The Absence of Warmth
Started by: Nikx232 | Replies: 6 | Views: 515
Nikx2322Posts: 1,695
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10
View Profile This piece of writing was purely written out of inspiration (and my own amusement) in response to BoomerangReturns'
The Unknown Pain.
Feel free to read and critique as you like.
Hope you enjoy~
A young girl wearing a pair of pink shoes and plaided skirt walked beneath the night sky into the park as she sat down at one of the benches. She had not seen the boy, for he was on the opposite end of the park, blocked by the large oak tree in the center. White breath escaped her lips as she tried to warm her hands, tucking them into her arms and pulling her scarf tighter around her neck.
She slipped her hand into her pocket slowly and carefully, only wincing at the sudden iciness that her phone had accumulated. If only it could stay warm instead of her having to heated it with her own hands, but it was a minor nuisance.
Her fingers rapidly dialed a number on her phone as she held it up to her ear and waited patiently. A faint tune would filled the air beneath the tall oak tree in the center of the park, but she would not be able to hear it. She was simply too far away. Again she would dial and again, but no one would answer the call and she would not hear the tune.
She clicked the phone shut and stowed her phone in her pocket as she rose to leave the park, she had spent enough time as it was. The small tapping of her shoes would slowly fade away and come to a stop altogether as she exited the gate of the park pulling out a small scrap of yellow paper. Crudely written words were scrawled upon it, but it was those words that had brought her here.
A small gust of wind blew past her, taking the note from her hands and into the air. The girl took a few steps to chase after the note, but hesitantly stopped. There was no need to chase after the note. It probably wasn't meant for her in the first place.
The young girl slowly walked home with a heavy heart and the absence of warmth.
Damian2Posts: 5,026
Joined: Feb 2013
Rep: 10
View Profile I like how at the end the absence of warmth can both refer to the cold and the how the girl feels in the situation(absence of warmth in a person's heart). Another thing, you typed 'would filled' but, that would be 'would fill', mmk? Good luck on future writing, mate!
Nikx2322Posts: 1,695
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10
View Profile gahhhh I missed that xD
Oh well, I should check more thoroughly next time. :U
Thanks for the complement and I'm glad you enjoyed it~!
Boomerang2Posts: 4,045
Joined: Jun 2013
Rep: 10
View Profile I really liked this. Short, but still very emotional in the eyes of the girl
ErrorBlender2Posts: 4,399
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10
View Profile The mere coincidence that I had this song playing while I was reading this made the short so much more than it is. Not to say that the piece isn't good alone. It is. The song amplified it. :)
WoodKid - I Love You
Anyway, I liked the piece. Good work, dude. I'd like to see a bit more on this. If there will be.
Nikx2322Posts: 1,695
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10
View Profile Thanks, but probably not going to expand anymore on this one. I made this piece on the fly almost like a response in a story like setting under 5 minutes (?) It took a pretty short time to write it.
The true credit should go to Boom who wrote his piece and inspired me as I read his piece on one of my breaks. I read stuff that comes in or is suggested to me and this one just happened to catch my attention.
Damian2Posts: 5,026
Joined: Feb 2013
Rep: 10
View Profile Yeah, you should just leave it as it is and not expand. It works that way.