Quote from Bladed Fire

Lol. It's rare for me to vote a battle actually XD But Lethal you've improved so much, it's just not like the previous you. Anyways why Triss did your story is so attractive or something!

I don't know what do you mean.
But still, you're a loyal friend to choose me XP
Anyway, good luck with your battle.

Yeah. now, vote for the battle which involves THEFORCE first.

Quote from Triss

After a while, I realized this isn't a battle of writings.
This is the battle for "Which one have the most loyal friends" battle.

You are so mistaken.

It's like saying if I vote Triss, I'm not a friend to Lethal. Vice versa. In reality I'm just choosing the better writer.

With your statement, I'm going to abstain.

Quote from _Aiman_

You are so mistaken.

It's like saying if I vote Triss, I'm not a friend to Lethal. Vice versa. In reality I'm just choosing the better writer.

With your statement, I'm going to abstain.

You're correct, and I hate the fact about that.
Just choose what do you want.

Quote from Lethal2

Dafuq.

Well that escalated quickly.

Putting dialogues in spoilers. I don't like it.

WTF? Who is Drake the Dragon?
Why do people from RHGs coming to wRHGs?
And why now?

Quote from Hewitt

Guys stop talking about voting based on preference. At least comment on the story and say WHY it's better instead of circlejerking each other on who's improved and who's better because they are. CNC-ing on fights in a story...whether helpful or not is a good indicator that whoever voted for you, did so because they actually found it better, and not because they're your brother or friend or some shit.

I find it retarded that whoever battles Lethal will instantly get a -1 against you just because a speechless sibling can't be bothered to read a couple of words and make an actual judgement. It is as retarded as a pissing contest of popularity, that determines a result we are already aware of. There is no rule against this but it is frowned upon and seen as bad form. Count your points and your blessings. But those mean nothing when you're talking about skill or the improvement thereof.

Hew I think this deserves to be a rant of quality, where people favour reputation rather CnCing their work.
You opened my eyes Hew, thanks for your revelation.

Guys, I appreciated votes you given upon me and Lethal2, as both battles are important to us.
But what we need isn't votes, is improvement that matters.
We strived as humans to become better each day.

So please, CnC our work. I would rather have a good CnC than a vote for me.

Triss - I notice a few grammar mistakes in the story, but I don't think it's really important. Nice plot, I like how you came up with the um, treasure thingy. But what I don't like is the fact that Zeus is dead. I prefer in Lethal's story where it is unknown what happened to him. It arise questions from the reader. Dunno, probably just me.

Lethal2 - Never seen multiple characters in one story. Not really that bad, actually. And as I mentioned before, I don't like dialogues placed in spoilers. Another reason I didn't vote for you because you made Arvine attack them because of mistaking them as a Forsaken, same as Azxc. I like how Triss can come up with another idea that doesn't involve Forsakens.

So uh, yeah. That's all I can say.

Quote from Avalon

Triss - I notice a few grammar mistakes in the story, but I don't think it's really important. Nice plot, I like how you came up with the um, treasure thingy. But what I don't like is the fact that Zeus is dead. I prefer in Lethal's story where it is unknown what happened to him. It arise questions from the reader. Dunno, probably just me.

Lethal2 - Never seen multiple characters in one story. Not really that bad, actually. And as I mentioned before, I don't like dialogues placed in spoilers. Another reason I didn't vote for you because you made Arvine attack them because of mistaking them as a Forsaken, same as Azxc. I like how Triss can come up with another idea that doesn't involve Forsakens.

So uh, yeah. That's all I can say.

Thank you for your CnC, it was greatly appreciated.
Also Zeus might've not dead, I just said he fall down to the abyss.
He could've survived the fall.

Zeus's armor takes in ALL the attacks, so he can fall off the empire state building and as long as he lands on his feet he will survive. If he lands anywhere else he's a goner since his neck will break.

Avalon, Zeus is dead, theirs no avoiding it. Unless your character is a necromancer or great healer he ain't coming back.

Y'all already have 12 votes, WTF why were all of my fights like a freaking ghost town.

Wait... Who's Blake??

EDIT: NEVERMIND! It's SpeerMintty's gladiator, alright. No Stitches...?

