Click HERE for the rules of this Round...

***Antes are Extra Challenges that add twice the points wagered if successfully pulled off. They come in 3 Flavors (Easy Medium Hard). No two participants can have the same kind of Ante. For more info, click the link above.

Lobotomizer has initiated a Hard Ante.

blakphoenix has initiated a Hard Ante.


Scoring:
- Votes are worth 5 pts. each.
- CNC-ing an entry gives you 10 pts. Detailed ones get an extra 5 pts. Maximum 3 CnCs per participant.
- Bonus for the Round is 20 pts. Bonus for this Round is the best depiction of Irony.
- Fulfilled Antes give 10, 20, 30 pts. and lost 5, 10, 15 pts if failed depending on difficulty
- Judge's Blessing gives 15 points if entry caught the Judge's eye.


Here are the entries:

Kalena Eirwen
[spoiler=Lobotomizer's Entry][color]The floor quaked and rumbled, and with t[/color]hem towering walls of rock rose into the skies, sealing the paths of every gladiator and separating Kalena from the very person she had hoped to meet again.[/COLOR]

[color]"...Cor...von?" She murmured, slowly slu[/color]mping onto the ground. Her hand moved to the walls, but the unnaturally smoothed surface offered no crevice, nothing for her to break through, nor a foothold to climb with. Corvon was gone as soon as he came, and nothing could be done about it. She winced as pain shot through her back, a result of a few iron pencils that had struck her back. Deep, but not very lethal, serving to only frustrate her more. [/COLOR]

[color]Once, she was tempted to break through t[/color]he mass of rock with her blade, but when she motioned to her sheath, it dawned upon her that even her other companion was gone from her possession. All she had was herself, her sheath, and...[/COLOR]

[color]Her hand unconsciously moved to her ches[/color]t, where a tiny, nondescript pendant lay, hanging from her neck by a silver chain. Almost as soon as she had, however, did the surrounding air shift ever so slightly. Wisps that seemed to appear from nowhere swirled into the space before her, joining themselves into a vague, blob like form that gradually morphed into that of a...wolf.[/COLOR]

[color]She stared at this creature, not sure wh[/color]at to think of the situation. It looked every bit like the real thing; a majestic canine with a thick fur that streaked a deep brown, and had there not been bits of swirling dust around it, she might have mistaken it for the true, live version. It returned the gaze evenly, looking both curious and cautious of its new owner.[/COLOR]

[color]Finding it rather docile, she crouched t[/color]o the wolf's level and gave the back of its ears a light scratch. It didn't object; rather, it looked somewhat content at the scratching, nuzzling her lightly in return. She gave a rare, faint smile at that. For now, it seemed to have accepted her as its master...or at least, a friend.[/COLOR]

[color]Finally she stood up, her expression now[/color] steeled with little trace of emotion. Corvon might be absent, as was her sword, but at this moment, it was of little concern. She had her duty, her goal, and if she had to see through it, she would have to forge on ahead without her old companions. Her hand left the pendant, and now gripped tightly around the top of her sheath as she strode through the twisted labyrinth, her newfound partner trotting beside her. [/COLOR]
____________________________________
“...Kalena!”

[color]The sound of Corvon’s fist slamming in[/color]to rock echoed around him, but much as he wanted it to, the walls would not open from his will alone, only staring back at his agonised expression, cold and unforgiving.[/COLOR]

[color]He gave the wall one final punch. She’[/color]ll be fine, he told himself. Kalena would survive, like she’d always had, no matter the opponent, no matter the situation. All he needed to do was to find her in this twisting maze, and everything would turn out for the better. He shook his head and turned back to the maze, thinking of regaining his bearings, but no sooner did he do so did he realise he was not alone.[/COLOR]

“Observation: ‘You seem lost.’”

