Guys I need your feedback. So as some of you know I got promoted at my job recently. Since then, everyone has been acting like total assholes to me, talking about how I'm too young and don't deserve it, ect.

There's this one guy in particular, Jammal, who feeds so much off of negativity, he will stand in a room full of employees just bashing whatever he can and ranting about my general manager Lisa, who I really like and respect. He will pounce on new employees to tell them how terrible the work place is and how he has no respect for management. Recently, I have been wanting to talk to Lisa about what's been going on because I don't think it's right of him to be doing that shit. It really adds so much negativity and I felt she deserved to know what's being said.

I had been close to Jammal for about a year, and began overhearing some of the things he was saying about me. And he would tell my personal information to others and all of that. When I realized this was happening, I wasn't surprised since he does that to everyone else. But I kept him at arm's length and kept things strictly professional. Eventually I let down my guard and started being more personal with him but with this new promotion, he's been talking about how I don't deserve it and everything. Two days ago, I vented to a coworker that I was close to about everything that's been going on, and of course that was a mistake cause he went to Jammal and told him the things I'd said. Jammal of course is accusing *me* now of being a gossiper because I confided in my coworker. Which is not true. I am known for being fair and trustworthy. Now, I'm sure he is going to go to Lisa with some bullshit story about how I'm spreading slander about him.

I had planned to talk to Lisa originally about the things he was saying about her. I was gonna do this on Monday. But I know Jammal is going to go to her and complain about me, and it's gonna look like I'm having this discussion with Lisa because of the personal things that are going on with Jammal instead of the good intentions I had to begin with. If that makes sense? I'm worried that this might mess up the new promotion and I'm also upset of having lost my close work friends because of jealousy and stupidity.

How should I handle this??

About the promotions, just prove that you actually worth it for the job. Make everyone respect you and your opinions.

For now? Just talk to Lisa, and I think she's going to understand you. Beside, Jamal has bashed her, right? I don't think she would put him in "Good Boy" list. Give details to what happened, from start to the end. Also tell her that you don't spread it to many people, you just spread it on one particular person.

And I think you should confront Jamal and ask, why does he keep bothering you? What's his problem with you?

Sorry if I misunderstood, but promotion means that you're like their boss now, right?

·Friends are not friends:
Nowadays friend is a light word. You can think good of someone, want to help him, be interested in his feeling and all those nice stuff, but know, he's not your friend and you're not his. Even if he feels all the nice things for you too.
I really hope you learn to distinguish friends from get-along-people or w/e. If you haven't, its easy. No one is.

·Is he a friend or is he a coworker?:
If he were a friend this wouldn't have happened and you'd be able to confront him yourself. In case he's not your friend, confront him yourself.
If you're not the kind of person that can face someone and say what you think then I don't think you're right for a leadership position.

I suggest you organize a meeting involving Lisa, Jammal and yourself. Lisa would act as a judge or something.
Let him explain his side of the story and, I'm not going to say respect his view, but stay quiet while he speaks.
When he's over, explain your side. Don't let out how you hesitated going there in the first place because it could look like a personal matter.
This is a fair way to go. Odds are Lisa will find the whole thing very childish, but your initiative to resolve the issue [Remember you're not bashing someone who previously bashed you. You're solving an issue.] will stay with her as a mature and fair image.
Don't focus your story on how he bashed or spoke ill of you, but on how his attitude is bad for the work environment and people's integrity. Do mention his ill speakings though.
If you're trustworthy as you say she'll believe you.

Let us know how it all goes :)

You don't really have to tell Lisa the things Jamal said if you think it'll hurt her or make her think you're attempting to win her over. Instead if you and her are good friends, when you and her are in a calm appropriate environment and the topic comes up you should just casually and comfortably talk about how you and Jamal were closer but you thought it best to keep some distance after you over heard things he was saying about you and other people. Make sure to put emphasis on anything he's said about people who aren't you that she's seen him talking about to help her put it in perspective. Let her know you don't like the way he talks about people behind their back. Then she'll start thinking about it, it'll be her idea, not yours.

Edit: If she becomes immediately fascinated with the idea and asks you about the things he's said then let her know that they're not very nice and see if she affirms that she wants to know. Then tell her, your bond will be stronger than ever.

You may try confronting Jamal and letting him know you don't really approve of the things you've heard him say about you behind your back.

Keep in mind you're a beautiful young woman and so you probably don't actually deserve your promotion.
Generally speaking you shouldn't participate in this faggy work drama if it'll put your new promotion in jeopardy. if you believe you worked hard for the promotion got, then why does what they think even matter? Words won't prove them wrong, you will.

