Quote from Schwa

I'm sorry to inform you of this, but 'The Pirate', creator and overlord of this thread, has been killed by a ninja.

Me, he'll be back. He always is. He's worse than Jack Sparrow.

Hey guys, really sorry about dying and everything.


Sadly I have an announcement to make though. Due to a whole bunch of "real life" related complications, mostly the fact that I have a job now (and that it's summer, and of course, during summer, socially adept individuals like myself are CONSTANTLY going to massive highly exclusive parties for cool kids, and having sex with our hot girlfriends etc), I have very very little time for internetting, and will probably not be on the site frequently for the next couple months.

Fear not, for this is not a lame goodbye kind of thing where I leave for good in a blaze of glorious attention whoring and then come back with a new account weeks later. I shall still lurk and post on occasion.

But of course, what I'm trying to get to is that I probably wont be able to continue the choose your own adventure story.


HOWEVER


To avoid disappointing all of you who have followed this engaging story, putting up with my half assed updates and crude drawings because you wanted to know the fate of your beloved unnamed protagonist, I present for your reading pleasure, the second to last update...







Our brave protagonist makes his flight for freedom, up the ramp of the underground parking garage, and finally out of the hellish ice cream factory building.


Driving at EXCESSIVELY HIGH SPEEDS he crashes through the imposing fence that surrounds the compound, and heads towards an AWESOME RADICAL RAMP!



Will he survive the jump, or will he end up like so many hot wheels cars, tumbling down onto the carpet upside down so that some cruel sick young child can pick it up once more to cause some further abuse to it...








The sinister blob of ice cream turns from whatever sinister things it was doing, and spots our hero, a lone silhouette against the blinding light of the crudely drawn sun. An amateurish looking lens flare appears to enhance this already epic looking scene...



In an excitingly choreographed stunt with astronomically high production value our hero leaps from the cart moments before it crashes into the pavement, performing a graceful acrobatic flip and narrowly avoiding a cliche energy blast thing fired from the blob that apparently has the ability to fire off cliche energy blasts.











*exciting choreographed stunt work*











*high production values*











*slow motion effects set against dead silence broken only by a periodic heartbeat sound effect that echoes dramatically*















SUCCESS!!


Our protagonist lands in an INHUMANLY COOL LOOKING POSE, the climatic awesomeness of which is enhanced by the dramatic camera angle and another lens flare type thing from the distant badly drawn sun.


The final battle is at hand. How shall our hero do battle with this monstrosity?


DECIDE, ONE LAST TIME...






I'm not promising that this will be updated soon, expect another painfully long delay actually. But what I can promise is that the final battle will be amazingly climatic with exciting special effects and whatnot, providing a fitting conclusion to the story.

Throw the emergency hatch with INCREDIBLE VELOCITY towards the creature while SHOOTING MERCILESSLY at the metal, heating it to REMARKABLY HIGH temperatures, so it passes into the center of the creature with ease. While it is still incredibly hot, use your UNDENIABLE SUPERPOWER to heat the hatch, causing it to QUESTIONABLY EXPLODE, thus destroying the creature.

Or something of the sorts.

Quote from Real

Throw the emergency hatch with INCREDIBLE VELOCITY towards the creature while SHOOTING MERCILESSLY at the metal, heating it to REMARKABLY HIGH temperatures, so it passes into the center of the creature with ease. While it is still incredibly hot, use your UNDENIABLE SUPERPOWER to heat the hatch, causing it to QUESTIONABLY EXPLODE, thus destroying the creature.

Or something of the sorts.

what he said .

Quote from Real

Throw the emergency hatch with INCREDIBLE VELOCITY towards the creature while SHOOTING MERCILESSLY at the metal, heating it to REMARKABLY HIGH temperatures, so it passes into the center of the creature with ease. While it is still incredibly hot, use your UNDENIABLE SUPERPOWER to heat the hatch, causing it to QUESTIONABLY EXPLODE, thus destroying the creature.

Or something of the sorts.

this .

Quote from Flashman12

this .

How about you douche bags come up with your own creative suggestions this time instead of bandwagoning and posting "this" when you see a remotely cool looking idea.

It's the final update, lets do this one right you wankers.

fine.
do a slow-mo matrix move, whal diving into the ice cream monster, then set fire to the insides, as you burn your inventory and laugh hysterically. it may be the end of you, but at least you went out with a bang.

Quote from The Pirate

wank.

This .

Throw the "Emergancy maintenance cover" at the blob and chop it in half.


Or kick it's face, with bone shattering pressure.

Quote from grubber

Or kick it's face, with bone shattering pressure.

awesome .

RUN.




THE FUCK.




AWAY.







Seriously, just fucking run away. But keep the hat and guns, 'cause they're awesome.

Quote from FBILOL

RUN.




THE FUCK.




AWAY.







Seriously, just fucking run away. But keep the hat and guns, 'cause they're awesome.

Second'd. OLOLOLOLOL

Using the spoon, escape hatch, and guns, fasion an amazing Macguyver-like bomb witht he poster disguise as a fuse, and toss it into the monster's mouth. Then light the fuse with your firey power shit.

This has to end cool in a catchy phrase.

Throw the manhole cover into his eye, then shoot the other eye with both of your guns. If that fails, crawl inside him. HE MUST BE DESTROYED FROM WITHIN! /meninblack

that was my ****ing idea!