Equinox

Abilliites

-Formidable swordsmen
-Blind furry(A array of 124 sword slashes, After this combo is complet all of of Equinoxs energy is drained, this move is used as a final resort.)
- Tandoori(Fighting style of the monks)
-Wing Chun(fighting style of the Women)
-Cross of the holy monks ( Equinox is religious, he uses the divine power of god, to grant him forsite( A move that grants him the ability to Sense heat)

Weakness
Due to the fact of being blind,enemies think his weakness is The lack of sight(Not really his weakness) his weakness is emotion. If the reference to the incident that occurred to him as a child will send him into a pitch anger and he can lose control of his fighting style making him very reckless.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

Story:

(this occurs 100 years after my old RHG, Zemtell)

Equinox(Real name "Quincy Arthur Corwell") was a young boy of a village far in the mountain tops. As a child he had a dream to be the best fighter there is, He would train constantly in the negative degree weather under the instruction of his father "Arthur", who was a Priest of the village, After years of training in several forms of Martial Arts and sword play he became stronger. On his 10th birthday he was awarded the title of blind fury, His eyes were finally enlightened to the world, not knowing it will be his final time that he is able to set his sight on the dreams he wanted. that night a group of bandits pillaged the village, killing everyone.

In the process of the raid, Quincy's father was decapitated in front of him. The Bandit that killed him looked a Quincy with a heavy heart, so instead of killing the 10 year old child, the bandit slashed out his eyes, as Quincy Fell to the ground screaming in pain as the bandit dropped a white headband in Quincy's hand.

A few days later a old couple came by the village and found the dead bodies of the villagers, holding there noses as they braved the rotten stench of blood a severed body parts, as they were about to leave, they heard a moan coming from behind them. It was Quincy trying to mumble "Help me", The old couple quickly rushed to Quincy's side,They saw that his eyes were slashed out and he had a headband in his right hand, and a cross in the other. the old couple took the headband and cloaked his eyes as they took him out of the village to there home

Quincy awoke a few hours later in deep and throbbing pain, the blood had seeped through the headband dyeing its rich white color to a dark red. The old couple explained what happened and were he was at. Quincy felt his face revealing that it was blind, the world around him came crashing into the bellows of his mind.He tried to cry but whats the point with no eyes to cry them out from?

The old couple raised Quincy from there on until he had the ability to live on his own, Everyday he trained harder and harder. He learned to See without his eyes, even though being blind, it did not set him back. at the age of 18 he left the old couple and went in search of the bandits who caused the great pain he fells today. In his journey he met many people, all belonging to a fighting rank called wRHG. He later wanted to join this group so he can make a new companion on his journey.


Personality


Due to his experience when he was ten, his emotions are broken, he cannot feel love, he cannot have true happiness until his dream is achieved. But there will be times were he can be Very cocky,

Appearance
His jet black-Burnett hair hangs over his White headband that covered his eyes,His tan skin show that he is constantly in the sun, training day after day.His Brown shawl covers the entire neck- chest region of his body, He wears a belt sash that holds his sword that bears the legend-blind fury. The brown shawl covers him with a Highlands to orange that is at the bottom of his shawl the shawl is only worn when in travel, no matter the weather. A cross hangs from his neck as it blows gently in the wind. His skinny body allows him to move gracefully in the wind.

Demo

" As Equinox sits on the grassy plain. He senses something that is out of order. A man wearing all black comes from behind equinox and takes hold of him and hold a sword to his neck."Lucky me! i get the blind one!"said the man as he grind. "Tell me Kid how any finger am i holding up?"asked the man? Equinox stood silent as he breathed in a relaxing manor. Equinox quickly Pushed the sword away from his neck, grabbing the man and tossing him like a Frisbee, Equinox Ran to the man, taking him by the head.
"You think because i can't see that you can overtake me? well the answer is no!"said Equinox. Equinox quickly threw threw the man high in the air sending flying into the heavens. Equinox stood with his sword ready he grabbed the Hilt of the sword.

"BATTER UP!"said Equinox as the man fell back down to earth. Equinox took the back of sword and swung it at the mans head sending him flying in the other direction, He quickly followed the man catching him and kicking him down to the grass, Equinox held his sword to the mans Neck."Pray to god we never cross paths again"said Equinox as he Sheathed his sword and walked to his gear. He picked up his stuff and left. As he walked away he turned back around as he saw the man barley able to get up..... the end

Battles

none

Points
0/0
Unavailable

I see you have some problems with grammar. Shall I assist?

Its my Keyboard its very Stupid, It would be great if you can tell me the mistakes so i can fix them.:D

Pretty cool wRHG :) If there's any need of assistance as far as grammar or just revising, let us know :)
I like his monk status, haha

I am seeing a lot of lol references these days and I don't even know why :9
Grammar... pfft! I am not good at it either anyways, and keyboards with issues are always pain in the ass >:/
Cool wRHG! I love your character, and I look forward to your battles!

Quote from Equinox

Its my Keyboard its very Stupid, It would be great if you can tell me the mistakes so i can fix them.:D

Sorry for off topic, but this is for game. I KAMIKAZE EQUINOX!

My main concern at the moment is the lack of description for the abilities. I'd CnC him better, but I lack time at the moment. I'll be back later to give a better show of my view of him.

In his appearance, you put that his skin is tan from training day after day, yet he always wears a shawl and-or robe?

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On your demo:
-When it says "Equinox took the hilt of the sword and swung it at the mans head sending him flying in the other direction" it doesn't really make sense. If he hit the man with handle, his hands would be cut. If he hit him with the blade, then it would cut the man. If you said something more along the lines of "Equinox, quickly grabbing the hilt of his sword, swung the flat part of the blade, making contact with the man's head. The force of the hit sent the man flying in the opposite direction..."
(Mine is not the best example though, haha)

-Work on spacing when using dialogue! Don't put a sentence said by a character in between paragraphs. It seems rushed and sloppy.

-Keep it in preferred tense. You switched between past and present tense, using words like "sits" and senses" when later words are used in past tense, like "fell" instead of "falls" and "followed" instead of "following". It's just proper grammar techniques, even if they are hard to use.

-PUNCTUATION SAYS IT ALL. You had some dialogue sentences that didn't even have punctuation. Without proper punctuation, it's harder to express emotion.
EXAMPLE: "Tyler was happy with his new puppy." Period = Bland and regular sentence
"Tyler was happy with his new puppy!" Exclamation point = Shows emotion (Interjections)

-One more vital key. DESCRIPTION - It helps the reader visualize what they are reading, instead of just words, give a mind, body, and soul to them to make them come alive in the reader's brain.

-And as Shaq said before, there needs to be more description on his attacks.

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Well Its fixed up a bit i don't have much to find all mistakes, If there are anymore please inform me.