Stick Page Forums Archive

Captain Katrina (Devour) vs. The Doctor (Alphaeus)

Started by: Devour | Replies: 8 | Views: 1,723

Devour
Administrator
1

Posts: 9,916
Joined: Apr 2008
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 8, 2017 6:38 AM #1472696
A battle between two really good writers! Hold onto your butts. This is going to be a good one :o

We wrote our parts on Google Docs. Of course that caused some formatting tomfoolery. Apologies in advance for that--it shows up the most on Alph's part....

Devour's Part:
[spoiler=The Perfect Curse]Katrina took another sip of her drink.

[font]It was a quiet place where she sat. In a[/font] quiet town, in a quiet part of the world where she could for once relax and gather her thoughts in peace.[/FONT]

[font]Living in a time that was not her own to[/font]ok its toll on Katrina. Being stuck ten thousand years in the past meant everyday conveniences which she had enjoyed her whole life-- they were no longer there. They didn't even exist. Nor did every friend that she had ever known. Yet somehow everyone survived without them, as if they had never even mattered.

How could people live a life spent being so… suffocated? So small? Half the galaxy had been explored and mapped out in her time. Space, in all its beauty and danger, was wide open and free for all to see. Thousands of planets more exciting than primitive Earth were just a day’s trip away. How could these people around her be so blind to the magnitude of the universe? To the kind of life they were not lucky enough to have? They were doomed to be strapped to a mossy rock for their whole lives, never to leave or experience anything out of the ordinary. Yet somehow, they smiled.[/FONT]


Katrina took another sip.

[font]Her mood was worsened by a particular ma[/font]n on the other side of the bar who talked loudly, confidently, each word unconsciously proclaiming his perfection in all walks of life from his perfect choice of words to the way he treated others around him. The table loved him and his perfection, perhaps riding in the slipstream of a grandiose being that they knew they could never be themselves. Even his looks carried this; with a shining auburn mane that flowed beneath his strong jaw and masculine features, cared for and dressed within equally perfect clothing. It was almost comical how his green eyes dazzled in the dim light and how his hair flowed with the smallest turn of his head. It was as if he’d been sculpted by an obsessive craftsman to be perfect in every way, and that was the only word you could use to describe what so obviously and resolutely defined this man.[/FONT]

[font]Irritable as she was in her current stat[/font]e, the sight and sound of it had Katrina unconsciously digging her nails into the hardwood counter. She was not someone who yearned for perfection. Or even happiness, if she were to be completely honest. Perfection was a lie. Perfection was a hot fire with no cool breeze to shoo away. It was a roller coaster with no ups or downs. If perfection was all you knew, was perfection really all that special? Or would it disappear into a sea of other perfect moments with nothing to give any of them value or meaning?[/FONT]

[font]“And who do we have here?” The man s[/font]poke in her direction. Katrina glanced up from her drink and saw that he was in fact speaking to her. She realized at once the enormous list of things she would rather do than have conversation with this creature. “I haven’t seen you before, pretty lady. You remind me of someone I once knew, back in a time when I met a monster who wanted to drown the world in oil. Heh, that’s quite the story too.” He offered her a reassuring smile that spoke volumes, saying that he understood what she was thinking, and that he knew without a doubt he could raise her spirits and banish her bad mood. With no motive except for the genuine kindness within his heart, he wanted to be her friend.[/FONT]

[font]It made Katrina’s annoyance grow deepe[/font]r.[/FONT]

[font]“I don’t have the energy for your ga[/font]mes.” She said. “Leave me alone.”[/FONT]

[font]Staring for a pause, the man shrugged an[/font]d ordered a drink from the bartender. After a short moment, he walked up and placed another drink next to Katrina’s almost-empty glass, nodding once. In the short moment he was near, he leaned down so no one else could hear him say, “I understand. I’ll leave you be. Good luck out there, Captain.”[/FONT]

