I expected sleep that night to come easy. And it did for me, I guess. But even as I tried to doze off in the darkness, some weird noise was going on and on nearby, and I had no idea what it was.
I tried to ignore it for a bit, but then before I knew it, Anne was standing next to my bed. Her hair was a mess, her eyes were red from crying, her nose was running, and she looked embarrassed about it all. She looked even more unhappy that she was standing in front of me, about to talk to me about it. All at once, I realized that the sound bothering me had been her crying, as she tried to muffle the noise she made.
I sat up on my bed, bleary eyed. “What’s wrong, Anne?” I asked her gently.
“It’s my parents again…” She did look embarrassed, as if her reason to be sad was a trivial one. Hell, she had a better reason to be sad than I did when Andrew was killed. “I feel so bad about everything. I mean, Mom and Dad were rich, and we were just leaving the bank after my Dad was cashing a check, or something like that. We were going to go to Disney Land, because he’d just got promoted and he was making a lot of money now. We can’t go there anymore, but, you know…” That had been my fault. Another reason to feel terrible about myself. Anne kept talking. “One moment they were standing there, staring at you, and then the next moment there was a sound that was louder than anything I’ve ever heard before, and the whole wall of that bank just… fell over for no reason and it landed on them perfectly. Mom died right away, and she was dead before I even knew what happened. Dad… he was crushed up to his hips... He kept on saying he was sorry to me over and over again, but I couldn’t figure out why.”
Anne looked up at me, with a small smile that showed just a glimmer of hope there. “And then when he died, you showed up out of nowhere, saying that you could help me. I’m really happy you’re letting me live with you for now, but…” She faltered, not able to find the words for what she was trying to describe. But I knew exactly what she was thinking.
“It’s like you’re not letting their deaths impact you like it should?” I tried finishing for her. “Like it doesn’t feel like they’re really dead? That when you wake up tomorrow, maybe you’ll be in your own bed, And everything will be normal again. And your dad will be waking you up, telling you to go and get packed for the trip to Disney Land.”
“Holy cow,” she breathed. “That’s exactly what I’m feeling. Every word you just said.”
“It’s because I’ve been exactly where you are right now, kiddo.” I swung my legs off my bed, and looked her in the eyes. “I was even the same age as you when it happened. When I woke up in that hospital the next day, I thought I was going to wake up in my home too. That my Mom and Dad would call me down for breakfast, and I’d eat pancakes with way too much maple syrup, like I would in a perfect world.” I shrugged. “This kind of stuff happens to people. I know it’s not much of a comfort, but you’re not the only one who has to deal with this. Terrible stuff happens to everyone. What matters, is this.” I pointed at her heart. “If you’re strong enough to make it through the worst life can do to you, then you can make it through anything. And you’ll know that you’re strong enough to do whatever you want.”
Despite her sadness, Anne gave me a smile. “Yeah… just like you, right? Your brother died in front of you, and now you’re going to change the whole world so that it doesn’t happen to anyone ever again.”
I nodded, smiling back. “Exactly.”
“I just wish that… I don’t know.” She shook her head.” You can say everything you want, but the pain is still there, and my parents still died in front of my eyes. It hurts me a lot. And no matter how much I don’t want to, all I can see in my eyes is my Dad, hurting so badly and trying to say sorry again and again… Why can’t I do anything about it?”
I put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Anne, if you weren’t hurting as bad as you are right now, I don’t think I could say that you’re human. You’re right; I could go on for a long time about how everything’s going to be okay, but nothing changes what actually happened. What you’re feeling means that you’re still alive. And that you still love them.”
Anne didn’t say anything back for a while. She just sat on my bed, looking sorry for herself.
After a minute or so went by, she asked me, “How long does it hurt? How long will I feel like this, Sam?”
All I could do was answer truthfully. “For a long time, I’m afraid. It still hurts whenever I think of Andrew, and it’s been seven years since then.”
“Alright then… but what about your parents? Does it still hurt to think about them?”
I still remembered them perfectly. Jack and Margaret, who were as responsible for themselves as any good farmers were. We always had something to do in that old place. I still remembered Maggie’s smile perfectly. She cooked the most delicious muffins that I’ve ever had, and she was as determined, or as stubborn, as I am. No matter how much my dad shaped me, Maggie was the main reason why I was the person I was today. Which may or may not be a bad thing.
Jack was the one who gave me my self-control. Unlike my Mom, he didn’t lecture me every time he caught me using my power. He taught me to have control over it, throwing rocks in the air and daring me to catch them before they fell. He always got yelled at by Mom whenever she caught us, but he never stopped.
“Yeah. It still sucks to remember them.” I exhaled. “But it gets better, and you have to believe me when I say that. Life goes on, and so will you. You’re a strong girl, Anne. Okay?” I gave her a look.
“Okay.” Anne gave me a weak smile back, and I could see some of her usual strength return to her eyes. “Thanks, Sam. You’d make a good dad, for someone who lost their parents when they were young. I don’t know what I’d be doing right now without you.”
I did, although she wouldn’t want to hear it. I wanted to say something back to her, but a better idea was rolling around in my mind. It was going to be expensive, if that idea turned into a reality, but it would definitely be worth it as well. And it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford it.
This was the least I could do for Anne, after what I did to her earlier today. I nodded to myself, and made up my mind. “Speaking of being a good dad…” I paused, but then forced myself onwards. No going back now. “I’ve been thinking that as soon as spring rolled around, we could make our way to Florida. I hear that Disney World is an amazing place to be.” I waited for a bit, before Anne comprehended what I was saying. It was like her face glowed as it lit up with excitement, and she started dancing where she sat. “What do you say?”
The remnants of Anne’s sadness vanished.