I actually have to write two, one stating what happened during my discharge, and another for why i want back in. This is what i've got for the first one so far. Ill post the second later when i get to it. Opinions? Things i should add, take out? Anything that might due more harm then good?

1st

My name is Matthew Rud, and I was discharged from the US Air Force on March 27th 2007, because of Asthma. I made it to week 4 of BMT, with no problems other than the standard stresses of Basic Training.

During the fourth week, I was sent to the 319th Medhold Squadron, after my Training Instructor overheard a conversation about presumed childhood Asthma. Keep in mind I was never diagnosed or treated for it as a child, my parents just suspected it. While in the 319th I was given and failed an Asthma test. Four weeks later, while being processed out, I was offered a waiver to return to training. Due to spending the last month in the 319th Medhold Squadron, which drained any ambition or motivation I previously had, I declined the waiver. By the time of out-processing, most of us just wanted to go back home. This was a mistake I've regretted every day for the last five years, four of which have been spent attempting to enlist in one military branch or another.

2nd

I would like to re-enlist in the Air Force for a few reasons, none of which are for any kind of monetary or insurance gain or job security. I'm in perfect health, and I have a job, I dont need to enlist to stay afloat. The most important motivation for joining is my desire to serve this country. I believe it's something that others will look up to, and something that I can be proud of. I've even thought about going to school for Law Enforcement, in the hopes of still being able to serve in some way if I don't make it back in. The military has also played a large part in my family history. Numerous people from every generation has served in some branch, in almost every conflict we've been involved in. Our military history is something I would like to be a part of, and pass down to our future generations. I've learned alot about how the military works, including Special Operations, as I intend to switch to the Army to become a Ranger after a my first Air Force term or two. My previous MOS in the Air Force would have also been SpecOps. I believe knowing how other segments of the military work would be a valuable asset in any branch.

"everyday" is an adjective. You're looking for "every day".

Fixed. Im mostly concerned about things that are in there that dont need to or shouldnt be, or other info that i should add in. Different direction to take it, etc.

EDIT: Also, i put up the 2nd statement. Just rough drafts for now. Gunna re-write them before i bring them out tomorrow.

Bomb the boats, save the wales, serve your country by killings the racials.

I was told in writing essays not to avoid using too much contractions such as I'm and don't. I guess it makes the piece sound more professional.

Extend on why you regretted your mistake.

Explain who from you family history has been involved briefly.

You might want to say or elaborate on what you have achieved in the military that makes you suitable for the job and think of any other supporting credentials.

Quote from Envoy

I was told in writing essays not to avoid using too much contractions such as I'm and don't. I guess it makes the piece sound more professional.

Extend on why you regretted your mistake.

Explain who from you family history has been involved briefly.

You might want to say or elaborate on what you have achieved in the military that makes you suitable for the job and think of any other supporting credentials.

Its not really an essay, i think they're just supposed to be two brief statements. The 2nd one isnt supposed to be about why i would be a good candidate for re-enlistment, they want to know why i want back in.

"a lot" is two words.

"to become a Ranger after a my first Air Force term or two" - probably take the "a" out.

"Numerous people from every generation has served in some branch" - "has" should be "have"

Explain why you would be proud and why it means so much to you to serve your country, on top of what Envoy said about giving examples of your family history. Probably wouldn't hurt to get "proof" that you're in perfect health. Perhaps a doctor recommendation that you're fit for duty.

Other than it seems good. You sound like you really want back in, and you have contingency plans if it doesn't work out. Good luck :)

Quote from Ashlander

Its not really an essay, i think they're just supposed to be two brief statements. The 2nd one isnt supposed to be about why i would be a good candidate for re-enlistment, they want to know why i want back in.

I see. I guess that's fine.

I don't really know what we're supposed to be looking for, but your overall writing style sounds horribly forced.

Quote from Exilement

I don't really know what we're supposed to be looking for, but your overall writing style sounds horribly forced.

How so?

Dude join the Navy brah and well party like KINGS. 8)

I would probably have the same problem with the Navy as i was having with the Army. Besides, Navy doesnt have any MOS's i would be intrested in.

Join the Marines. Bitches love Marines.

Quote from OramaC

Join the Marines. Bitches love Marines.

Thats next if this thing with the Air Force doesnt work, or i still dont hear back from the Army.

Quote from Ashlander

How so?

It just has that wordy, over-the-top tone that middle schoolers use in essays to make them longer than they need to be.