[font]For a brief period, Katrina absorbed jus[/font]t how calculated that simple gesture was as he walked away. It was the perfect, selfless, kind response to her sullen dismissal. With a barb at the tip to show her that he knew who she was. It was a powerful action to state that he was better than her as both an enemy and a friend, but by his good graces he had the heart to respond to her hostility with kindness anyways.[/FONT]

[font]Oddly enough, it was then that Katrina j[/font]ust couldn’t take it anymore.[/FONT]

[font]“Alright. Who the fuck do you think yo[/font]u are?” She snapped, standing up to look the mystery man in the eye. Her voice carried over the whole bar, silencing the friendly conversations with an uncomfortable halt.[/FONT]

[font]“Why, I’m David.” He replied smoot[/font]hly, unfazed by the sudden silence. “You can call me the Doctor if you’d like.”[/FONT]

[font]“You know damn well that’s not what [/font]I mean.”[/FONT]

“Please. Enlighten me, then.”

[font]The pirate captain huffed. The drinks sh[/font]e’d quaffed made the words she felt come out easier. “Everything about you mocks the way life really is. I can’t understand it. I’ve been listening to you talk for over an hour now, telling stories...” She paused for effect. “Has anything bad even happened to you? Ever?”[/FONT]

[font]“Of course they have. I’ve survived [/font]many bad things in my life. I lived through wars. You of all people should know what war does to someone.” The Doctor frowned. “Not to mention the darker parts of my life, tangled with the other beings that threatened to--”[/FONT]

[font]“But you always prevail, don’t you?[/font] Katrina interrupted loudly, remembering the stories she overheard him telling. “With great courage and effort, he lives to see another day! The great Doctor, so perfect and wise, triumphs over evil and reaps the rewards of his bravery! Everybody loves him. Everyone wishes they could be him. Gosh, it’s like he doesn’t even have to try to be the center of attention!” She sneered with sarcasm. “You’re so pretentious it makes me sick.”[/FONT]

[font]David’s expression darkened somewhat. [/font]He replied with nothing as cold eyes stared into hers, but Katrina did not care.[/FONT]

[font]“Your existence mocks of all of us who[/font] aren’t like you. Sometimes, you just can’t win. That’s one thing I know and you do not. We people sit here in our defeat and regret and make the best out of life that we can, and here you are. Splitting in the face of those who survived being crushed by life’s burdens that were too heavy to withstand.” [/FONT]

[font]She pointed a finger at his nose, lip ju[/font]tting out. “Life is hard. Brutally hard. To see some sparkling, primped-up twit, so absorbed with his own nauseating perfection try and offer me his friendship like it’s some life-raft out of my own shitty existence… it’s insulting. I’d rather die than to have your fake life of perfection.”[/FONT]

[font]Looking him in the eye, Katrina picked u[/font]p the glass he had bought her and downed it all in one mighty swig. She slammed it back to the counter hard enough to crack the glass, storming out from the bar.[/FONT]

[font]Katrina did not see just how dangerous t[/font]he Doctor’s gaze had been, and what it meant. She did not look back as she thumbed her bracelet and cleared the doors, stepping into the city night. It only took minutes before a silent black spectre swooped in from the blackness, landing daintily in the middle of the empty streets. Katrina’s A.C.E space vessel, a sole display of the incredible technology borne from the time that she belonged, hissed open at the cockpit. The pirate captain climbed in, still furious, and the ship departed from the ground with little more than a whisper of thrusters.[/FONT]

[font]“Welcome aboard, Captain.” The ship[/font]s AI said pleasantly. “Where shall we fly to tonight?”[/FONT]

[font]“I don’t care.” Katrina grunted, b[/font]arely audible as she stewed. “Turn on autopilot and go wherever. Just take me away from this fucking place.”[/FONT]

“As you wish.”