Anyway:

1. (BOTH)
Both of you need to keep in mind of something very important. TENSES
I saw a lot of these mistakes in both of yours.
"Mighty rumbles was heard, a continous sound of knocking was heard, when suddenly..." (Triss)
"Mighty rumbles were heard along with the continuous sound of knocking, when suddenly..." Sounds much better and grammatically correct

"Zeus drived through the road and they're about 950 miles until they reach the campsite they had promised each other." (Lethal2)
"With Zeus driving along the road, they were about 950 miles away from the before-decided campsite." This sentence was kind of hard to fix, but the points still stands.

2. (LETHAL2)
Work on comma placement and get away from run-on sentences and comma splices. Just because you're young doesn't mean you can't handle it, we've all seen your work. Anyway: Avoid the overuse of commas in sentences.

"Raf stood up to check out his calendar, it was November though, but he don't know what day is it until he reached the front calendar, he noticed that it was November 29, and he also noticed that Christmas is on the way, and it seems like Raf is really excited for it, is he?"
"Raf stood up to check out his calendar. It was November but he had no idea what day is was until he actually checked. Today was the 29th, and he noticed that Christmas was coming up. It seemed like Raf was getting pretty excited about the approaching holiday." Should be something more like this. Space up your sentences but don't overload it with commas.

3. (LETHAL)
How bloods do you have? Because I only have one, thank you very much. Blood is both singular and plural (though it refers more to plural seeing you can't just have one blood). You seem to have a problem with adding an extra "s" to areas that don't need it. Try looking for this when revising, and it will make sentences sound so much better for the audience.

4. (TRISS)
Some sentences actually REQUIRE commas.
"Before Arvine could react the men below the window grab him and and knock his head with a club."
"Before Arvine could react, the men below the window grab him and knock his head with a club." There are several other instances in your work that show you need a little help with inserting comma's. Like I said for Lethal, look for those mistakes when revising.

5. (TRISS)
In some sentences you seem to be lacking a word or two.
"Well then Zeus, you seemed to [be] up to something."
"It was in the afternoon, and the sun [was] *almost going down.*"

*Replace with: "...beginning to set."

So there ya have it, my CnC.

Quote from Hewitt

Guys stop talking about voting based on preference. At least comment on the story and say WHY it's better instead of circlejerking each other on who's improved and who's better because they are. CNC-ing on fights in a story...whether helpful or not is a good indicator that whoever voted for you, did so because they actually found it better, and not because they're your brother or friend or some shit.

I find it retarded that whoever battles Lethal will instantly get a -1 against you just because a speechless sibling can't be bothered to read a couple of words and make an actual judgement. It is as retarded as a pissing contest of popularity, that determines a result we are already aware of. There is no rule against this but it is frowned upon and seen as bad form. Count your points and your blessings. But those mean nothing when you're talking about skill or the improvement thereof.

IS THIS WHY I HAVE SO MANY LOSSES! IF THIS IS THE REASON THEN YOU SIR HAVE OPENED MY EYES TO SEE A BUNCH OF JACKASSES. (Raging because this made me realize something)

Hey I've been doing some research, I noticed that EVERY person I fought has been here longer than I have and is well known around these parts. Triss the only reason we got a tie is because you said you rushed it and didn't believe in your story. If you had said you had full trust in your story and say you spent hours on it then you may have won.

Okay, its just that. Your statement on voting got me thinking about my losses, so I went and did some research on all of my battles and noticed one thing alike, EVERYBODY was well known around here AND has been here longer. This makes me think *Kings thought bubble, What if they won because they were well known? WHAT IF THEIR IS SOME FOUL PLAY ON THE FIELD?*

I will stop posting my own complaints here and get back on topic.

ON TOPIC: Lethal2 I noticed something in your story that's been bugging me, this line in specifics: Rafael himself summoned his mighty scythe and inserted almost 50% of his energy which consumed his powers a lot.

You could of said something like: Rafael saw the threat was in sight, he quickly summoned his scythe. In a burst of black smoke the scythe appeared, Rafael's hands glowed brightly with his veins surging as though they were filled with electricity. In moments the scythe soon began sparking. However Rafael felt weary after doing so and noticed his eyelids were getting heavier.

See what I did there (higher powers in writing, please do make this sentence better), I added on to the sentence effects while at the same showing that he was charging the power and I still mentioned him feeling worn out afterwards.

Triss soon I will find something to CNC about your story.

Quote from Hewitt

Oh dear god, please don't make a thread and rant about it like some other person I know.

Or face the consequences of your actions.

I'm high and raging hormones at that time.
Little mistake happens.

BTW, ChamelNeon.
That's one, sexy-ass comment.

Voting Triss. His vocab is superior, I like his choice of words.