He cusses
He hits
You can't take it anymore.

I thought it would pass away
But it didn't, it got more worse than before
It makes me angry, and alone
I want to beat him up.
But something tells me to take it calm and tell it to the school,
Or someone close to you.

He cusses
He hits
You can't take it anymore.

Bullying is wrong
It never is good and never was
It has happened before
And if you don't try to stop it, it might continue on
They think they're bad or get respect from others
They do not understand how the victims feels or angers

He comes up with his friends and slap me on my face
They laugh, they think they're joking but they do not understand

This must be stopped
I don't have to put up with this
I take my anger on
He feels the pain and his friends ran away
I stand here with confidence

From that way onward he never spoke to me again

It's an unreleased Linkin Park song!

Someone point out the intelligent poetic devices he used here.

O WAIT

Well done for staying an idiot, and I don't get you.

this poem sounds pretty pathetic to me.. like it was written in direct response to being "bullied" or something.
i would hardly call this a poem, sounds more like "incoherent ramblings of angry 12 year old".
I can't offer much constructive criticism because this is just dumb.

but, "keep trying!" or whatever

I agree with Nodd. It's a pain to read, it's in no way intelligent or really that poetic. Not like being totally reader-friendly would be the way, but I mean, come on. Use some meter. Make it a poem. Really, make it rhyme at least somewhere.

"more worse".
Heh.

Quote from ScHaLL

I agree with Nodd. It's a pain to read, it's in no way intelligent or really that poetic. Not like being totally reader-friendly would be the way, but I mean, come on. Use some meter. Make it a poem. Really, make it rhyme at least somewhere.

i mean, i don't really care that it doesn't rhyme.. some of the best poetry doesn't rhyme. but this is just terrible, this isn't even a poem. it's just an angry little kid "bawwwing" non-stop about something only he gives a shit about.

Yeah like I said. It's not like it needed to be reader-friendly in order to be good. But this is... well... really bad.

Yea, this was not very good.

You switch between first and second person. You started a repetition device but failed to execute it properly. No climax made it uninteresting. You say the meaning directly: bullying is bad. Saying the meaning is the worst thing you could possibly do in a poem.

Here's the problem: we don't care about your life. If you were trying to salvage this poem, I would say that you should stick to one literary device and expand it. I think it would be interesting if you made it about power. You hate being bullied, but you over turn him and now you're the bully. You don't let him forget it. However, you keep it all first person.

One word

METAPHOR

teen angst at its most pronounced. And take that advice ^

Do you likes this poem?

No. If you're asking for my honest opinion, I really hate it. It's one of the worst poems I've ever read. Sorry for that, but I'm not even exaggerating. Try more, but this is really horrible, IMHO.

I'm not really good at poems, I just wrote it when I was bored. I never really write poem, rarely actually so this is not like my best. I can't make the best anyway. Don't take this seriously.