________________________

[font]Nearly an hour had passed. Katrina was l[/font]aying back, eyes shut when her ship spoke up with a small warning. “I’m detecting a craft flying our way.” The AI said. “It’s unusual.”[/FONT]

[font]“What’s its make and model?” Katri[/font]na asked out of habit, eyes still shut.[/FONT]

[font]“The database says it’s a P51-D Must[/font]ang, but that doesn’t look right. Look at this:” It brought up a small page off the internet onto the ship’s viewscreen. “It’s a model from 1940.”[/FONT]

[font]Katrina’s eyes opened. “Wait, what?[/font] She leaned forward. “That’s from 77 years ago! Did they even have wars back then with such awful technology?”[/FONT]

[font]“What’s course of action do you sugg[/font]est, Captain?” The ship asked, dodging her question.[/FONT]

[font]“Oh. Uh,” The pirate captain rubbed [/font]her eyes, trying to wake up a bit. “Raise the shields. Get me a picture of the Mustang. And the pilot too, if you can.”[/FONT]

[font]As the ACE glided gently through the ski[/font]es, the mysterious vessel soon caught up to them. It rode about a kilometer behind, matching their speed, seemingly doing nothing. In this amount of time, Katrina’s ship threw up an image of the craft in clear detail, edited to negate the effects of dark and movement.[/FONT]

[font]Katrina could see with perfect clarity t[/font]hat the pilot was Dr. David MacBeth. He was looking dead into the camera as if he knew he was being photographed.[/FONT]

[font]“Seriously? How did he find us?” The[/font] pirate glared at the image, swiping it off the screen with a gesture. “Has he tried contacting at all?”[/FONT]

[font]As she said those words, two streaks of [/font]light suddenly shone behind her. Warnings began to blare as twin missiles rocketed through the sky, straight towards her ship.[/FONT]

[font]“Oh, I see.” Katrina breathed. “I [/font]understand perfectly, Doctor.”[/FONT]

[font]With a command, the ACE vessel’s shiel[/font]ds dropped. Mere instants later, a searing laserbeam erupted from the rear, locking on and burning one of the missiles out of the sky. The other raced on untouched, and Katrina rolled her ship with ease, straight up and around as her bottom thrusters fired the ship at an odd angle a winged plane normally couldn’t do. The missile raced beneath her hull, swerving around, before the laser struck out again and shot it from the sky with robotic precision.[/FONT]

[font]But then David’s Mustang was barrellin[/font]g down on them, machine-guns blazing upon Katrina’s unshielded vessel.[/FONT]

[font]Whirling, the pirate shut down power to [/font]the weapons and flared up the shields, but not before the ship was rocked by a thunderous wave of exploding shells, striking the ship like a million angry woodpeckers. Flying at incredible speeds for the lack of powered engines, the Mustang zoomed by overhead, quickly making distance and beginning to turn around for another run.[/FONT]

[font]“Classic boom n’ zoom technique. Fla[/font]wless.” Katrina growled in begrudging respect, working her controls furiously. “Isn’t that a spacefight maneuver? I guess it works in atmosphere, too. What’s the damage?”[/FONT]

[font]“No penetrations. Lots of dents and cr[/font]acks in the armor.” It informed her as the captain swung her ship around to engage in earnest. Thrusters fired madly, quickly building up impossible speeds. “By all accounts, he should not have been able to even damage our armor…” [/FONT]

[font]Before the Mustang had time to turn back[/font] towards Katrina in its surprisingly-tight turn radius, the pirate captain had rocketed past his left side in a streak of pulsing jets. In response, David executed a flawless reverse aerial loop to counter his turn and bear his weapons on her path, to prevent her from turning behind his ship. It also provided him a perfect shot at her exposed flank.[/FONT]

[font]The Mustang once again opened fire and r[/font]aked the side of the ACE’s belly with claws of lead, but this time they merely caused the ship’s exterior to flash and quake with bright blue radiance, detonating on her shields.[/FONT]

[font]“Come into my house, said the spider t[/font]o the fly.” Katrina smiled. She pulled back on the joystick and the ACE vessel banked up toward the sky, thrusters lifting their weight easily. She allowed the bullets to strike as they climbed higher and higher.[/FONT]

