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The Clockwork Henry

Started by: TopHat | Replies: 4 | Views: 969

TopHat

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Dec 1, 2013 9:40 PM #1117281
Name: Arthur Madison

Height: 6’8”

Appearance (Click to Show)


Personality (Click to Show)


Abilities (Click to Show)



Weaknesses (Click to Show)


Backstory (Click to Show)


Demo (Click to Show)



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Battles fought = 0

Battles won/drawn/lost = 0/0/0


AVAILABLE
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Hey guys, I'm glad to say I've returned to writing once again after a long hiatus! To celebrate my return I deleted my old, bland character Praetorian and replaced him with a slightly less bland character, Clockwork Henry! Comment and critique would be greatly appreciated!

Oh and by the way, this is Loki. I just had problems with my old account. Problems such as "I'm an idiot who doesn't remember his password" and "I'm a tool who doesn't remember what his email is".
Triss
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Dec 2, 2013 1:24 PM #1117608
I can't say this is "great" or "bad". But I could say this is good.
Perhaps the problem in your writing lays the fact that some words break the atmosphere of the story.
Especially some one-liner are unfit to the atmosphere, combo-breaking them like a chainsaw.

It makes me, unpleasant.

But no worries, and good luck in writing, old pal!
Wyrmspawn
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Dec 2, 2013 2:13 PM #1117618
On the contrary, Triss, I find his style a lot like mine... with those words in between, you are forced to stop and actually consider what is being written, thus cranking up the tension.

Edit: Although I must agree that there are some places where the words don't seem quite right... I don't know why, but they just are that way. Still, there's no problem with your writing style in general. good luck and have fun on the forums.
Triss
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Dec 2, 2013 2:24 PM #1117622
Quote from Wyrmspawn
On the contrary, Triss, I find his style a lot like mine... with those words in between, you are forced to stop and actually consider what is being written, thus cranking up the tension.

Edit: Although I must agree that there are some places where the words don't seem quite right... I don't know why, but they just are that way. Still, there's no problem with your writing style in general. good luck and have fun on the forums.

That's my point. There are spaces where I felt wrong, so I thought it's because of the words, or a stop beat.
Well, his writing is skills is good though.
TopHat

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Dec 2, 2013 4:38 PM #1117674
Thanks guys, I appreciate the comments and I'll work on making the words fit a little bit more but I was sort of going for an artificial sense that something just wasn't quite right about what was happening in the story. That we weren't seeing exactly what was going on, which I tried to show off the most in the little bit of dialogue.

But thanks for the advice :)
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