You're better than being sucked into their bullshit.

in my perspective, this is basically a case of a guy attacking your ego. when this happens, you have two options: either defend your ego, or stop having an ego to defend.

i would simply
1) avoid caring what he thinks; from what i've heard, his opinion of people isn't worth much. why should what he's saying about you bother you? it's extremely unlikely that you're the only person who's noticed what kind of guy he is, and anybody who listens to him instead of learning about people in their own experience isn't worth much of your respect either. he's just a sad, bored man who is buttmad that you got promoted and he didn't. what of it?
2) avoid getting personally involved. the nature of the situation as it relates to you is such that you basically have to sink to his level in order to do anything about it - that is, go and tell somebody else stories about what he's been doing. going to a co-worker and saying "jamal's been going around telling people derogatory things about his co-workers! can you believe this guy?" is basically hypocrisy (and can easily be used as ammunition against you) and probably exactly the kind of drama he's after.
3) approach the issue in a professional manner. don't lower yourself to the level of workplace politics. is this about you and your ego? or is this about a guy in your workplace who has a negative attitude that affects everybody in it and undermines the authority of the higher-ups? which of these cases do you think your boss will care more about?

Moral of the story: Around blacks- never relax.

I think Lisa knows what's going on. You can't be a manager and miss that one of your coworkers is a total asshole.
If you just tell her your side of this whole bullshit, she'll probably understand.

Thanks for everything guys!

Quote from Hidro

Sorry if I misunderstood, but promotion means that you're like their boss now, right?

No, I'm just a step higher than him now. Lisa is the boss.

Quote from Jutsu

You don't really have to tell Lisa the things Jamal said if you think it'll hurt her or make her think you're attempting to win her over. Instead if you and her are good friends, when you and her are in a calm appropriate environment and the topic comes up you should just casually and comfortably talk about how you and Jamal were closer but you thought it best to keep some distance after you over heard things he was saying about you and other people. Make sure to put emphasis on anything he's said about people who aren't you that she's seen him talking about to help her put it in perspective. Let her know you don't like the way he talks about people behind their back. Then she'll start thinking about it, it'll be her idea, not yours.

Edit: If she becomes immediately fascinated with the idea and asks you about the things he's said then let her know that they're not very nice and see if she affirms that she wants to know. Then tell her, your bond will be stronger than ever.

You may try confronting Jamal and letting him know you don't really approve of the things you've heard him say about you behind your back.

Keep in mind you're a beautiful young woman and so you probably don't actually deserve your promotion.
Generally speaking you shouldn't participate in this faggy work drama if it'll put your new promotion in jeopardy. if you believe you worked hard for the promotion got, then why does what they think even matter? Words won't prove them wrong, you will.

You're better than being sucked into their bullshit.

I wasn't going to go into detail but the only reason I was gonna talk about it with her is because I think it really damages the overall moral, especially when approaching new employees. And of course I deserve my promotion! I work at a hotel and I work really hard and the guests love me. But yeah I really wish I could go back in time and just not participate in that bullshit drama. I don't know why I did. It's so stupid. I should have just not said anything to my friend and that would be it.

Quote from Scarecrow

in my perspective, this is basically a case of a guy attacking your ego. when this happens, you have two options: either defend your ego, or stop having an ego to defend.

i would simply
1) avoid caring what he thinks; from what i've heard, his opinion of people isn't worth much. why should what he's saying about you bother you? it's extremely unlikely that you're the only person who's noticed what kind of guy he is, and anybody who listens to him instead of learning about people in their own experience isn't worth much of your respect either. he's just a sad, bored man who is buttmad that you got promoted and he didn't. what of it?
2) avoid getting personally involved. the nature of the situation as it relates to you is such that you basically have to sink to his level in order to do anything about it - that is, go and tell somebody else stories about what he's been doing. going to a co-worker and saying "jamal's been going around telling people derogatory things about his co-workers! can you believe this guy?" is basically hypocrisy (and can easily be used as ammunition against you) and probably exactly the kind of drama he's after.
3) approach the issue in a professional manner. don't lower yourself to the level of workplace politics. is this about you and your ego? or is this about a guy in your workplace who has a negative attitude that affects everybody in it and undermines the authority of the higher-ups? which of these cases do you think your boss will care more about?

Yeah I shouldn't have let it get to my ego, cause that fucked everything else up and now I come across as petty. But now I can't address the issue of the negativity that he's spreading, without also going into the retarded "drama" with he and I. Because he's definitely gonna go to her about it. And then if I leave that out, it's gonna make me look like I'm just ratting on him for personal reasons. So I feel like I have to say something about it.


And yeah Gyo, I feel she must have some idea but not the full extent.

I think you should give him an ultimatum.
Follow Jon Snows example, if Jamal doesn't show you the respect you deserve, chop off his head with a bastard sword.

Quote from Firefly

I wasn't going to go into detail but the only reason I was gonna talk about it with her is because I think it really damages the overall moral, especially when approaching new employees. And of course I deserve my promotion! I work at a hotel and I work really hard and the guests love me. But yeah I really wish I could go back in time and just not participate in that bullshit drama. I don't know why I did. It's so stupid. I should have just not said anything to my friend and that would be it.

Confiding in your co-workers is alright, people do it all the time. Now, the person going and telling Mr. A-hole about it is freaking weird and makes me wonder about this person and why you decided to talk to them.

Anyway, if the guy is a major idiot, mention it to Lisa but, try to keep it professional and stay away from office drama, aye? Don't get too bothered about things, either.



Here's something for ya, Lauren!