Bastards.
This is something really bad that happened to him, and all you can do is make fun of him. Would you like it if your friend was almost killed, and was lying in hospital at this moment, and everyone made fun of you?
I genuinely feel for you, man. I had a couple of friends over late at night, and we were attacked by burglars. One was shot in the head, the other in the stomach. The first one died instantly, but the second just lay there for hours, screaming. He eventually died from the loss of blood.