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wRHG Tournament R1: Bl.An.C. (ErrorBlender) vs Lucario (GamerXD)

Started by: Hewitt | Replies: 16 | Views: 2,499

Hewitt

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Jul 12, 2013 1:23 AM #1032148
6th Battle for Round 1 is up! Here are the Stipulations:

Setting:]
Spoiler (Click to Show)
ry is the place where Technical Machines are made. They come in every shape and size, and at an infinite number, and even include some experimental ones that Lucario might not know of yet. Even better, is that the entire Corporate HQ is housed by a Psi-Emitter in order to prevent industrial espionage. This basically means that Aura is EVERYWHERE and at the total utility of anyone capable of mastering the art of Aura Manipulation![/spoiler]

Handicap: Lucario (GamerXD8) has unlimited access to his aura powers at no penalty. They're also in a place where his gear is being produced.

Antes :
***Antes are Extra Challenges that add twice the points wagered if successfully pulled off. They come in 3 Flavors (Easy Medium Hard). No two participants can have the same kind of Ante.

GamerXD8 has initiated an Easy Ante: Between Lucario and Blanc, you must both use a total of 8 TMs from the factory. Blanc MUST use at least 3. Note that equipment lying around the factory is available to use TMs if you inherently cannot.

ErrorBlender has initiated a Medium Ante: You must write the entire battle without any of the characters uttering a single word. Even exclamations (Ow! Damn!). Not even your character's internal monologue is allowed. Both characters must communicate using the power of body language and action.

Bonus for this Round: Early Bird / First to Post their entry

Scoring:
- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.

Here are the entries:

Bl.An.C.
Spoiler (Click to Show)
ak from something he could not remember. Bl.An.C. staggers around as he attempted to feel the environment around him by blindly placing his hands in front. His vision was blurred and he walked as if he had vertigo. Finally, his hand had grasped a metal pole for support. Despite knowing it is unwise to reveal his head outside, he took the chance. The helmet whizzed back into the android's back which allowed Cooper to take in a deep breath of air.

Before Cooper had the chance, his mind was forced awake by the immense chill of his surroundings. His eyes widened and his breath became irregular. The man inside the suit was accustomed to the desert heat and the cooling system of the suit itself but not this type of natural cold. He felt his face numbing from the cold. His grey green eyes scanned the area around him as he tried to find a landmark to trace his location.

His breath formed in front of him in a white mist and his teeth chattered uncontrollably as he trudged along what looked to be a half foot of snow. From what Cooper’s grey green eyes could see, this was a city. The road was neatly snowplowed at some point but black ice had formed over the asphalt. Skyscrapers and shops dotted the sides of streets but were abandoned for some reason at the time. Every store seemed to have a 'CLOSED' sign hanging over their glass pane doors or windows with not a single light lit in any of the structures. Cooper closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he tried to remember where he was and how he got here.

Memories slowly began to flood back into his head, dictating the scene as it went by second by second. He could clearly remember the massive onslaught of goons; how he went by disabling them by his plasma gun but that didn't shed light at all to his current predicament. He kept racking at his thoughts and gritted his teeth as he tried harder. An image of Ensiron popped in his head, his current ally whizzed past the enemies and he had collaborated with him to take out the remaining goons. Then, he could remember something. Something odd that made a metallic sound from within the warehouse. Lightning zapped the gladiators one by one, which seemed to eliminate them from reality itself. The android and Ensiron, from what he could remember, rushed inside the building again only to see the massive tesla coil like mechanism inside. The machine didn't hesitate when it zapped the duo with a powerful force and then...

The android shook his head. He remembered what he needed to know. This was part of the tournament. He cast his gaze around once again, turned around and a massive structure loomed over him. Cooper took in deep breaths of cold air; each breath chilled his lungs, and looked up to see the massive lettering somewhere in the uppermost floors. The midday sun didn’t make it easier to read but Cooper squinted his eyes just enough to make out the words: Silph Co. The letters gleamed under the sun. It was easy to tell that the structure was a factory just from sight alone.

Cooper quickly activated the suit’s helmet which whizzed swiftly and smoothly onto his face. His lone jade eye glowed to life, which signaled the Cooper’s direct control over the suit’s systems. The android slowly took each step closer to the double doors and opened them easily but the android paused for a bit. This is a company factory. Why would it be unlocked?