[font]The Doctor was not the only one experien[/font]ced in atmosphere dogfighting. He had lost too much speed making a full rotation to follow her up into the skies for long. In addition to the recoil of his guns, even his modified engine could not sustain the climb. David had no choice but to drop back down to avoid entering a stall, dipping down at an angle that would require a normal plane to execute an impossible roll to follow him.[/FONT]

[font]But the ACE was not a plane. It simply r[/font]otated in the air with directional thrusters, retaining its momentum, before rocketing down after the descending Mustang.[/FONT]

[font]“You’re mine.” Katrina purred, loc[/font]king on to the descending Mustang with her ship’s computers. With immense satisfaction, she released two missiles of her own. They came screaming after the P-51 with unnatural grace.[/FONT]

[font]Almost immediately, her ship warned her [/font]of a strong electromagnetic field that seemed to be radiating from the Doctor’s craft. “Is that what I think it is?” Katrina breathed, watching David barrel roll to the left to clear himself from the missile’s path. The field seemed to be designed to short-circuit modern electronics.[/FONT]

[font]“David,” she said to herself, smug, [/font]“EMP fields are thousands of years old. We’ve moved on from circuits since then.”[/FONT]

[COLOR=#000000][font]The missiles followed his craft with per[/font]fect precision, unaffected by the EM field, microthrusters firing to a
Alphaeus
2

Posts: 1,218
Joined: Jan 2016
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 8, 2017 10:38 PM #1472799
(ummm...bump?)

Awesome fight, btw. I had a blast!
Kamiroo Wolf
2

Posts: 393
Joined: Aug 2015
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 9, 2017 12:09 AM #1472813
Wooooooooooo, just read Devour's part and I gotta say... I regret not reading a lot more of the battles around here. They're so good!

The only constructive criticism I can give is that the grammar and sentence structure was a bit choppy here and there with sentences that could have been be combined, punctuation that felt(and was) unnecessary, and other minor details that disrupted the flow of an otherwise great story! The characters were captured well(at least I feel so) and the way each of them were portrayed delighted me to the point where I found myself interested and yearning to know more about both of them. The ending felt a bit... odd to me(a tad bit anticlimactic and unfitting for a character like David if you will), but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Great work, Devour!

Aaaaaaaand back a bit later. Just finished Alph's part!

I personally dislike The Doctor from a character standpoint and went into this story looking for stuff to nitpick and frown at, but I have to say through and through the work was solid and I enjoyed it immensely! There were little, negligible grammar mistakes(only to be expected in every story) here and there, sure, but my only real issues with the writing were the parts that would have made more sense if I had been following The Doctor's/Nehushtan's story(No clue what the serum issue was about, though it made me think of Gus, Sanctuary's scientist who may or may not have access to a similar substance) and the ending, which I honestly found a bit unsatisfying and expected(though still a good one). All in all, the story was solid and the action within was riveting. Excellent work, Alphaeus!

As for my vote... I'm actually going to give it to Devour. Though the ending and action was a bit on the lighter side in her story, the characters really drew me in a way that allowed me to enjoy the ride more than I did in Alphaeus'(I even ended up skimming a few parts, sorry). However, the work and time each of you put into both stories is greatly appreciated, and I look forward too seeing more from each of you!

Sorry if my review of the stories was shit, I'm still working on this whole feedback thing.
Devour
Administrator
1

Posts: 9,916
Joined: Apr 2008
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 15, 2017 3:36 AM #1473361
Thanks Kamiroo :) Yeah, I thought up a better ending like 3 days after posting the thread and I'm kicking myself for not doing it. It really was kinda anti-climactic. I appreciate that you posted too!

I never made a post myself... Alph, I totally loved how you depicted Katrina in your part :o The story itself was pretty dang good. I wouldn't have minded the dogfight part going on for longer, which was the gimmick of our whole thing, though I guess mine didn't have a ton of dogfighting either. Since I was a participant I read your part for enjoyment over C&C, so I haven't really picked out any C&C or whatever. But it was a super fun battle and I'm glad we matched.

