Or if anyone in the room wasn't trying to break her neck instead of listen to her epiphanies. “I KNEW IT! SCREW YOU!”

Her body was gripped in adrenaline and she pulled her feet before her, metal boots pushing away from the speeding past pillar when the wire swayed. Sparks screeched and a wail of metal snagging slight furrows in the white towers sounded each time her feet connected. To her displeasure, she felt like some kind of backwards mountain climber.

The mass of black converged below her, moving to attempt to surround the pillar. Some ant like forms began to scuttle up the smooth towers with seemingly impossible grip and speed, though far behind and more specks of dust than threats to her.

She twisted around, scattering a handful of strange contraptions to the seething mass below. Spinel winced at the thunderous booms that rung in unison. She spared a glance down, adopting a satisfied yet soured expression at the carnage below. Crimson stained the tiles like spilt ink to snowy paper, peppered with slowly degrading limps and torsos.

The tower stopped its ascension, Spinel hitching in the air at the sudden stop. She fed her wire and dug her heels into the wall, sliding down. The wind tore claws through her hair, chilling her to the bone a her face was slightly pulled up by the infernal speed. The woman grappled with her rifle, lining up her crosshairs at scattered survivors far from the tower. Each muffled shot boomed, but few bodies fell with the acceleration Spinel was descending.

Storting in irritation her eyes met a figure below, running towards the towers base. Spinel tucked it away and sprung away from the tower, wires loosening at her command. A slight jarring spike ran through her legs and the dust billowed towards the sky on her landing, the coiled boots absorbing the sheer hight of her fall.

She pulled the knife imbedded in its skull free with a sickening squelch, twirling it in her fingers before sliding it into her jacket with smooth precision.

Spinel rose her gaze a second to late, pulling back a few inches as the bullet flew past.

A sickening trail of torn flesh decorated her cheek and for the first time that day her blood mixed with her opponents.

Slowly, the dozens of still alive or scattered remains of the still fading burst into a cloud of pixels before dissipating slowly. The blood peeled back into pixels and in a matter of seconds the only blood left in the chamber was her own.

Warm trails of red ran down in rivulets from her cheek, staining the floor like the twisted holograms blood once had.

Objective failed.

Time: 2 M 43 S 17 MS.

Kills: 87

 Try again?
 Exit simulation?


If the try again button had any physical presence, it would have shattered.




HOLY LORD DO I NEED CONSTRUTIVE CRITICISM!
Haru
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Dec 11, 2016 7:16 PM #1469978
Quote from Cryophobica
Spinel

Spinel is simply human.




I suppose you haven't read many other wRHG's before, and you also gotta introduce yourself.
CAUSE GAH I SEE THIS TOO MANY TIMES waffles hates it as well.
Cryophobica

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Dec 11, 2016 7:18 PM #1469979
Yeah I know, it's just easier to go with cliches. Thanks for the feed back tho ^^
Alphaeus
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Dec 11, 2016 7:26 PM #1469981
First off...Welcome to SP! More specifically, Welcome to the Writer's Lounge and wRHG. Glad to have you.

CnC time...

So, skimmed your demo because it's long, but seemed well written enough. I don't usually read demos until I need to, so don't feel bad.

Overall, I like the character premise. A light-weight tactician that uses gadgets to fight and isn't some mind-blowingly skilled genius of a fighter, but is actually reasonable in skill.

COOL.

What I would like to see is this broken up into more clear skills and weaknesses. They kind of all run together. Since she's a gadget-user...give her an "equipment" section too so that we know what she carries.

Don't put human as a weakness. I learned this from a sexual british waffle -- humans have incredible strengths as well as weaknesses. So either make humaness BOTH a strength and a weakness, or don't include it in either. After all, we all kinda know how humans work :P.

I'd like to see you use bold headings and lists for things to make them clearer. Also, I'd recommend using spoilers for each section and ESPECIALLY the demo.