As Bl.An.C. entered the factory, the automatic doors closed behind him. His steps echoed through the massive building. It was dark and, from what Cooper had earlier experienced, very chilly. Perhaps it was the holidays here. The pseudo-android switched to infrared vision. From his HUD, Bl.An.C. could make out boxes and numerous machines used for manufacturing whatever product they made. He inched his way towards one of the boxes and plunged his hands into it. He fished out one of the products, which seemed like a disk of sorts, and scanned them.

Before his scan had completed, the entire factory lit up. The bright lamplights above flared on in rows, flooding the chilly factory with white light. Something whirred to life as well; an engine could be heard activating itself. The android returned his vision to normal to avoid getting blind by the stark whiteness of the light in infrared. Bl.An.C. readied himself since an attack could come from anywhere. Out of the blue, blasts of blue white energy attacked the boxes where Bl.An.C. was. The boxes exploded in a burst of cardboard and disk confetti. The android lowered himself to a crouch as he determined the location of the attack. A flash of light enveloped Bl.An.C.’s hands and back, and in a few seconds, they were replaced with dark colored armguards and the wingpack.

His opponent, from how the boxes had fallen, should be at a higher ground. He tried to sneak a peek to get a better look at his opponent by peering over to one of the sides. His optical sensors picked up a humanoid figure with two glowing spheres gripped loosely in both of his hands. His jade eye zoomed in for a closer inspection and found that it was none other than Lucario.

Bl.An.C. then saw Lucario drop himself from the steel walkway and walk towards him. The boy’s smile was almost friendly. Could he trust Lucario at this point?

The blue brawler stopped in the middle of the factory itself and leaned sideways curiously trying to find where his opponent was. Bl.An.C. soon decided that Lucario was genuinely out for a fair fight and that those first attacks were some sort of warning shot.

The android stood up from his place and walked towards the center where an aisle between machinery and stacks of boxes. Lucario looked surprised to see the android but smiled nonetheless, it was familiarity that struck the brawler that caused him to smile. He even looked relieved to see him. Lucario cracked his knuckles and assumed a low stance. He placed his goggles onto his eyes and placed his hands below his chest with one slightly outstretched with palm open. He smirked, eyebrows furrowed from concentration. That look was, it seemed to Bl.An.C., a sign that said: “I’m ready to take you down.”

Cooper, within the suit, couldn’t help but smile as well. The android stood straight and crossed his arms in front of himself. Cooper breathed in from the suit and exhaled as he threw his arms sideways. The armguards quickly buzzed to life, and manifested the beam blades, cyan blue energy weapons that could cut through most objects.

Lucario’s aura began to manifest physically, a powerful blue white flame emanated from the blue brawler. The mute flame roared powerfully, and Bl.An.C. could see Lucario’s fierce concentration. From the suit’s internal HUD, the energy levels of Lucario spiked a hundred fold from before. The look of surprise was absent from the outside but Cooper felt outmatched on this one but he had little choice in this. He had to win.

Lucario was the first to move, the blue white aura trailed behind him, embers of his flame like aura left like a petal storm. The blue brawler appeared before Bl.An.C. in mere seconds and plunged his fist into the android’s gut. He closely connected with a powerful right hook but the android, though within the suit Cooper writhed in pain, dodged the attack.

Bl.An.C.’s wingpack quickly spread its wings and blazed on. He rushed forward and brought up his knee towards Lucario’s face. The brawler reeled back but quickly regained composure with a step backward. The pseudo android brought down one of the beam blades to strike at Lucario. The brawler leapt back, evaded the strike and spread both arms open. Whirlpools of energy spiraled towards Lucario’s palms which then solidified in mere instants. He threw each of these aura spheres at the Blast Android, each of the projectiles still collected as much aura as they flew out of their originator’s hands.

Bl.An.C. advanced, he swept away one of the spheres away with the use of the beam blade, dodged the other with a twist of the body and swept the other blade at Lucario.

Lucario beamed with determination. He allowed the beam blade to pass by him by sidestepping to one side. He grabbed the android’s arm and pulled him closer. Lucario raised his free arm and attempted to shatter the android’s eye with his elbow but the android had other plans.

