I'm always impressed by people who can hug their opponent's perspective, and I felt that Wilder's parts felt natural and you had solid action throughout. But anyway:
The beginning felt like a bit of a slow start, but the first thing I'll pick away at is Wilder's introduction.
Perseus Ford A.K.A. Wilder stared into the depths
The A.K.A. there feels aggressively forced, if not sloppy, especially when you're about to say that his uniform, just described in the pictures, is right beside him. You're about to establish who he is, no need to hold our hand when we're about to cross the street.
Perseus Ford A.K.A. Wilder stared into the depths of the night sky from his living room couch still in his newly modified suit, his new horned oni mask on the low table beside him. He was mulling the information he gained from Selofina about her old boss, the shadowy figure responsible for the several attacks on him the past few months, trying to hunt Percy in his own city, and now he knew where the bastard was.
As mentioned, I am much further behind than previously thought. What's the relationship between Selofina and her old boss? And Selofina and Percy? Did she get thrown to the fire and now they're unlikely allies? Is she an independent but still loyal? Like, when you think or talk about someone, it should be pretty clear on weather or not you like them.
Perseus Ford stared into the depths of the night sky from his living room couch still in his newly modified suit, his new horned oni mask on the low table beside him. He was mulling the information he gained from Selofina about her old boss, the shadowy figure responsible for the several attacks on him the past few months, trying to hunt Percy in his own city, and now he knew where the bastard was. Now the table was ready to turn, it was his turn, this boss’ turn to be hunted. It was time to avenge Diamond. He was going down, he was going to pay. Pay for killing Percy’s partner. He licked his lips; he could taste it, revenge. It was so clo-
Having said that, the way this is delivered feels super chill. I mean, I know there are emotions because I assume they are, but seeing is where it really shows. What does this mean for him, what point is he going through in his life? Is he ready to burst at his wit's end, or is he locked in some calm before the storm type state? This may be 3rd person, but it's still Percy's view. What are his thoughts on this? Ya got bold and italics on google docs. This is where you use 'em.
'Perseus Ford stared into the depths of the night sky from his living room couch still in his newly modified suit, his new horned oni mask on the low table beside him. He was mulling the information he pried from Selofina about her old boss, the cryptic devil responsible for the several attacks on him the past few months. The snake had been trying to hunt Percy in his own city, and now... he knew where the bastard was. Now, the table was ready to turn, it was his turn, this... 'boss’' turn to be hunted. It was time to avenge Diamond. He was going down, he was going to pay slaughtering the most pure hearted woman he'd ever met. Pay for killing Percy’s partner, the only one who stood by his side. He licked his lips; he could taste it. ...Revenge... It was so clo-'
Minor thing, but I don't know if this translates:
With his aim honed to absurd levels by his card throwing each of the twelve rounds hit their targets detonating them midair.
Like, that's more of a flick of the wrist type deal. Throwing a football doesn't mean you can shoot free-throws. I don't know, it just makes the sentence confusing, at least for me.
Next thing is watch out for mentioning unnecessary things.
“Move it! Once things quiet down meet me at the place we first met!” Wilder, of course, meaning his main apartment, the place she tried to ambush him several months ago, the start of this game of hunter and hunted.
Kinda feels like
the Deadpool pause, where the action (and time) stop for a stove gag. It kinda works in that sense, but nothing about the scene feels meant to be funny, and the end is just a random cut away. I'm more worried about the raining hell than knowing where they met, at the moment. I do know that I just knocked you for not saying their relationship before, but now isn't the time.
“Move it! Once things quiet down meet me at the place we first met!” Wilder, of course, meaning his main apartment, the place she tried to ambush him several months ago, the start of this game of hunter and hunted.
Spinning on his heels, Wilder drew his arms forward, fingers floating a fraction of an inch from the triggers. The abrupt stop caused by the sight of Selofina in front of him, only now there was a blade of ice attached like an extension of her arm.
“What the hell are you doing?!” The vigilante shouted lowering his left hand to wipe the sweat off his neck.
“What do you mean? We have an agreement, I’m not letting you die before it’s fulfilled,” she stated as confidently, as a layer of fog began to condense around her.
Of course, I have to look for her little sister. Despite the bad blood between them, Wilder had every intention of fulfilling it…yet the way she worded it… “Hey, I just want to ask one question.”
“Fine, what is it,” she stopped an arm’s length from the vigilante, placing her free hand on her hip.
“What was our agreement again?”
“Huh, what are you talking about, you forgot it already?”
At the words, Wilder’s fingers twitched, “Just say it!”
Selofina let out a sigh, “Fine, you really forgot it didn’t you, it was to get reven-”
BANG!
Her words cut off with a bullet to the skull, Wilder’s gun barrel still slightly smoking. “My memory is perfect, remember,” the masked man muttered then moved away now noticing the dense fog that surrounded him.
Contrary to last time, now is the time for more information. This scene was hard to follow, but mostly because the relationship has been undefined so far. Selofina has been on the wrong side of the law and crossed Wilder before, so it would be a safe bet to assume that the two aren't exactly at ease with each other. Sure, it sounded kinda weird, but without seeing what's going on in Percy's mind, it feels more like 'Can I trust you' more than 'Are you you?'.
I think the last thing I've got is while it helps that you stated what the cards in use did, it would've been nicer to see them in action rather than to simply have it open with the statement, especially when you did show shortly after. Outright stating too many things can start to sound like you're talking down to your reader.
he threw down three exploding electro cards, as the name suggests a combination of his electrocution and explosive cards
The way Selofina seemed to drop out of the story felt a little odd as well, but all in all, solid job!