Spoilers work like this --
title here (Click to Show)


Your english skills seem a bit loose, so I'm not sure if that's just from rushing or lack of experience with the language. Either way, just pay attention to making sure you have the write words for the right uses.

All in all, not bad at all!

Look forward to seeing you grow and write here with us!
RichardLongflop
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Dec 11, 2016 7:44 PM #1469983
Quote from Cryophobica
Spinel

Weakness:

Spinel is just a human


Spoiler (Click to Show)


I like the char, actually. Guns are good. But I'd like armoury details. At first I was going to suggest a fixed set of weapons she'd use, but if you're going for this kind of thing, perhaps an armoury where she can pick and choose her weapons per mission would be best. May be good to let her have some vague idea of what she could be up against first, via some file or research or what have you. But in the case of a fight where she happens upon them without planning, it'd be good to have a choice of weapons about her that's her normal carry.

I'm saying this because she won't be subject to 'hammerspace' or being able to carry like, four big ol' heavy guns at once. I'm thinking a sniper rifle, a pistol, like two or three grenades and a combat knife. (Knife is good for utility.) May be a good idea to roughly calculate weights, too.

Also, for your demo, stick it in spoiler tags. The last spoiler tag is [/spoiler] and the first spoiler tag is like this [spoiler=SpoilerTitleHere]. I put them out of order so they wouldn't activate.
Piston1937
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Dec 13, 2016 1:00 AM #1470127
Checklist of awesomeness
Guns Check

More gun check

Smart check

Cool name check


She checks out in my book.
Cryophobica

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Dec 14, 2016 6:46 PM #1470366
Thank you for the feed back and welcome. I'll try my best to fix and improve on some of the errors you pointed out. Again, thank you so much for the much needed constructive criticism.

Thanks for the weapon ideas, I'll try to add that in as well as the spoiler tag system. I really appreciate the constructive criticism, so again, thank you. ^^
969_DoomsDruid_969
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Dec 14, 2016 7:09 PM #1470370
Quote from RichardLongflop

I'm saying this because she won't be subject to 'hammerspace' .


And you know this how?
Piston1937
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Dec 16, 2016 4:24 PM #1470585
Whats Hammerspace?
Urako

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Dec 16, 2016 4:27 PM #1470587
Quote from Piston1937
Whats Hammerspace?


Hammerspace is when a weapon appears seemingly from no where is if it was in its' own pocket dimension but without any justification. The term first originated in Loony Toons I believe for the characters to suddenly have items that they weren't carrying around.
Azure
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Dec 16, 2016 4:27 PM #1470588
Quote from Piston1937
Whats Hammerspace?


Hammerspace is a term used to refer to the sort of magical "storage space" utilized by characters to pull out objects they obviously shouldn't be able to have on them due to the laws of physics and common sense. An alternate form of this is "Bag of Holding," which is a contained Hammerspace of sorts, where instead of pulling things from thin air, you pull them from an object like a backpack or purse.

Edit: Ninja'd by Urako, but I'm still keeping this up, dammit.
Piston1937
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Dec 16, 2016 4:39 PM #1470591
Oh so basically someone pulling a minigun out of a hand purse
Urako

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Dec 16, 2016 4:40 PM #1470593
Quote from Piston1937
Oh so basically someone pulling a minigun out of a hand purse


More like pulling a minigun out of thin air. The purse is closer to the "bag of holding" technique Azure mentioned.
Piston1937
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Dec 16, 2016 4:41 PM #1470595
Quote from Urako
More like pulling a minigun out of thin air. The purse is closer to the "bag of holding" technique Azure mentioned.


ah okay.

Nanites for the win
Urako

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Dec 16, 2016 4:44 PM #1470596
Quote from Piston1937
ah okay.

Nanites for the win


Yes there are ways to justify it like nanites which are amazing plot devices.

Back on topic; Azure, do you know why spoilers aren't working on this thread? They didn't work for me or Cryophobica when we tried.
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