Bl.An.C. ducked at the last possible second. He cut power off the blades and the wing pack flared on. He wrapped his arms around Lucario’s waist and rocketed upwards towards the factory’s ceiling. Lucario’s eyes widened and the breath pushed out of his lungs as they crashed through ceiling. The android released his grip as they reached the hundred foot mark. His hands shone with white light as Lucario slowly plummeted to the ground. Bl.An.C. rushed towards the brawler with the iron fists completely manifested and discharged a massive amount of voltage. Bl.An.C.’ s optics zoomed in at Lucario, which was cool and collected even at free fall as he held something to his shoulder. It looked to be a disk of sorts as he inserted it into a device connected to his arm. Out of the blue, a powerful force of energy exploded from the brawler as draconic wings unfolded from the brawler’s back.

Bl.An.C. continued his course; he reached Lucario and threw a jab at the brawler. The brawler crossed his arms in between himself and the fist. The android could see layers upon layers of scales forming in a cascade from the impact point of his fist. The electricity rebounded off Lucario, which then lowered his arms to reveal his now draconic eyes. His smile began to look more feral and toothy. The brawler grabbed his opponent’s arm and headbutted Bl.An.C.. The android fell for a few seconds as his hands flashed in a white light and slowly manifested into the plasma guns. He corrected himself mid fall and aimed for his aerial foe. Lucario growled and his wing beat twice as fast as he sped through the air towards the android. Bl.An.C. fired beam after beam of cyan energy but his opponent dodged every one of them by banking on either side and rolling in the air as he rushed in forward. The android returned the ranged weapons and called back the iron fists since ranged weaponry was almost useless at this point but before his weapons manifested, Lucario was already there. The draconic brawler grabbed the android by his leg, spun in the air once as he tugged the android and hurtled his opponent down towards the factory

Bl.An.C. felt the G-force of his fall pushing his face upward from the helmet. He felt the ceiling crumble as he fell through it and fall through the steel walkway and down to the boxes. Cooper rolled to one side and dropped to the floor on all fours, the box fell to his side, pouring out its contents. The helmet whizzed back and he coughed out blood. Cooper was losing hope in the battle, Lucario had suddenly gotten a massive boost in power for an unknown reason. His blood began to splatter on the disks but then he had noticed something. The disks had tags on them. He weakly grabbed a couple of them and read the tags: “Snatcher”, “Agatha Rorik” and “Diittoo”.

Diitoo… That was the name of his ally. An ally he had back in his days as a Rising Stars member. If he had judged correctly, these disks had the powers of some wRHG and RHG alike in them. If that were the case then Lucario was simply copying these disks. Using them as tools, power multipliers!

Cooper looked over his shoulder and saw Lucario fly through the hole in the ceiling and rush for him. The android stood up and opened his palms. Sparks of electricity danced on the steel of the iron fists and his helmet covered his head. The jade eye flashed alive as he readied himself. Something was definitely up.

Lucario smashed the ground he crashed in, Bl.An.C. sidestepped, and jabbed at the draconic brawler. Lucario blocked with his free arm and opened his mouth. A powerful blast of cyan flames burst forth from the brawler’s mouth. The android darted to the right and delivered a powerful right hook. It connected, knocking Lucario to one side with a powerful discharge of electricity. The android twisted in place, activated his wing pack and brought his entire leg upwards and smashing it down onto the brawler’s head. Lucario was knocked down to the crater he had made but his hands kept him from completely falling in. The brawler pushed himself upwards to a standing position. His hands then assumed a new stance. His draconic features slowly faded into nothingness and a look of purpose filled Lucario’s face.

The brawler moved forward, and struck at the android in quick successive blows. Each strike was precise and powerfully backed up with an outburst of aura. The android had little chance to strike back but did his best to do so and block whatever he could. Lucario ended the attacks with a powerful strike to Bl.An.C.’s head which he connected with a crushing kick to his chest. Bl.An.C. felt some of his ribs crack. Even with the suit, it was becoming less of a match against a super power.

Bl.An.C. crashed into some of the factory’s machinery and bounced off to the ground. Bl.An.C. knelt but this time very weakly. Inside, he was breathing heavily and the suit’s internal HUD was dotted with blood. He was stunned to see Lucario this stronger than before. In their spar, Lucario was strong but never this strong. He knew the boy had trained and even assumed he had trained under a master but to get this powerful it had to take years but in this case it was only days. There had to be some cheat to the system. Cooper kept guessing. Then it struck him. Didn’t he see Lucario the last time they fought charge? He thought on this for a second before realizing Lucario had only charged once. In their spar, he could remember Lucario charging more than a couple of times. Something was powering Lucario. He had to find it before he would expire.

