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New song I wrote for our band

Started by: Nebakenezzer | Replies: 6 | Views: 415

Nebakenezzer
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Dec 20, 2009 12:47 AM #526169
mm its about nazis n concentration camps and all that other fun stuff
tell me what ya think, alot of historical references in there if you can point em out ;)
NOTE: the bold parts are screaming (like screamo/metal/w/e) and the underlined are harmonized

It all started with the blood flag falling
it was what sealed his cults fate
He claimed his path was his nations true calling
His totalitarian state

An oath spoken
In a cathedral of light
Thousands gathered
hands towards the sky
Who coulve known
the millions that died
were ushered in by one mans spite


No one noticed when the fences were growing
or golden stars which fueled hate
We only wondered where the cattle cars were going
I guess we found out too late

just shield your eyes
I promise youll be just fine
the blackened skies
shall not be your fate

They claimed that work would set you free
The shower rooms with zyklon B?
I guess we found out too late
of the ashen blankets of gray
Überschall
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Dec 20, 2009 1:24 AM #526177
It seems somewhat empty for me. As in "Yeah, there was Hitler and there were concentration camps and... meh." Maybe it's just me, but there's nothing really being transmitted, no judgement from your side or any emotion towards it.
Nebakenezzer
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Dec 20, 2009 4:20 AM #526204
Im saying the foreign powers were too slow on reacting to save peoples
Überschall
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Dec 20, 2009 2:50 PM #526298
Hm, yeah I see. But I think maybe that drowns a little in there. Anyway, I'd wait for some other people to comment on this, maybe it's just me.
Gavel
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Dec 21, 2009 12:49 AM #526434
lol a song about nazis? unless you had to do this as a history project or something... it would be better if it were about something people who didn't live 60 years ago can relate to. something that has relevance in this day and age. but there's ways you can write a song about the holocaust or some shit and make it relevant, i guess. i.e. jedi mind tricks
Fries
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Dec 21, 2009 7:22 AM #526571
o.0 hmmm, the scream-o doesnt do anything for me, i guess u guyz could try to do a harmonized song the entire time. especially for this event
Handshake
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Dec 29, 2009 2:16 PM #529893
Thats rubbish. Too short, not powerful enough, same dull imagery, screamo, no poetic abilities and the frick happened to the syllables sequences.

You fail at songwriting. And YES, I could do better. In fact, I should be the one writing songs for your band
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