[color]A voice emanated from beside Corvon, sou[/color]nding almost robotic in nature. Corvon took a step back, almost unbelieving of what he saw. It was a man in a black metallic suit, accompanied by blinking, faded lights that glowed a light emerald. A queer sight, to see something so absolutely foreign even in this world, enough to make him wonder if he wasn’t simply dreaming about some iron equivalent. At least, the mage hoped it was a metal suit, and that he was not conversing with an animated metallic golem of some sort.[/COLOR]
[color]“I...suppose I am,” he replied slowl[/color]y, unsure of what to else to say. Was this an enemy, or an ally? He couldn’t decide. Already his mind was racing, wary of anything this person might possibly pull. After all, anyone in the tournament was an enemy to Kalena; surely the same would apply to him too?[/COLOR]

[color]“Statement: How very strange it is to [/color]see someone like that here. You are not an enemy, I suppose.”[/COLOR]

[color]He shook his head in response, not trust[/color]ing himself to say more.[/COLOR]

[color]“Suggestion: Then how about we assist [/color]each other. We gain nothing in fighting; we may as well fight our battles together.”[/COLOR]

[color]The man in the metal suit paused for a m[/color]oment, before adding, “Statement addition: Provided, of course, if you would fight my battle first before I fight yours.”[/COLOR]

[color]Corvon noted the last part of the senten[/color]ce, but even if it weren’t there, the answer to that was obvious. He was suspicious, paranoid, and more to the point, he was more concerned with finding Kalena as soon as possible rather than to gain a potential temporary ally. One who seemed little less than trustworthy.[/COLOR]

[color]“I...cannot,” he answered, gulping i[/color]n anticipation for the other’s reaction.[/COLOR]

[color]Contrary to his expectations, the man me[/color]rely turned away to the direction of the path, “Statement: That is a disappointment. But at the very least, I’d wish for us to stay out of each other’s way.”[/COLOR]

[color]Corvon found himself unconsciously noddi[/color]ng in agreement. Time was of essence, and he had no intention of fighting someone who isn’t even remotely related to his goal. He motioned to move off to search for his companion, but then his eyes drifted to the man’s hands, and he froze almost instantly. Resting in his right was a simply adorned short sword, gleaming under the light with pronounced sharpness.[/COLOR]

“Query: Is there something wrong?”

[color]Corvon heard the man speak, but his mind[/color] barely registered the words that left the man’s mouth. He was too focused, too fixated on that very one sword that was wielded. The blade that was with Kalena for so long. Of course, The Host had, with whatever witchery he had in his disposal, swapped everyone’s equipment and capabilities. But that meant that he had one other way to assist Kalena. Gradually, his eyes lifted to meet the pendant that was strung around the man’s neck, and a foolish plan came into mind.[/COLOR]

[color]“I apologise, but could I have your na[/color]me?” He spoke, his eyes still locked onto the pendant.[/COLOR]

[color]“Answer: You may address me as Bl.An.C[/color].” The tone sounded vaguely curious, piqued by the sudden question that Corvon raised.[/COLOR]

[color]“My name...is Corvon,” he replied, n[/color]ow meeting the man’s gaze evenly. Or at least, where he assumed the eyes were, “I apologise, but that sword you wield...it is the possession of a certain friend of mine.”[/COLOR]

[color]Bl.An.C. looked down, glancing at the sw[/color]ord in his hand, “Statement: Ah, this weapon. You understand that if you are in this tournament, you would have to fight that friend of yours as well, don’t you?”[/COLOR]

[color]”No...I,” Corvon frowned. That was a[/color] good question. Was he even a participant in this? And if so, why was he allowed in here at all?[/COLOR]

[color]“I’m...not actually a gladiator,” [/color]he admitted.[/COLOR]

[color]“Statement: Intriguing,” Bl.An.C. no[/color]dded, seemingly thoughtful about the matter, “I don’t know why a non-participant would be here, but I assume you intend to help your friend by relinquishing their weapon.” [/COLOR]
A nod was given in response.