Lucario appeared once again. The android’s optical systems began to go on the fritz but he could clearly see Lucario inserting another disk onto an object on his right arm. Lucario breathed in as he walked by casually, an aura of confidence was bursting from him. Lucario’s gloves shone with the
saintmccaw

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Jul 13, 2013 6:10 AM #1033886
Dayum. Juuust Dayum. Alright, so...

Errorblender: Your story was pretty damn good. In the first paragraph, I was knocked out of my trance of your story. For some reason, it killed your momentum for me when you say words again right after eachother. "Cold" and "Cold" almost back to back slammed me back into reality. How you could easily fix this? Just think of different words, perhaps a dictionary. "The frost numbed his face." Anything really, because it is small things or hitches like this that can snap the reader out of their thoughts. I found this to happen multiple times, and it murdered your flow. However, it didn't ruin your story because it was just that good. Choosing who was better was a bitch... Especially since your fight scene was soooo good.

GamerXD: Your story was good aswell. Your story hooked me, and your description of the Host and the general beginning was what really hooked me. The fight scene was great, and even though it seemed alittle gimicky the music really fit into it. However, it was just something that you did that made the music work into this piece, and since I'm not quite sure if you could pull it off again I wouldn't try. However, your weak point to me was your last section: The Reversal Finish. The banter/talk between the two made me cringe and bite my lip, as it seemed abit too cheesy and heavy handed in the way they conversed/their actions. It is hard to explain, but it just came off odd how they discussed what they were doing/how it worked with eachother. Like I said, despite your weak end, I'd like to say that your story was kick ass.

My verdict?
GAMERXDDDDDDDDDDDD

Both of you made awesome stories, especially you Gamer (thats why I voted for you.) I wouldn't let this stop you though ErrorBlender, as I love your story, style, and character and feel that with all those things on your side that you could make an awesome story. Your story didn't really have too many flaws, Gamers was just better in my eyes. Keep it up to the both of you.
ErrorBlender
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Jul 14, 2013 7:53 AM #1035029
Thanks for the feedback, saintmccaw. I will look into this and rework my battles. The redundancies will stop.

Also, I request CnC from the others as well. Me and GamerXD8 truly wish to improve our skills and votes will not get us far. CnC will.
Rochedan

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Jul 14, 2013 10:21 AM #1035133
3# and final 'official' CnC on ErrorBlender (Click to Show)


I didn't cover all of the subject of writing, but I'm a bit hungover from last night, sorry for that
Now I'm going to read GamerXD's and then vote :)
Xate
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Jul 14, 2013 10:32 AM #1035140
My eyes shall be wide open, waiting for your detail criticism.
Rochedan

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Jul 14, 2013 10:37 AM #1035143
Quote from GamerXD8
My eyes shall be wide open, waiting for your detail criticism.


I'm not sure if this is pointed towards me. But if it is you have to understand that my CnC's are random. I just start reading and when I feel like CnC'ing I CnC.
Perhaps I'll CnC on your story somewhere in the future but I won't make promises.
No offense, but you're asking for detailed criticism while I haven't really seen you criticize on other stories. (correct me if I'm wrong)
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Jul 14, 2013 10:57 AM #1035157
Quote from Rochedan
3# and final 'official' CnC on ErrorBlender (Click to Show)


I didn't cover all of the subject of writing, but I'm a bit hungover from last night, sorry for that
Now I'm going to read GamerXD's and then vote :)


About the grammatical errors, I shall do my best to avoid them. Thank you for pointing them out as they seem to pop out like daisies whenever I write and tend to not notice them. About the end, I was trying to change perspectives from time to time as I tried to experiment on different views. It seems it didn't pay off. I will put more effort to it.
Xate
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Jul 14, 2013 2:15 PM #1035304
Quote from Rochedan
No offense, but you're asking for detailed criticism while I haven't really seen you criticize on other stories. (correct me if I'm wrong)

True. But I shall start my CnC spree soon. Don't worry.
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Jul 15, 2013 12:54 AM #1035795
Well the choice of vote was actually quite difficult for me to choose between both fighters. While both stories had an overly gracious amount of battle action, I felt that the length of the writing dragged the fighting into the ground somewhat.

