Acel the Speed Demon vs Mccaw the Saint(VOTE HERE)

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The Organization
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Jun 28, 2013 1:56 AM #1021463
Image
Deadline: 06/27/2013
Location: Arena 223, wRHG park
Specifications:
500 word minimum, no maximum
Combatants:
Cecelia Q. Graves aka Acel
Mccaw "the saint" Rindar

The Organization
[spoiler=Acel vs. Mccaw]
OPERATION 01: Acel vs Mccaw Rindar
01: Rosa Diamante

“Let’s confirm the mission,” announced the operator, as Acel’s television stopped showing Mariana Pineda, and started to show statistics about her new opponent. The voice was female, but it wasn’t Kayla because she never had such an accent.

“A wRHG challenge was issued by Mr. Mccaw Rindar also known as the Saint.”

As the picture of the challenger appeared, Acel giggled. Her challenger look like a cross between a shaolin monk and a vagrant. Other than his bald head and scarred eye, the man had no outstanding characteristics.

“I’m fighting a Cyclops,” she thought.

“Any time you are issued a challenge through the wRHG system, Command will intercept it and alert you beforehand. However, due to wRHG regulations, you will not be allowed to have an operator during the match. The battle with Mr. Rindar has been scheduled for tomorrow at noon.”

Acel checked the date in the top right corner, wondering if this battle would conflict with her entry in the tournament. Luckily, it was the 19th and the tournament would be on the 21st, giving her just enough time to rest after the fight tomorrow.

“Despite this being an official wRHG challenge, you are under no obligation to the Organization to defeat the challenger. Your main objective will be to gain as much information on his abilities and fighting techniques as possible. Mccaw Rindar is a mystery to us, his records, even if they might exist, cannot be found online and we have no information on his previous battles. He seems to be a new competitor in the wRHG as well.” explained the Operator.

“However, successfully defeating Mr. Rindar will increase your rank in the wRHG system and attract stronger opponents as well,” she continued, “The battle will take place at Arena 223 in wRHG station; it’s a park with a small lake nearby, avoid civilian casualties at all costs. I don’t think I need to tell you this, but you will be representing the Organization so we need you to make a good first impression.”

“Is that all Operator?” asked Acel.

“From what little information we have gathered, Mccaw Rindar is skilled in both close quarters combat and marksmanship. Use the Aether shield to protect you from long range fire, and avoid engaging in direct combat. However, you have the speed advantage, so a hit-and-run tactic is viable option in this case. Also please avoid causing too much collateral damage,” she added.

“Excellent, thank you,” responded Acel.

“Those are your orders.” Said the new operator as she signed off, the television immediately returning to Acel’s favorite telenovela, paused exactly where she had left off. Mariana had just been knocked off the road by hitmen who had been hired by the same man who had killed her husband.

Acel un-paused the video, but she couldn’t enjoy the drama and action of Mariana Pineda like she usually could. Reality kept getting in the way of her fantasies.

“A fighter that the Organization doesn’t know about…He must cover his tracks really well,” she thought.

Before moving to Stickpage, the Organization was all that Acel really knew. She had no memory of her childhood, and the few years that she could remember before the Organization were dark places that she dared not venture. Acel was used to having a lot more information than this. As an agent, she simply had to follow orders and make quick decisions. Operators like Kayla, were there to provide useful real-time information, and a good laugh or two also. Ever since she had been promoted to Vicar, Acel could feel her bond to the Organization waning.

Since Vicars work outside of the Organization, similar to missionaries of the Church, they garnered a level of autonomy that Acel felt uncomfortable with. Her connection with the Organization was the only thing she had in life and without it, the loneliness would devour her.

Mariana knew how Acel felt, her husband had been murdered and she had sent her children away to protect them. She was alone too, but she was strong. Despite getting knocked off the road by crazy hitmen, she managed to swerve back onto the road and evade them afterward.

“Yo necessita estar fuerte,” whispered Acel to herself, reciting Mariana’s catchphrase.

02: Mad Men
The wRHG console stuck out like a big white sore thumb in the otherwise pristine park devoid of any other technology. The grass was a vibrant healthy shade of green and was trimmed better than Superior’s personal putting green. The lake was gorgeous and crystal clear, catching the rays of the Sun at its highest point in the sky and scattering them across its surface. Had Acel known how to swim, she would have hopped in a heartbeat.