[color]“Statement: A shame. You understand th[/color]at all I have is this blade. I cannot allow you to jeopardise my ability to fight, debilitated as it is right now,” Bl.An.C.shook his head, sounding almost disappointed.[/COLOR]

[color]Corvon felt a cold sweat drip down from [/color]his neck, suddenly realising what the man was implying with his words, “so you mean...”[/COLOR]

[color]“Statement: It is a pleasure meeting y[/color]ou, Corvon, but I’m afraid we were fated to fight the moment this round had began.”[/COLOR]
+++++++++++++++
[color]The maze seemed to comprise of snaking l[/color]ines that seemed to have no visible end to them, twisting, curving to unimaginable lengths. Once, Kalena would have thought she had a straight path to move to, and the next she would find herself taking more left turns than normally possible, or encounter one fork in the path after another. Even as she stuck to the left at all times, it almost seemed as though she was going in circles, and not anymore closer to the exit or finding her opponent.[/COLOR]

[color]It was eerily quiet. Not a single sound [/color]indicated the presence of the other gladiators in the maze. Perhaps the walls were far too thick, or perhaps no one had gotten into a fight yet. Whichever the case was, the silence only made the travelling more unnerving. Shadows seemed to jump at her, and she steadily grew more wary of her surroundings, turning sharply at the odd sound or movement that would turn out to be something more mundane than she'd made it out to be. At the very least, she could be reassured by the fact that she had a wolf for a companion. One that she knew was of the spiritual plane, but a companion nonetheless, who seemed to give off a feeling that she could rely on it without fail.[/COLOR]

[color]Minutes passed, but they seemed like hou[/color]rs, for there was little to keep track of the time with, nor were there landmarks to even show the slightest bit of progress they have made. But the monotonous journey soon changed, when the next turn she took led her into a spacious room. Perhaps it was the sudden change in surroundings - the increase in space, the transition from a dirt floor to a series of engraved, irregularly shaped cobblestone tiles that lined the ground in a spiralling fashion. - that caused it, or just the sinister aura that seemed to emanate from within the room itself, but Kalena could feel a wave of unease wash over her. This was no ordinary room, and for some unfathomable reason, she swore that this very room was made...for her.[/COLOR]

[color]The feeling hadn’t gotten unnoticed by[/color] her companion either; it slowly stood erect, arching its back with its mouth parted to form a visible snarl. its attention was directed, not at the room itself, but at the other exit of it, just a little ways from them.[/COLOR]

[color]Kalena turned her head then, and no soon[/color]er had she did a man come walking in from the other exit. He looked relatively young, clad in a modern looking jacket that was dyed a jet black, accompanied by matching shirt and pants. Like the last opponent before, he looked absolutely ordinary save for his silver hair and grey eyes, the latter just barely visible in the distance. And yet, he seemed to give off an otherworldly aura that she couldn't decipher.[/COLOR]

[color]"Oh?" The man seemed to notice her, and [/color]gave a slight grin, "I didn't think i'd actually manage to find someone in this maze.”[/COLOR]
[color]Kalena stared at him for a moment, then [/color]loosened her tense shoulders ever so slightly upon realising that he seemed to hold no hostility. At least, not currently.[/COLOR]

[color]“...Likewise,” she replied, more out[/color] of courtesy than small talk. At the same time she bent down and gave the wolf a few pats. It relaxed a little when she did, but still remained alert, staring at the new visitor intently with its piercing eyes.[/COLOR]

[color]A moment of silence ensued, both staring[/color] at the other but neither saying a word. Even as Kalena was cautious of this man, even she wasn’t willing to enter into a battle without reason.[/COLOR]

[color]“So,” The man continued, hoping to k[/color]eep the conversation going, “tough situation we’re in, huh?”[/COLOR]

[color]A nod, but nothing in the way of words. [/color]Despite this, the man remained persistent, stepping forward to introduce himself, “Name’s Zero. What’s yours?”[/COLOR]

[color]“...Kalena Eirwen,” Kalena answered,[/color] and after some hesitation, hazarded a question of hers, “you seem to be a pleasant enough person, what brought you to this system?”[/COLOR]

