Name:

Just like most other characters, the name section doesn't really need to be commented on.

"But, Pitch... Why do you keep adding a section for it in your CnCs?"

Well, person I created to fulfill this one purpose, I put it there because, sometimes, people say somethings that conflict with the rest of their bio. Hopefully, this won't be the case here.... if it is I will add an edit.

Quote from Abilities

Puppeteering Magic- The form of magecraft handed down in the Eolas family. It works like one assumes, allowing for remote manipulation of a doll. The Eolas line took this further not being satisfied with moving a human effigy made of wood or plastic, they resorted to creating their own puppets complete with a consciousness, closer to golemancy. Erik inherited three of these puppets namely, Scarlet, Ciel, and Gris. Has a Telepathic bond with all his Puppets, always active.

High Intellect- Erik is a borderline genius letting his brain shore up his lack of brawn. He has gained a knack for battlefield analysis and tactics to give him as much of an edge on his opponents as possible.

Weak presence- for as long as he remembered he was uncannily sneaky, able to fly below even veteran warriors’ radars. He can remain hidden for a long amount of time and if there is a large enough distraction move around virtually unnoticed.

Also, carries a military grade combat knife.

You know what? I like puppetry. I've liked puppetry since I saw Sasori control a shit ton of puppets in Naruto. So, I've already got my hopes up on that front. If the puppets are cool then I'm gonna think this shit is cool. Do not disappoint me, please.

As for the weak presence thing, it seems a little odd when it is not presented with an explanation. Here it just says he is sneaky naturally but I want to know why. Is his overall look just not intimidating or extravagant to warrant extra attention? Is he the next Hokage? Is he using his Devil Fruit? What is it man?!

Quote from History

Erik’s earliest memories were that of the Eolas family mansion he called home. From birth the mansion and the surrounding estate was the only place he had known and the multiple servants around him, his only company. Well, that is not entirely true, the large library and its massive collection of books also kept his mind from the horrid threat of death by boredom.

Erik never knew his parents; they never visited or even seemed to exist past references in books that the young Erik read. Of what little he knew they were mages, ones skilled in making objects move as they so desired, encouraged by the house staff he began to quickly learn and practice the arcane heritage of his family, at that point he learned that he had been surrounded by Puppets all the while, each and every single servant was a Puppet created for housekeeping by his family, Automated to care for the Mansion and its residents till they fall apart or wither way.

His world was flipped at the age of eight when an unknown group of assailants arrived intent of razing everything on the estate. Erik had just finished transferring the spell circle of his family’s three best puppets thus nowhere near a state ready to defend the mansion so two of the servants took several tomes and their master to safety while the others delayed the aggressors as long as possible. Here started the next phase of Erik’s life, living the next ten years away from the comforts of home that he knew.

The three sought asylum with a mercenary group called the Menagerie, a group of oddballs and outcasts that owed Erik’s parents favors. They took him in and lived the next ten years under them, refining his control over Puppets and occasionally going on jobs with them. Bringing us to the present where he stands as a full member of the Menagerie, and one of their best.

This history is ok. Like, I don't see any huge glaring problems that make me want to post gifs and write in all caps.. but I don't see anything super awesome. This is a perfectly ok history... but it isn't great. What could make this story great is some explanation. Why aren't his parents home often? I mean, they have this huge ass mansion but they decide to never go to it? I know you can probably say "Oh, they are mages so they are busy." But, I don't really think this is a very interesting explanation. I'm sure you can find some reason for them not to be there that makes more sense.

Quote from Personality

Erik has a nonchalant personality, generally seen by others as apathetic to anything other than important people in his life or things that interest him. He can be described as Amoral, he regards things not whether right or wrong but whether they benefit him or not. Despite this he’s not all bad, he does acts of kindness towards those less fortunate than him or to total strangers if it does not inconvenience him, on the reasoning that he likes to feel good on the inside sometimes too.

Tends to keep to himself and is actually rather lazy most of the time but when he does get fired up there is little that can dissuade him from doing a task. Has a habit of teasing those he feels close to but is kind to them and contrary to above goes out of his way to help them even with no benefit to himself. Loves to eat meat and chocolate. Seriously dislikes repeating tasks or statements.

Here is where we have to think about how his living situation would affect his personality. It starts off ok, with his amoral attitude being expected from a person who was never around his parents and was taken care of by puppets. People usually learn how to be good to others from other people, mainly their parents. So, if there were no other people to teach him these things, you would expect him to act like someone who only cared for himself since no one taught him to care for others, right? But, then it is stated that he likes to help people that are less fortunate than him. Now, if it wasn't followed up by you stating that he only helps people to feel good and if it doesn't inconvenience him, I would start putting in some minor gifs at this point. I believe that this character should be more selfish, thinking that he will only help people if he gains something from the situation. But, the way you have it right now isn't terrible enough to make me want to say you HAVE to change the personality. I just think that this change could make his personality and his history connect more.

