I started to write a story of Ruben, a character in my universe, starting from now.
This isn't finished, but you can still comment and critique (actually it's highly appreciated)

Alright, to begin with, I usually begin by opening all the spoilers to see what I'm dealing with, starting with the bottom so I can just see what happens to my scrolly bar. Why does "Chapter 2" possibly need to be here? That's like a bullet to the knee of this story, especially because the second sentence isn't even finished. Don't get me wrong, when I'm making a story, sure, I'll leave a sentence unfinished and walk away, but not for the world to see. That's where I'm at, and where I'll pick up. Here, I'm just wondering if this is just going to die with "The desert" with no closure at all whatsoever. Chapters are the promise of more to come. Incomplete chapters are a tombstone. Honestly, you might just want to scrap your sentence and a fragment here until you've actually got the rest of it. If you can't tell, that irks me, and it makes me look for things to dislike.

With that in mind, take this with a grain of salt.

You practically open with your barriers are weakening and that you have a sword and some strange handle that I never found out what it was. People don't always assume magic, so if it takes you three paragraphs to go "Hey! I'm not actually behind cover!" our entire setting is shot. Also, you've got some comma problems and missing words. Commas make pauses, so if you use one make, sure the pause makes sense. That sounded weird, didn't it? Watch out for that sort of thing, it hurts a story.

Another thing that gets painful after a while is repeated words. It's a knife in the back of the flow you're aiming for.

"Ruben!", a voice, raking out the silence of the town.
The brown haired warrior, listening the voice, started to shift his attention.
Lay beside him was a man, a heartless man, clasping his chest.
He started to puff and swallow, as his heart stopped in a gesture.
Fate has already been sealed, for his beat has been crushed with a fist.

Walking slowly to the voice, he put back his scimitar, as he make a last turn to see the dead.

Additionally, when you use words that put thing in regards to other things, like lying beside someone, assumption is that both people are lying down. If this isn't the case, you can show contrast by having it be next to a certain part of a person, or by just stating it.

"Ruben!", a voice, raking out the silence of the town.
The brown haired warrior, listening the shriek, started to shift his attention.
Lying beside his filthy shoes was a man, a heartless man, clasping his chest.
He started to puff and swallow, as his heart stopped in a gesture.
Fate had already been sealed, for his beat has been crushed with a fist.

Walking slowly to the screamer, he put back his scimitar as he made a last turn to see the dead.

Additionally, in this scene again my setting is shot. A man is dead, and another places their hand on the ground and throws something on him. Dirt? Alright, their outside. But then suddenly the woman's doing the dishes. You don't necessarily have to start off with the setting, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't hint at it.

Lying beside his filthy shoes on the tiled floor was a man, a heartless man, clasping his chest.

Another thing is if you have a blatant bias between how characters are portrayed, it can make your narrator sound like a prick. Especially if the bias is in favor of the guy who seems to have many more flaws.

Mom:
"Annoying"
"Complains"

Son:
Presumably killed someone in their house
Kicks up dust everywhere
Knocks mom out suddenly
Does not respect parents

Between the two, the kid diffidently doesn't sound like the hero, and if you were wondering about how there's a bias:

He almost felt sorry to his annoying mother.

That's clearly the narrator's opinion, even though I never saw anything 'annoying' about her. Also, when you kill someone in the kitchen, you're parents are allowed to complain. It's a rule.

If you want a dirt baggy narrator, that's fine, but you need to figure out how to do it without having it irritate your readers. Where it's currently at, I have a protagonist I don't particularly like and a narrator I don't exactly want to hear from.

Maybe that's just because of what you claim to be Chapter 2 is though. I don't know.

Just my two cents.

My good sir, I think Crank has given you the right advice.

Only things I can really add is that the prologue was in first person, wasn't exactly sure what was going on, but I was with you. Chapter one, narration was a bit jerky. I wasn't sure where I was half the time and when I finally got an idea, something throws me off.

I like the idea. There is potential here, but its rough. Take a whet stone to this blade and it will become a broadsword of note.

Adieu.

I'll say, this is my rough draft (actually, semi-rough), but there's a lot of critical comment.
Crank, your truthful words penetrate my delicate heart.

Makes me wanna scream "Thanks for the critique."

But seriously, I SEE THE PROBLEM now.
Thanks Crank.

Saul, my blade is still rusty, cause I have vanished for 6 months (Ask Gamer for details).
But overall, thank you guys.
I will fix it once I get the chance.