Quote from Hewitt

Hello, friends. Hewitt here.

I guess my stepdown was kind of an abrupt shock but I just want to let you know that this mindset wasn't a split-second decision and with every month that passed until that day, I was always planning to so it was only a matter of time. I'm writing this to give you guys a sense of closure, or at least an explanation because I don't think its fair at least for this family to be left in the dark after all that we've done for this place and for each other. I ask that whatever is spoken of in this place, not be spoken anywhere else.

To put it bluntly, I'm getting sick of this place.

Now hold on, I'm not saying this place is crap. I'm saying that the longer I linger in this forum, the more excruciating it is trying to put up a facade. The day I became a mod, I had little to no clue about any desire to be of any help. I just loved the people talking and I wanted to pass the time on those lonely nights I had to endure half the time trying to get my degree in nightschool. But as I got into it, I started having this sense of purpose. Happiness. Helping people out was awesome, and I was here to stay because of that. I've met so many colorful characters and I've seen you guys grow into mods and I'm just going to miss that.

But it's weird. This place is like...a snowglobe of eternal delights. It is certainly a different and enriching place than it used to be (or so I'm told by Exile and Arch who have probably been here longer). But it's never been anything else. Nothing changes and there is nothing to look forward to at least for me. It was always going to ever be something that I never really got into. What I got into instead is the love of helping people out. I revel in the fact that I've probably spent more time in this place modding than not modding. How crazy is that? But recently, the spark just isn't there anymore. I don't know why but I guess it comes with being a being of authority over a long period of time. You make enemies. You make a reputation. Suddenly, it's not about what you do anymore but who you are.

off-topic (Click to Show)

You know it's funny when the first moment I stepped down, Jutsu went at my face and called me a Narcissist and implied I was fired instead, despite the fact that he basically sucked my dick when I had the colors. Btw, you should really watch that guy...it's not just me anymore. He's going back to doing that "I will argue with you until I'm right" bullshit. He just did it recently with Veir on the LoL thread (check it out if you have time). I had to tell Veir to just basically admit Jutsu was "right" so there wouldn't be any further infighting. What is that guy's problem anyway? And let's not forget that big bawwwww post about cutting himself after Captain Cook and Miracle (I think) called him on his bullshit about attempting to act pretentious by posting big words, JUST so people could feel sorry for him? The taste in my mouth degenerated after Firefly defended his ass.

I'm just stating sample cases on his behavior. Make of them what you will.

The reason why I didn't want the grey is because in the greater scheme of things, nobody's going to remember what I did. And I don't mean that in the egotistical sense, but that we should be glad that we are able to help people on a global capacity instead of being glad we have the right to. If everyone acted in accordance to the rules there'd be no need for mods. There'd be no need for people to say I was ever anything special. Honestly, I'm just glad I've done my job for the most of it. I don't claim to be the most perfect mod but I always thought everything I did was towards some right or good that I always equally justified. Also, wearing the grey just feels like I'm a has-been, that my time is done and I should be remembered for it. I want to be a Regular User more than I want to be an old and venerated one. It's a style choice of perspective.

Finally, it's not a coincidence that I decided to step-down because my IRL job is going to change. Now that nightschool is over, I'm looking for greener pastures beyond this cubicle soon, and I'm afraid my time here will be significantly cut short. I saved this bit for last because I just didn't want this reason to be the definite true one (despite the harsh reality that it is) because I owe it to the lot of you to know that I am not just giving the title up because this place was nothing but a mere pastime. It was. But it was a special pastime. Unfortunately my time here grows short, and I know it looks like it's not because I'm still doing lots of things in this place, but that's just for the sake of complacency. Besides, I don't wish to say goodbye, rather I'd just leave like I was going to get some sugar from some neighbor miles away.

I'm going to miss this cave. A part of me thinks I should come back someday, but I just can't think about it now. I wish it was like this forever too, but things change (except this place, anyway). I'm going to miss u mods, all of which I've known even before they became one. And I'm going to miss my old self and the time spent abating the darkness against this place. I hope I can find that high again someday wherever I'll be.

See ya.