Quote from Appearance

His appearance can be summed up in the word “Normal” with a hint of Asian ethnicity. His black hair though messy blends in with a crowd and his black eyes are those of countless others in the world. His build is average for an eighteen year old, one could say he fits the description of a background character in media, his clothing choices also reflect this. The only thing that seems off about him is the long glove he wears on his right hand to hide the puppet spell circles and a strange claw tattoo at the base of his neck, the mark of the Menagerie.

A hint of Asian? Where did this come from? I certainly don't remember reading anything about his family even being remotely connected to any parts of Asia. Hell, Erik Eolas sounds like a Nordic name to me. Could I get some explanation here?

Also, it seems like this section answered my previous question. He's sneaky because he is the most average looking kind of Asian mother fuckah in the mage business. I'm actually completely fine with this. I don't think a character has to stand out too much with their appearance if it fits their character. If your character was, say, an alien god or some shit, I would expect more in this section. But, since he's a normal dude, I can let it pass.

Quote from Puppets

General Information

They are formed through a complicated spell requiring a Core which will serve as the main factor in the puppets abilities, other details such as appearance and such come from what other items are included in the ritual. After the assembly ritual the information of the Puppet is condensed into a spell circle for safekeeping and portability when needed the Puppet is constructed from Mana by the spell.

A Puppet when they look human is far from it. They feel no pain and are merely inconvenienced when an appendage or even their head is removed, instead of blood they emit what looks like steam from their wounds, this is mana. Because of this all Puppets have a healing factor innate in all of them, though not exactly effective in battle, at most they should be able to heal a medium sized cut or similar injury but anything larger will need to be treated outside of battle.

On the question of Sentience and Autonomy, all the Puppets are fully sentient. During battle Erik’s Puppets are indistinguishable from humans capable of forethought and adapting to opponent’s strategy, outside of battle is where their nature as Puppets shows, much of what they do revolves around fulfilling the role that which they were assigned, reason why Erik rarely summons Gris outside of fights. They can defy Erik’s orders but he gives them a long leash, so to speak.

When not summoned they are pretty much disembodied voices in Erik’s head. They can only view the world through Erik’s senses when not summoned. Also to clarify he can have more than one Puppet summoned at a time but can only access less than a fourth of their full potential when so. Basically many Puppets out for story, Yes. Many out for battle, No.

Oh boy, the moment I have been waiting for. The one question I have before I dive into these separate profiles is, are these really puppets? They all have their own sentience, enough to adapt to a person's strategies and the like. A puppet is something that someone controls. For example, in Naruto, the puppets are connected to their puppeteer through blue strings and they control their every movement. Here, they seem more like golems... which alarms me since it makes it easier for someone to have a bunch of different ability themes in one character without making them too reliant on each other.

Actually, now that I think about it, there is no point talking about them each individually because my thoughts were rather true. I just wrote an entire thing on 2 of the characters before realizing it... So, I better get my point across quick before I lose my mind.

Making a puppeteer can be cool but it is also rather difficult. It is difficult because it is so easy to just make it into a group wRHG rather than a puppeteer wRHG. This character is a group character. Each of the puppets has its own sentience, abilities, personalities, etc. So, to me, these aren't puppets. They are their own developed characters that could each function on their own. Like, if any one of these characters was put in a fight they could win. They don't need each other, which goes against one of the guidelines for group wRHGs. They have to rely on each other in a big way, not just "Erik gives them life." Instead of giving them sentience, I believe that each of these puppets should be lifeless in actuality and, instead, Erik gives them personalities and uses his control to make those personalities show. This could be explained by his history where he spent most of his time alone. He could have been so lonely that he created personalities for his puppets to make them seem like friends rather than hunks of material. If you thought about implementing this idea I think your character could be something really great.

Relationships:

My one and only question is, who are these maids? From what I read, it is stated that

Quote from History

each and every single servant was a Puppet created for housekeeping by his family, Automated to care for the Mansion and its residents till they fall apart or wither way.

So, were these maids given orders to take their master away if things got hairy? Do they get their power from his mana? If not, where they get powered? Who created them? etc etc.


Summary:

What I think you have here is a potentially really good puppeteer character that ended up being a kind of good character with golems. If you think about some of the ideas I have presented, I think you'll be fine,

11/26/17- Updated Encounters and Points. Balanced Yukari hopefully making her less of an Ace in the Hole and more into a damage sponge.

12/5/17- Changed "Puppets" into "Familiars" and related skills accordingly, Even more, balance changes for Yukari, changed how Anathema Ritual works and added Weaknesses accordingly. Other minor changes to other areas relevant to "Familiar"