[color]“Does that mean only unpleasant people[/color] should be here?” Zero joked.[/COLOR]

[color]“For a system which promotes senseless[/color] bloodshed among people, would that be wrong?”[/COLOR]

[color]His smile faded when he realised that he[/color]r words were no joke, “training. There is a...certain goal I have to achieve that I can’t do without it.”[/COLOR]
[color]“And you would fuel the cycle of viole[/color]nce for that very reason?”[/COLOR]

[color]“Yes.” A moment of of silence, befor[/color]e Zero challenged, “and you? On what grounds do you have to be here?”[/COLOR]

[color]“To judge those in this wretched syste[/color]m, and remove them from it with whatever means,” she answered readily.[/COLOR]

[color]He gave a hollow laugh, “you can’t j[/color]udge people. No one can.”[/COLOR]

[color]Her eyes narrowed, the only indication o[/color]f her flaring temper at his mockery, “and for what reason do you have to say otherwise?”[/COLOR]

[color]“I’ve seen through enough wars to un[/color]derstand. Morality is only seen in the perspective of your own. Judge all you want, but in the end you’re only imposing your own ideals on others. You’re no god, kid, your decisions are as human and theirs.”[/COLOR]

[color]Kalena snapped then, her voice raised in[/color] volume, almost to that of shouting if she hadn’t reined it in with what little control she had left, “should a criminal not be punished for his crimes simply because he felt it unfair? Should a king not be usurped because he felt his rule fair, yet his people suffer under his rule? Tell me, are you implying that justice is a flawed concept?”[/COLOR]

[color]By this time her words had grown loud th[/color]at it almost shook the room. Her brows furrowed, lips parted to a near scowl, and her eyes, a gaze piercing through him with all the furious anger that she contained in her heart. Even the wolf beside her began to growl, arching its back to the Zero couldn’t help but take a step back at this sudden outburst, but it should have been expected; he was, after all, questioning the very motive she had for existing, even if he did not know the extent of it. But even so, he refused to back down. Stubborn pride perhaps, or just a need to set her right. Whatever it wa

Wait, I'm confused. I thought that for this round, two participants could have the same ante, and that Blak had chosen a Hard one. Did the rules change, or did I miss that update?

Haha, you must be mistaken both are Hard ante~
< w <
> w >
*quickly fixes it*

LOL, Of course, my mistake. ^-^

It's late and I'm tired, I just wanted to check into the writers lounge before I go to sleep. I will read and CnC this and each of the other battles tomorrow.

I know commenting on my own battle wont get me much of anywhere, but I'd like to say that I was very pleased with the way you portrayed Zero, Lobotomizer; in spite of his, yes generic and cheesy, personality. I am slowly pushing towards that calm mannered, more mature, and wise Zero with each passing story and you just gave me a good look into the future. Also, I enjoyed how you wrote two battles at once, and the fact that all of us who used Corvon portrayed him with a different set of abilities. My only thought at the moment is that I got lost slightly while trying to envision everything in your battle to the same degree of detail that you explained it. This caused me to read a couple of sentences over again, but that could just be me. Let's wait and see how the others feel. Overall, you wrote a great and detailed battle that I am honored to be up against. :)

So I decided I need to get the whole cnc job past me, and then I recall blakphoenix's story spanning close to eight thousand. And it's 2 45am.

Groan.

I'll edit this post when I regain consciousness and in a mood to read and critique.

Blak is a homie (I feel slightly ashamed for saying that...) but that isn't what voting is about...

I don't know how to accurately describe it... But The way Lobo wrote just seemed to have a little better flow and the fact that she wrote two battles at once won me over... ;-;
Dun hate meh...