Across from the lake was a densely wooded area, seemingly devoid of wildlife, but filled with strong and healthy green trees. In fact, the park, although very beautiful, was completely empty. The bird calls that Acel heard suggested that the park did have life, but it was as if the park was cleared out.

Then she realized, the park was obviously closed down for the wRHG battle.

“Such a shame that they’re using this park for this.” She remarked.

Acel took another glance at the lake, “Why did Rindar have to choose to fight here?” she complained.

Wandering the park, Acel could find no traces Mccaw. Despite possessing super-speed, Acel preferred to take in the scenery. Also the tunnel vision of her ability made it extremely easy for her to overlook obvious things, so it was not very useful.
Since the sun was high up in the sky, it was pretty hot outside. Luckily, Acel was used to hot weather and she didn't even break a sweat. However, an empty park can only be interesting for so long. In her boredom, she decided that she would wait for Mr. Rindar on the suspicious looking black bench and leave if he didn't show up in an hour. Acel had a tournament to attend, and she didn't have time for no shows.

As she sat down on the bench, something felt really wrong with it.

“Mind getting off of me?”

“Oh sure,” replied Acel with a smile.

“Wait, did that bench just talk to me?” thought Acel.

“Why does everyone here treat me like a bench,” complained the bench.

Acel was dumbfounded, not only did the bench talk with her, it also complained that people were sitting on top of it.

“Probably, because you look like one,” asserted Acel.

Suddenly, the bench split in two, the black part slowly sliding off the wooden bench underneath it. It was then that Acel realized that it was actually a man, a strange man who had seemed to meld together with the bench, but a man no less.

“I was just sleeping here…” he said as he turned around, his blue headband flailing in the wind.

Immediately, Acel notice the huge scar on the man’s closed eye.

She smiled, brimming from cheek to cheek.

“You’re Mccaw right? Mccaw Rindar."

“Who wants to know,” he asked suspiciously.

“Ummm, I’m Cecelia, your party escort,” she mocked.

“Oh, so you’re the one I’m supposed to fight huh?” he stammered.

Mccaw seemed to be still half-asleep, but Acel could sense an intensity in him that wouldn't allow her to put her guard down.

“Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Cecelia Q. Graves, Vicar 04 of the Organization, code-named Acel. Have you heard of the Organization before?” asked Acel sincerely.

“Nice to finally meet you Cecelia, and no I’m not interested in joining your religion,” he responded, “I’m only here for a fight.”

Acel was taken aback, she had no idea what this strange man was talking about.

“The Organization isn’t a religion, it’s an organization, and we don’t have to fight,” responded Acel.

All she had to do was gather combat data on the Rindar, and everything else was extraneous. Therefore, they didn't have to have a real fight and no one would get hurt.

“What do you mean we don’t have to fight? What are you trying to pull?” asked Mccaw angrily.

“Listen, I don’t care about the rankings, and I can tell you’re pretty strong. Why don’t we have a friendly spar instead?” suggested Acel.

“Ok ok, but what’s in it for me?” he responded cracking his fingers.

“I’ll forfeit our match so you win automatically and if you win our sparring match, I’ll buy you pizza. If I win, you just have to become my friend.”

“A free victory and a free pizza. Alright Cecelia, I’ll take you up on your offer.”

“It won’t be that easy pal,” thought Acel as she put on her visor.

03: Shaolin Showdown
“Whenever you’re ready,” said Mccaw as he started dropping his equipment, “Ladies first.”

“Don’t bother getting rid of your weapons, you won’t hit me with them anyway.”

“Oh really?”

Immediately, Acel was in range, her fist had already connected with Mccaw’s head and he was stumbling back.

“Yeah really!” she taunted.

Mccaw started to laugh, “I like you’re spirit. I thought you were all talk before, but that was a nice punch.”

Mccaw leapt forward, attempting to pounce on Acel, but she was way too fast for that.

“HA-“

A loud gunshot interrupted Acel’s remark. To her surprise, her Aether shield fizzed and crackled as it repaired itself.

“He predicted where I would end up? There’s no way he could have done that. This guy is definitely not normal,” Acel thought.