IMO, I felt that the quality slowly diminished and that both writers slowly ran out of how to swing a fist at the other guy while keeping it interesting.

On the other hand, a plus to both writers was that they started out okay with their fights and the descriptions were adequate.

However, both had several awkward sentences that, once read over again, will be sure to arise if read aloud. I'm not really sure much else I can add other than I wish their was something else to fit in this length of writing other than fighting like Lucario's friend that he's trying to save and more on that story, or a bit on Blancs background (perhaps I should more of his as well).

I'm still looking over both stories and consider antes and characters with the limited time that I have, but I look forward to your future fights gentlemen.
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Jul 15, 2013 2:32 AM #1035834
Nikx32, I'm glad to see you back. I do hope you begin writing again :)

Anyways, thank you for the comment. I admit that the battle might have dragged on but I tried my best to keep it interesting. I will try to keep the awkward sentences to a minimum, if not removed. Thanks for the feedback. :)

EDIT :: It seems me and GamerXD8's scores keep getting tied. :)
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Jul 15, 2013 5:06 PM #1036301
Stop having good fights, because they make it very challenging to decide who emerges victorious!

I voted for Errorblender, let's get that said right now. His story did have grammatical issues (whose doesn't), awkward sentence structures (awkward to read that is), and a few redundancies (that were redundant). However the battle scene was described very nicely and I thoroughly enjoyed envisioning it as I read.

Gamer, why did you keep "quoting" things? They didn't entirely have much of a purpose and it constantly took my mind out of the fight; then again so do slight grammatical issues; ex.
then his left leg outstretched and gave him to momentum to ram the android,
Your fight was nice as well especially, with the addition of battle music; that definitely kept the Pokemon theme alive in this battle and made me happy. My biggest gripe while reading your story were scenes such as this:
manifested into an energy orb as it blew Luke up, its radiant light almost blinded Luke, even with his black goggles on.

The black android was also affected, however, as he slowly recalibrated his jade eye. When his vision returned to normal, the first thing he saw was a brass knuckle.

How did Lucas recover from that attack? Is he more magical than I previously thought? There were moments where he just did things and it seemed a bit farfetch'd (sorry I just needed to use a Pokepun). When writing from a third person point of view, the reader should have knowledge of what all characters are doing most of the time. The exception being when your main character is separated from the other characters. (This was actually a problem with my battle that I too must correct in the future).

You both did good, jolly good show!
Xate
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Jul 15, 2013 5:12 PM #1036306
...A good CnC is what I need. I may not win, but I got EXP! Haha, GamerXD8 has leveled up! Writing+1.
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Jul 15, 2013 5:23 PM #1036317
...That reply...Kinda rhymed...and I'm certain it just made my morning 14% more enjoyable; a low intake of coffee was previously holding back my daily enjoyment values by 35%. Thank you Gamer! :D
Xate
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Jul 15, 2013 5:53 PM #1036338
0-0
It does! HUZZAH~
Does that mean you will change your vote to me?
jk
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Jul 15, 2013 10:48 PM #1036577
Both of these entries were extremely enjoyable. I commend each of you for your style of writing, and completing each of your antes. Though I have the misfortune of reading into these fights without full knowledge of each of your Gladiators, I could get enough from both battles to get enough of an understanding of each fighter's capabilities.

Each of you had a number of grammatical issues that could easily be repaired with a little proof reading and editing, but I could still understand every point that was tried to be made so I personally won't hold either of you to it. My only advice for this is to reread your writings to yourself, then again out loud, then again to a friend, then let that friend read it themselves, and all the while you edit, edit, edit. :)

I originally decided that, because @GamerXD8 had me at the edge of my seat in anticipation just a little more, and had me smiling along with the battle music, he would get my vote. But upon going back, I noticed the handicap and realized why @ErrorBlendor had written his entry with his own Gladiator at such a disadvantage. Lucario was meant to have an unlimited supply of power from a source inside of the factory. I definitely did not notice this in your fight Gamer, and because I feel that the handicaps play a major role in the first rounds of this tournament, I've changed my vote to ErrorBlendor.
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