Good job Lobo :D

I'll add more to my CnC on this later when I finish gathering everything from both parties pieces :U

The Quick CnC:
However, I'd have to say that I felt Lobo's piece (as stated before) flowed nicer and felt more novel-ish

Black's felt a bit forced as far as some descriptions were concerned (I'll find them later). I felt as if some of the descriptions were unnecessary for the focus of the plot and perhaps could have been used else where.

Lobo... That was beautiful. I loved how you added two battles and you had such brilliant writing. I don't even think I could come up with problems with this if i sat and thought for hours.

I am just so very won over by this.

My vote goes to Lobo.

I loved both battles. They all had an edge in their own way and I found it hard to remove my eyes from the screen at each one.

With Lobotomizer's work, I enjoyed the dual battle scenes between Kalena and Zero, Corvon and Bl.An.C.. Though, the only thing I can say is that Bl.An.C. wouldn't go that extra mile to kill which is what I think yours depicted. He disdains killing and would only go that far if the need requires it. In this case, it wasn't. Anyway, other than that, I think you captured Ensiron's and my own character's personality well. It was a great read and the fight scenes were intense. We took different paths on how Corvon would react to being separated from Kalena and I can't be sure if Corvon would actually do that, [my part].

blakphoenix. That opening was awesome. You picked up from where you left off and I liked that, you left us with a cliffhanger back in R1 and I was glad to even read the continuation of it. Nice. I felt that I grew to understand Ensiron a bit better through your part. The conversations between the gladiators in the middle was a nice addition as well. The battle to me was good but it was short. Not to say it didn't convey the impact it should have, I liked it, but Lobotomizer's part held more substance.

All in all, I enjoyed both works and decided to vote for Lobotomizer.

Quote from BoomerangReturns

#Vote Lobo.

You are missing the number sign, BoomerangReturns.

So I'll start with Lobotomizer. I've got to be honest, I'm going to get nitpicky with you because of this:

Quote from Mecha-Hewitt

That's why he's[Lobotomizer] our strongest seed. I thought that was pretty clear at this point XD

I'm not putting this all on Hewitt's shoulders; My point is that I'm sure that most everybody in the writer's lounge and in the tournament can agree with this statement. I'm sorry if the others' expectations of you are a burden, and if putting you into this kind of pressure seems unfair, but to balance your skill level with proper CnC, I've got bring to light everything I find to be lacking in your tournament entry. I'll start with the negatives.

Quote from Lobotomizer

--She winced as pain shot through her back, a result of a few iron pencils that had struck her back.
--Even the wolf beside her began to growl, arching its back to the Zero couldn’t help but take a step back at this sudden outburst
--Had he not retreated, Zero would have found himself in somewhere he would rather wish not to be.
--Strangely enough, each hit seemed to connect, but it only served to make the wolf even more furious, shaking its jaws about to tear away muscle.
--I thought your master would have told you do.

The bolded areas are pretty much parts in your story that could have used editing to replace unnecessary repetition, unfinished sentences, sentences that were worded weirdly, and/or slightly confusing sentences. These had me stop where I was to reread the entire paragraph that I found them in, just to see if I had missed something. It threw me out of the story momentarily, and made it longer for me to finish reading.

Your portrayal of both Zero and Bl.An.C. were not on mark. I understand that hammering down the right dialogue to showcase Ensiron's humor and Cooper's robotic attitude is not an easy challenge, and only Blak and Error can fully pull that off; however their actions also seemed off cue, which I feel you have more control over. Zero's small philosophical outburst towards Kalena about justice seemed way out of character, especially when paired with the OOC seriousness in his demeanor. And if I'm not mistaken, Bl.An.C. never goes for the kill, so the attempted death strike on Corvon had me shaking my head in disagreement. As well as Bl.An.C.'s sentence starters, they could have been better. Error has an Index on how to start sentences on Bl.An.C.'s wRHG page, so to only see a few used, when multiple were available... IDK, it seemed just a tad lazy. I grade the portrayal of Ensiron and Cooper an A- in effort, but the overall outcome a C.

