How about this.
I went to Buttlins ONCE, Alton Towers TWICE, My family has been having a SHITLOAD of partys, I have a trampoline(which is down for now(Rhyme!)), I have drove out of the UK to England JUST ON A MINI BUS AND CAR a fuckload of times, I go to Lawrenny every summer holiday for holiday since my mum brought it for me and she spends the rent, I have one cat and one dog, my 1st sister is an asshole while the 2nd and 3rd are lovey, I have OVER 9000 comics, OVER 9000 games, A PS3 where you just touch the thing and it comes on, a black Nintendo WII, a Nintendo DS Lite, Nintendo DS I and Nintendo 3DS, OVER 9000 movies, my room is a fucking mess, we SOMETIMES have a pool party in the summer with a water slide, my birthday starts on a first day of the month, my country(UK) is so fucking awesome, im half-cast, im a WWE fan, I saw WWE twice and will probably see this years one in Cardiff, OVER 9000 toys, 7-10 friends, ive played Hotel 626 and The House, I have a laptop, I have Google Chrome, I have a flatscreen T.V., I have a T.V. box in my bedroom, im a prank master and fuckload of more.
BEAT THAT.
Pretty sure he did just beat that. I didn't hear of a single women in your message. Except for your mum.