hurr .

Lots of the rhymes didn't go well together, and were kind of out of synche. Try using better words to go together, and words that didn't go to random topics to explain them.

Yeah, the words do seem to rhyme too much and i couldn't agree more with using better words.

Thanks for the crit'.

I apologise for the double post, but;
This is the song that gave me the idea to attempt writing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qv4QBRS-U50
I'm trying to make it flow that well, but i failed.


Also,
More critique?