Now for the good stuff. Other than those five sentence, only five, I had absolutely no trouble understanding your story. Given that majority of it was fighting, I've got to give you even higher praise. The actions in fight scenes seem to be some of the toughest to describe, and here I was able to picture every sword swing, every physical contact, all the placements of the fighters, and even the emotions and pains of each contestant described.

I found some ironies, whether you placed them in or not, but I have to tell you how much appreciated the twist you did with Corvon and Bl.An.C. I believed, as I'm sure the other writers did, that when swapping items/abilities/companions to new owners, those new owners would essentially use the newly acquired add-on in the same way that the were used before; a weapon used as a weapon, manipulation used as is, and companions used like their original purpose. Corvon, outside of being her friend, is essentially Kalena's squire, so when he was assigned to Bl.An.C. I had thought he would act as such as well. Both Error and Blak wrote them that way, but you didn't. Instead of acting as squire, he became enemy. Because I think Hewitt had originally planned for Corvon to become squire for a different contestant by switching them, this seems like a pretty large Irony quota. I could be wrong, but that's how I see it. And who knows, that might have been one of the ironies you tried to write in and it was meant to be obvious. I just wanted to state that I highly enjoyed the twist.

Moving on to Blak. It wouldn't be fair if I only picked apart sentences in your opponents piece, so I'll do the same for you.

Quote from blakphoenix

--...two were around his neck, a glowing object shaped like a dodecahedron and a large button, hanging on his waist were metallic hilts, one short and one large, and originally sticking out of his pocket he held up a card shaped stone with the name “Kalena” written on it.

--Watching her body thrust about in the current he still fought with the urge to save her. As his will weakened and he thought to save her, the water in the room disappeared into thin air and Zero fell out of his form and onto his knees.

The first dashed quote is an example of how long you write some of your sentences. I see that there are enough commas thrown in to help break it up, but I remember learning in school that, basically, once a sentence reaches a certain length, no amount of commas will fix it. Break up larger sentences into smaller ones for a better flow. And the bolded words is an example of your use of repetitiveness, I found a couple throughout your piece.

And I can see how the readers would have already had an idea of what each character that Zero would run into would look like, but that doesn't mean you can't go into detail on describing their looks. Little to no (none at all, if I think about) descriptions on appearance were given, including Life who is a character in Zero's story, and that's kind of disappointing... and also kind of lazy.

Good stuff? Despite the long sentences and repeated words, I had no trouble understanding your tournament entry as well. I think the flow from beginning to end was great; different settings, different actions, different people, all spread out smoothly to keep the readers refreshed. I liked how it started off where round one ended, pretty much like a continuation, and how you were able to throw in additions to not only Zero's main plot, but also to S.E.E.S. and Observer Protocol, two story-based clans in the wRHG. The length of the actual battle was short in comparison to the whole entry, but detailed nicely.

I was able to point out a few ironies, and they were really good. And like always, your stories have a good amount of humor, some hidden and some obvious, that I really appreciate. Especially with the word variety you use. If I had to, I would say that your vocabulary variety is better than Lobotomizer's. But if I'm being brutally honest, I don't think your ironies hold a candle to his.

You both are great writers, and this matchup was not fair. You both deserve to make it to the next round. My vote?... It goes to Lobotomizer. The Irony and Fight scene were superior in my opinion, and in terms of who deserves to go on, the scale tips in his favor.

You guys are great writers, and I can't wait to see what more you put out. ^_^

Ah, I was waiting for someone to pick apart my piece a bit. I appreciate any other CnC I have gotten, but I was awaiting one (maybe two or seven) of this caliber. In regards to some of my lengthy sentences, I typically try to eliminate such faults in my edits but it appears that my edits were lacking slightly for this piece; that, in itself, may be a heavy contributor to the choppiness of my entry. Also It didn't hit me until nearly thirty minutes after I posted it that I had little to no descriptions of the other characters. Haha! I guess I assumed that anyone who followed these tourney pieces knew who the characters were, and I subconsciously deemed it unnecessary to once again describe these characters; although laziness is a very plausible excuse as well. :p

Thank you for giving me something to look over and discuss in slights Night.