Continuing the onslaught, Acel rushed toward Mccaw directly who had braced for her attack. She banked to his left hopping slightly to hit him on the side of the head with her elbow, but it was a feint. Her afterimage disappeared and Acel roundhouse kicked Mccaw from his right. Adeptly, Mccaw ignored the feint catching Acel’s leg and wrapping his arm around her calves.

“How did you-“before she could finish her question, Mccaw slammed Acel into the ground. Luckily, she managed to catch herself with her hands.

“Take this!” she yelled.

Since, Mccaw was still holding on to her leg, Acel coiled up and used her super speed to jerk her legs forward. The resulting force lifted Mccaw of the ground and into the nearest tree.

Acel rushed in again, she had to keep the pressure up or Mccaw would find some way to neutralize her. He had already countered two of her attacks, even her old trainer Percy couldn't manage that. Worse yet, she couldn't sense any supernatural energy within him. He was keeping up with her through sheer willpower.

As the battle raged on, the two fighters exchanged blows although Acel got hit significantly less. Every time she went in to land a critical hit, Mccaw would bait her into an even more dangerous counter attack and force her to retreat. The two went back and forth like tennis, but neither one dropped the ball.

“Haven’t you had enough Cecelia?” asked Mccaw. He had a childish grin on his face, but it was clear the fight was going nowhere. He was getting tired and the fight was dragging on.

Acel had gathered a sufficient amount of data, but the warrior in her wanted to test her limits a bit.

“Let me try one more thing.” she called out.

Acel still had a couple more aces up her sleeve. Acel activated her hybrid form, her eyes changed from a crisp calm violet to an intense and powerful gold. The familiar warmth and pleasure from the power surging through her veins made her shake with excitement.

“Get ready!”

Acel moved so fast that the shock waves left cracks in the ground. Mccaw readied himself for the attack, but there was no way he could be ready for this.

She was stronger than before, each hit knocking him off his bearings. He had to do something or else he would be completely overpowered by her.

Suddenly, Acel sensed a sharp rise in power coming from Mccaw. Despite, the speed at which she was attacking, she could clearly see the difference in Mccaw. His normal eye was closed and his dead eye was open, bleeding as it stared into her soul.

“What the hell? What is that?!” thought Acel.

Mccaw, then smirked, moving his hands in an awkward position that offered no defense and no counter opportunities. He was completely open! Acel knew that this was a trap, and she tried to stop herself, but she was betrayed by her own momentum. Mccaw deflected Acel’s strike spinning her around and leaving her defenseless. Then in three adept movements, he hit the base of her spine, the back of her left lung, and the base of her neck.

Instantaneously, the power escaped her body, somehow forcibly ejected by Mccaw. Acel hit the ground in disbelief, as her eyes return to their natural purple hue and her mind was instantly cleared of the mental burden of the hybrid form.

Somehow, Mccaw Rindar had managed to disable her demon powers. She suspected it had something to do with that demonic eye of his, but she was so flabbergasted that she couldn't fathom what had actually occurred.

“A lady shouldn't lie sprawled out on floor like that,” joked Mccaw, offering her his hand.

“Thanks,” replied Acel as he lifted her up, “That counter-attack was really something. How did you manage to disable my demon powers like that?” inquired Acel.

“All I had to do was hit the right chi centers and it doesn't matter what kind of power you have if you can’t use it. Easy enough to redirect the energy flow,” bragged Mccaw.

“Wow you’re good, your sensei must be proud.” responded Acel holding out her hand.

Mccaw took her hand and smiled.

“Deal’s off.”

Before Acel realized what was happening Mccaw had pulled her in and struck her in the chest, breaking a couple of her ribs.

04: History’s Strongest Disciple
Flung straight upwards by Mccaw’s surprise attack, Acel had mere seconds to think before Mccaw’s follow up attack.

Instinctively, she launched herself toward the ground to get out of the air.

Somehow, Mccaw read her like a book, because as soon as she hit the ground, he hit her with a palm strike to the forehead that sent her flying toward the treeline. Regaining her footing, Acel got up and ran behind the trees.

The way Rindar was now, was more than Acel could handle, especially with her demon powers on the fritz. She was losing control of the speed and directions of her boosts, her telemetric sense was going haywire, and her natural health regeneration failed. She still had open wounds from when they were still sparring and her injuries were accumulating.

