Hey there,
After a harsh day at work I decided that instead of playing games or animating, I would write a story. It's no way near complete, in fact the characters are just being introduced but I have a plan for its future. I was curious to see what you guys thought of it, I am very new to writing and my grammar is horrible. I also wrote it all in notepad.

NOTES:
Werewolf Cafe is a light humored story about a man who finds himself working in an old cafe in Freemantle(a suburb of Perth, Australia). As the story progresses, he finds that the cafe's visitors are peculiar, due to the fact that they are in fact werewolves! The cafe turns out to be a safe haven for the wolves, where they can hang out, buy drinks, and eat uncooked meals of mainly meat. Suddenly, the man has found himself in a very serious situation.

WARNING: This story DOES have brief references to drug use and sex. If you feel uncomfortable with these subjects, you should probably stop here. If you believe that the stories actual content may be inappropriate for the site, please notify me and I'll remove it.

Werewolf Cafe
Ruben Davis

Charles O'Reily knew two things:
One, that he was completely off his head and two, that he had a job interview in exactly three and a half minutes.
Charles had got the job from a friend of a mate whose brother owned a cafe in Freemantle, the place had sounded totally relaxed, and was basically walking distance from where Charles lived, and with a name like 'Werewolf Cafe' who wouldn't want to work there?

He arrived at the cafe forty-two minutes late, red faced and out of breath, the slight smell of a half finished joint hung on his breath and he looked around the place for the first time. It had taken him longer then he had expected to find the cafe, mostly because 'Werewolf Cafe' wasn't actually its name, 'Artichoke' had once been an old backpackers depot, but had closed down due to some issues with the council. The walls were a darkish stained cream, littered with posters upcoming events that had happened three years ago, which was kind of strange seeing as the cafe was only a year or so old. The floor was mostly nice, old jarrah boards had been restored in a particular fashion that had left some stained and others bare. The lovely smell of freshly grinded yesterdays coffee beans hung to the air, covering up much of Charles' own burnt weed scent. Some weird indie music played in the background, Charles knew that the speakers where probably the most expensive gear in the shop, and that the building would actually make a pretty cool dance bar.

"Can I help you?" asked a bored but slightly amused voice, snapping Charles from his dazed observations of the place. He looked up to voice's owner, a chick with shoulder length dyed red hair stared back at him, a quizzical expression on her face. She wore a loose black singlet and skinny jeans with the classic rips around the knee.
"I'm looking for the manager, about a job here?" Replied Charles after a while, satisfied that the job would be good because the girl was hot.
She looked at him with half interested humor, wondering exactly how high he was.
"Alright then, just through that door and to the left". She replied, pointing the direction of a makeshift rainbow coloured cloth door behind the counter.
"Oh, cool" Charles semi mumbled, walking towards the tie-dye door wondering if he should ask her out now, or later. And whether or not he had the courage to do so.

The room was simple, two unmatching couches sat sagging sadly in the center of the room, between them was a small 50's style table, covered in old newspapers with all the faces drawn on with an old biro pen that was lying precariously on the edge of the surface. A balding man with a reasonable sized nose was lying slouched across the farther couch, reading 'Rotica', which from afar either seemed to be some sort or perverted porn magazine, or the latest issue of Rottweilers Health, while playing with a bit of fluff that had made its way into the crevice of his bellybutton.
"Take a seat, mate" he said, motioning to the other couch without taking his eyes from the magazine. Charles did so, and after a good ten minutes of trying to determine the intent of the magazine, the man finally spoke.
"So what's your deal mate? Getting here nearly an hour late, not on, I'm telling you now that we run a tight shift at the Artichoke." he said, flicking the piece of belly fluff accurately into the small designated bin that lay in the corner of the room.
"Sorry, I had some trouble finding my way here, I thought it had a different name, 'Werewolf Cafe' or something like that". Stammered Charles, totally taken aback by the sudden breach of silence, and at what the man had just said.
"Yeah, we don't actually use that name, it's just what the customers call it. My names George, by the way. And as you might have guessed I'm the manager here." He said, pointing at a small discarded badge clearly spelling 'MANAGER'............

So that's all I have for now. I've spent around an hour writing it, and I'm totally up for CnC and stuff.

First and foremost is that you don't have bad grammar, and actually write quite well! You do a great job describing your characters and settings, but there were a few things that sounded a little awkward.

Replied Charles after a while, satisfied that the job would be good because the girl was hot.

Maybe I'm just in a spot that I can apply this personally, but good looking people don't exactly make a job good. It'd be a perk, but your job can still suck. An 'if' 'at least' kinda thing would make more sense here, in my opinion.

Replied Charles after a while, satisfied that even if the job sucked, he'd still have a hot coworker.

Also, if he was so attracted to her and nervous about it, I wouldn't've minded seeing references to it affecting him physically.

She looked at him with half interested humor, wondering exactly how high he was as he wiped the sweat from his palms to his pant-leg.

Just that kind of thing to really show if he's really that interested or not.

One last thing, and this was basically the first thing I saw. The most important parts of your story are the intro, because that's what determines whether or not it gets read, and the ending because that decides if it stays with the reader. I liked the very beginning, but you gave me a weak line way too early.

Charles had got the job from a friend of a mate whose brother owned a cafe in Freemantle, the place had sounded totally relaxed, and was basically walking distance from where Charles lived, and with a name like 'Werewolf Cafe' who wouldn't want to work there?

Right before this, you gave a strong sense of urgency. He has three and a half minutes to get to a job interview. That's next to no time, and guts his chances of getting there early. After the sentence, you implied that he busted his butt trying to get there, by showing how exhausted he was. In the middle, it was just way too relaxed, slow paced to fit in. It needs to share the urgency of the situation, or if the narrator isn't overly concerned, you'd need to show that instead.

Not even bothering to tie his shoe laces as he exploded from out of the front door, Charles wasn't about to blow the chance he was given from the friend of a mate. 'Werewolf Cafe' was practically withing walking distance of his house, so as his feet raced down the sidewalk he doubted he'd get there late, and even if he did, the place sounded relaxed enough for it not to be too big of a deal.

Get what I'm saying?

Anyway, again, this was a really good story and I'm looking forward to seeing what else you have in store!

Thanks for your input Crankuba, I get what you mean and agree, I'll definitely work on what you said. Thanks again.