Well! I'm finally sober enough to post my own CnC. Or maybe just comments, because I really haven't much to say.

Let's start by a rare compliment from me: This story is, without a doubt, quite well done. I'm afraid I can't put it into words properly, but it seems that you have a good balance of each aspect of the story, from humor to battle to interactions. There isn't an excessive amount seasoning or steak; it's just about the right amount.

Like what Nightlock said, there are plenty of good, fleshy bits that turn up throughout the story to keep it interesting the whole way. Unfortunately, the meeting with Acel fell short. That is, her purpose was almost solely for allowing Zero to regain his own ability. The reason was that the interaction was brief with Acel disappearing once they'd finished the switch, and seemed to achieve little result other than the aforementioned purpose. Paired by the fact that you've done little to elaborate on Acel's appearance, intentionally or unintentionally, made me feel as though you really wanted to get that event out of the way and continue to the beefy parts. In my opinion, that might have hurt your depiction for the condition stated in the hard ante. As I've said, that is not for me to judge, but I do believe that it has also made your story just a tad weaker.

In all honesty, I'm not too happy about the battle. It's not much in comparison to the rest of the story. This is subject to opinion of course, but I had viewed each event (excluding the first chapter with Life) to be leading up to the battle and for it to end so quickly was a bit of a disappointment. In addition, I feel as though Kalena was fighting a little too recklessly for someone of her caliber. Maybe it's just me.

Finally, I believe there was much more you could have done to convey emotions, especially between Zero and Life. You could have talked about how their tone sounded, actions, gestures that they would make that would show how they feel rather than outright saying it. Show, not tell. You've done a decent job, but I believe you can do better than this.

I'll be honest here, I'm surprised I've garnered so many votes despite your work being fairly up to par. I know I've made plenty of mistakes, some of which have been pointed out by others, and all of that has made my own story weaker than it should be, and from all this I'm almost compelled to feel that it should have been a more close battle. Regardless of which, it's a good entry, better than half of those on the current round two, even.

I would like to thank you Lobo, first of all, for those kind words. I do agree with the comments you have made relating to my piece and I can't help but sense some sort of disappointment in your tone...or maybe I'm just imagining it. I wasn't happy with the battle either. In my day to day writings that I scribble down on paper or type in a blank document, I typically don't portray much more than...well...if anyone has glanced at my piece in Original Literature then that's what I typically do. Fights are something else entirely to me and I am writing in this forum solely to increase my abilities to describe intense battles, and to make a few friends along the way.

I've given my initial comments on your entry as well, but with the recent CnC given to you, I'm afraid I cannot say more without droning on about the same points. I hope that when next our pens are turned against one another, I may offer up a piece which you would bow down to. :p

I'm sure I said I'd comment here ages ago Dx I'll keep that promise at least, a shame I've been too busy to get round to the others before today though. Let's see what I can manage in a couple hours.

Like others said, this was a really close one. Lobotomizer's prose was flawless, save for the the few sentences Nightlock pulled out; Blakphoenix's wasn't quite as consistent with wording, but I found xis storytelling to be much clearer to visualise, enough to even the score. Neither were lacking in either aspect, just they really shined in their respective pieces xP.
As for the stories themselves, Lobo's was pretty entertaining - almost a given since I'm much more drawn towards lengthy fight scenes. Overlapping two of them was only a bonus, and neither were made too confusing either. The ending twist was completely welcome despite its cheesiness, and I feel it rounded off the story well. Blak's aimed to entertain more through dialogue than action, and certainly succeeded, only it did result in a fight that felt lackluster compared to it. The ending was just as impacting, but a more elaborate climax would've made all the difference.
These comments are a little vague, but consider them my personal comments - as far as CnC goes, I feel Nightlock covered about all of what I picked up on and more. My vote's on Lobo, though again both were real impressive reads x).