“Something I did must have set him off, he’s fighting like a-”

The tree Acel was hiding behind suddenly exploded as Mccaw obliterated it with his nunchaku. The splinters of the tree flew everywhere, luckily Acel’s Aether shield was designed to deal with small multiple projectiles. The sight of Mccaw tearing through the tree just to reach Acel was horrifying, but if she didn't focus on a way of calming him down, she would be finished.

Rather than running away again, Acel hopped back and observed Mccaw charging toward her. It was akin to being stuck on train tracks, the train speeding toward her with every intention of ending her life.

She had to ignore the fear though. She needed to find something tha
Triss
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Jun 28, 2013 3:56 AM #1021524
Heyya I'm back from the slumber!
Now to comment both of you:

The Organization: You give proper spacing, more descriptions than Mccaw, and certainly, a longer reading time. Probably you just need a better vocabulary. Grammar is great on your part. You have done this task well. 8/10 to you!

Mccaw: I know it's your first time, but the difference is staggering. You lack spacing, proper paragraphing, and if your wRHG is thinking, I suggest to put Quotation marks. Yet your storyline is still a bit interesting(although repetitive). Keep improving! 5/10 to you!

Organization win this one!
merich1
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Jun 28, 2013 10:43 PM #1022072
Quote from Triss

The Organization: You give proper spacing, more descriptions than Mccaw, and certainly, a longer reading time. Probably you just need a better vocabulary. Grammar is great on your part. You have done this task well. 8/10 to you!

Mccaw: I know it's your first time, but the difference is staggering. You lack spacing, proper paragraphing, and if your wRHG is thinking, I suggest to put Quotation marks. Yet your storyline is still a bit interesting(although repetitive). Keep improving! 5/10 to you!

Organization win this one!


Er... yeah, pretty much what he said. Just one different thing - I like to put my character's thoughts in italics rather than "quotation marks", but I guess that's just personal preference.
ErrorBlender
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Jun 29, 2013 10:46 AM #1022401
I liked both but The Organization's part was more appealing to me.

The Organization's part was nicely spaced, the battle was fluid and the story was good. You are descriptive when you write and it isn't that hard to imagine what you write. I can see no grammatical error. All in all, the battle was nice and you did a good job. Acel reminds me of Bl.An.C. now that I read your battle.

saintmccaw's part was okay. You just need to add a bit more spacing and be more descriptive.
blakphoenix
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Jun 29, 2013 5:05 PM #1022573
Good show ol' chaps good show!

The fights were quite entertaining but, The Organization has my vote in this poll.

Mccaw: Your story seemed to be switching back and forth from 1st person to 3rd person points of view. That is a confusing "no-no," any other critique was already presented by the other writers.

The Organization: Good, that was very good. I cannot think of any critiques to give for your piece and for that I'm sorry.
Rochedan

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Jun 29, 2013 6:50 PM #1022610
Enjoyed reading both stories. Despite of the others saying you require more `Spacing` and need to work on your `paragraphing`, I think you did well. I actually prefer to read a story without the continues jumps from line to line.. I tend to use shift+enter myself.
Nevertheless, The Organization's writing skills do exceed yours Saintmccaw, and I think you'll agree with me.

PS: if anybody wants to battle against me, please.
zanbyull
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Jul 2, 2013 12:38 PM #1024438
Good story for both, but the lack of mccaw's spacing killed it. That's all anyway.
Canis Majoris
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Jul 2, 2013 8:57 PM #1024648
Well done both of you! I hope I get a good opponent like you in my first battle!
Now, some pointers.

Organization: You used "you're" where it should be "your". Also:
"Since, Mccaw was still holding on to her leg, Acel coiled up and used her super speed to jerk her legs forward." Since doesn't need a comma after. Except for these two nitpicks, your grammar is pretty much flawless and your spacing is good. Like Triss said, get more vocabulary, and you are gonna be a hell of an opponent.

saint: It's all about the spacing. Your first person perspective is nice, but the lack of spacing kinda kills the mood for me to read so much at once. The story was pretty nice and sweet, though.

In the end, my vote goes to The Organization. Don't lose faith, though, saint, you can go a hell of a long way.