So last night, while I was sleeping, God spoke to me. "Hi," he said. After a short pause, I realised he was expecting an answer, so I casually replied with a simple hello. God manifested in front of my eyes, and took the form of George Clooney. His seductive eyes looked right through me, as if I was something you can look right through, and he asked:
"Do you consider yourself a good person?"
"Yes, I take pride in helping those less fortunate than myself," I lied.
"Good," George Clooney said, with a smile oozing of self confidence, "Then I give unto you, the recipe for the best thing I ever created."
When I woke up, and unknown amount of time later, there was a dusty, old stone tablet laying at my feet. As I read it, I realised my dream had been real, and that my purpose in life was to make whatever it was he had given me the recipe for. The result was mind blowing. If you are dissatified with his work on the world, this creation will make you reconsider his omnipotence.
I bring to you the peak of Godly achievement, a gastronomic experience, an instant amusement park for you mouth. Ladies, I, alive, proudly present:
God's Chocolate Chip Cookies
Here's what you will need:
1 cup of butter
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
a little salt
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
a desired ammount of vanilla extract (golden rule of baking: you can never have too much vanilla extract)
2 cups of Hershey's semi sweet chocolate chips
Alright, so now you know what you need. You can't just mash everything together though, God came up with an intricate process in order to make these cookies as awesome as they are.
Here's how you do it:
First, you set the oven to 190 degrees C. then you get a bowl and put the two eggs in it (remember to remove the shell, you only want the liquid transparent and yellow substances in your cookies). Now, use a fork to mix the yellow stuff white the white, transparent stuff, and then put the butter in. Next, you have to mix the now only yellow egg solution, with the (coincidentally also) yellow butter. This is easier using another of God's creations: A mixmaster. After a while in the mixmaster the egg stuff and the butter is mixed together, and becomes a yellow sticky mass. I haven't tasted this stuff, but I imagine it's quite disgusting. You don't want disgusting, you want awesome. Therefore, you toss in the brown and white sugar. It will now look like butter, eggs, and brown sugar mashed together, and doesn't taste too bad. It does however, need some flour. After you have carefully mixed the flour in, the dough will be quite stiff, and your mixmaster might actually have problems working on it. Stare hard at it. Now, you toss in the vanilla extract (remember to taste some of it, because it's really good), the salt, and the baking soda. The baking soda is a tricky bastard. It looks just like vanilla extract, but tastes like shit. I don't know why it's needed, but who am I to question God? Anyway. Lastly, you have to stir in the chocolate chips (they are very important, because without them you're just making cookies, which isn's as divine as chocolate chip cookies). Now drop the dough by rounded tablespoons on a cookie sheet, and put them in the oven for like ten minutes. You have to be careful when you take them out of the oven, because they have a tendency to fall apart. If you wait for a little while, however, they will harden, and become awesome.
You now have a fair amount of chocolate cookies, courtesy of God. I reccomend eating these cookies for breakfast, lunch, dinner and inbetween-snacks.