I'm also saddened by how few people voted or commented on this. It's kind of discouraging honestly, since i put a lot of work into my story and think both of these parts are super rad. If the turnout is so small compared to the number of people who viewed the thread, was all that work worth it? Outside of the fun of writing the story itself of course, but the thoughts remain... Will the turnout be like this every time? Do I want to write the best I can and only have 1 person C&C it? Idk mang...
Urako

Posts: 636
Joined: Mar 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 15, 2017 3:40 AM #1473363
I read it. I don't have much to say, but I want you to know Devour that I read both of the stories and I thought they were awesome. I don't have any CnC because you guys are some of the best and i really don't have anything to say. I guess the real reason why i'm posting this is to say don't lose heart. More people read this than you think. They just don't always comment and vote.
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 15, 2017 3:42 AM #1473364
You changed the fonts. You changed the fonts?! THE FUCK, MAN
ErrorBlender
2

Posts: 4,399
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 15, 2017 4:00 AM #1473365
Woop.

I had read both stories like a day after it released but I put off voting for a bit thinking on who to vote for. I only realized I've put it off for so long but I'm happy I made it. Anyway, here we go.

Devour:
Katrina was more in focus here and felt more like a short story than a battle (despite a dog fight taking place in it) and it felt nice to read. Character development here was good, I loved how it all ended the way it did. Even if David was more of a plot device here used to spur on Katrina's own progress as a person, I felt as if this was okay. This was alright. Not all battles need to focus so hard on each gladiator but just enough to give them character as to not simply denounce them as props. David and Katrina were done well here, if I may say, and it through the days that I procrastinated, I would think which story better left a mark.

Alphaeus:
You write well, kudos to you on that. Its long (no problem there, I just felt the need to mention) but has a lot of bits that keep you hooked. I felt as if nothing happened though. It was just another day in being David. An awesome day, but just another day.

Verdict:
Both stories were written well, no doubt there. In the weeks that did go for me lazily easing the responsibility to vote into the corner of my mind, Devour's piece struck me as more memorable. In the end, I go for how much I enjoyed reading a story. So, it goes to Devour.
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 15, 2017 4:54 AM #1473366
I appreciate that as soon as I finished both stories, the theme song of Devour's side instantly played. Well, the chorus at least, for the beginning at least.

Anyway!

Devour: I don't know much about planes, but I think I was able to follow your piece very well. I liked the characterization of the gladdies and thought the ending was extremely well done, but the battle itself seemed to be missing... something. Maybe it was just that it had so much buildup but the Pirate was never in any true danger. The one thing I kinda took issue with was why the Doc was hunting her. Sure, she was a bitch, and sure, I'd be pissed if someone checked 'no' on my 'Wanna be friends' note, but it's not a hunt down an out-of-this-world craft and attack level offense. Motivation matters to me, a whole lot, and as well written as it was, it left an iffy feeling in my mouth through the story.

Alph: Yours was also extremely well written, but I did get lost a few times and had to reread some things several times in desperate hope of understanding (Doc's copy in Kat's ship, for example). Also, the perspective shifts were a bit to frequent for me. Once in a while is fine, but rapid use of the underscore kinda felt like cheating. It also made it tricky to connect to them. With Devour, while I didn't like the motive, as someone who works food, people straight piss me right the fuck off a few times a week, so it's a feeling I recognize, but I can't form a bond with 'Cool, dogfight,' or attempted burglary. I think if you held onto one over the other, it would've glided to more connection to the characters, but with the cuts, I didn't feel close to either.

In the end, I'm giving Top Gun to Devour. Both were really well written, it's just that with his, I got a more stable picture
Alphaeus
2

Posts: 1,218
Joined: Jan 2016
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 17, 2017 3:42 PM #1473744
Yeah, I think I screwed up. Hence why I've gone back to Altaer. I need to get a grip on things.

Anyhow, awesome battle.

Now...

@Dvor

Collab time. Theme: Freaking the shit out of Katrina. Just like we discussed. :D
Website Version: 1.0.4
© 2025 Max Games. All rights reserved.