Junmax (bladed fire) V.S Jackel, Hyde, and Peace (kingkickass2013)

Started by: kingkickass2013 | Replies: 20 | Views: 1,593

kingkickass2013

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Feb 19, 2013 6:05 AM #888768
3rd times the charm when it comes to making this battle?

kingkickass's part (Click to Show)



bladed fire's part (Click to Show)
Azxc
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Feb 19, 2013 8:44 AM #888847
BladedFire's one is slightly longer than kingkickass one
Also the fighting scenes are more detailed in BladedFire's one
So I voted him

P.S. are you guys redoing the poll...?
kingkickass2013

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Feb 19, 2013 10:18 PM #889561
All I gotta say is I hope for a rematch someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.
Bladed Fire
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Feb 20, 2013 12:00 PM #890152
Ok, a rematch. Lol, I like wRHG battles. Type something a bit more and a lot of votes come. Kingkickass, remember to add description to all the things and remember to make it interesting about the battle.
Crank
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Feb 20, 2013 9:03 PM #890596
This is just a general thing to both of you, but as far as plot and dialogue (hate that I need a dictionary to spell that word) go, you're both really unrealistic. Taking into account the abilities too.

Here's the thing, while some people can pull off that sort of thing, most of us can't. You've got to be mildly realistic if you want your readers to connect with your characters, and to do that, they actually need to be relatable. Something that I personally do when I write, is I plug myself into the characters a few degrees.

Additionally, don't rush your endings, give your readers a resolution that'll stick with them. I'm not saying that they can't be friends at the end, but try to keep a natural pace. If someone slices me open or sets me on fire, I for one wouldn't be their biggest fan for quite some time. You may want to consider starting with something smaller that just suddenly full blown friends.



"Contains spoilers, and kinda what I'm talking about" (Click to Show)
Bladed Fire
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Feb 21, 2013 11:59 AM #891092
Lol Crankuba, your critics is not detailed ... what about me? It's not just that small critics only right?
Crank
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Feb 21, 2013 9:14 PM #891641
Heh, wow man, I see how it is! That advice was actually for both of you, I just used kingkickass' ending as my example!

As far as the way I CnC goes though, I believe in a funnel approach. If you're new to writing, I'll give you some pointers just so you know what you're doing, but as you get better, I'll get more specific. That, in turn, would make the CnC longer. Additionally, my style of doing it is mostly full of examples.

As far as where these are at now though, I think realism should be your primary concern. Things with a natural flow are easier to follow, and you don't constantly question motives as you read them. Right now, it's making the window to your imagination a little dirty. Clean it up, and we can go from there! I'm not going to overload you with a bunch of things at once, just one big idea at a time works better.

As far as your "what about me" goes, did you want me to do the same thing with part of your story?
Bladed Fire
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Feb 22, 2013 1:25 AM #891833
Hmm... I think now I know what you're talking about...Ok, no need for the same thing to my story XD Anyways, thanks for your CnC
SpeerMintty
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Feb 22, 2013 1:31 AM #891847
Dude... Crank is from FA... you doubt his critics, he doubts your existence as a capable human being... Or is that me...? Oh well :D but seriously, Crank's critique is usually spot on from what I've seen...
kingkickass2013

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Feb 22, 2013 5:01 AM #892001
all of this guys critism is right, i have increased my writing skill and also i am currently working on a couple more weaknesses to the team since hewitt complained, im currently in a competition free tag team battle between hewitt and lobotomizer vs me and guitarii (its for the hell of it, of course theirs is gonna be better), the catch is both of our stories must connect in some way (like we are both fighting in the same city or at some point in time we meet eachother but end up not doing anything so the other person's story can go on as if the people didnt notice a thing)
Bladed Fire
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Feb 22, 2013 2:58 PM #892372
Good, remember to caps lock for typing words...
kingkickass2013

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Feb 22, 2013 8:14 PM #892600
dont worry, i only write somewhat sloppy when replying to a thread, but my real writing skills are shown when actually writing the story (this one was rushed, i did it in 8 minutes)
Bladed Fire
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Feb 23, 2013 1:29 PM #893603
Hey kingkickass, try to make your.comment formal, and I also did it in just like 15 minutes...???
_Ai_
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Feb 23, 2013 1:32 PM #893604
Bro, do you even shift?
Azure
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Feb 23, 2013 3:30 PM #893716
What I'll do instead of discussing my thoughts on each piece... (Click to Show)


But seriously, you're straying from the topic.