Friday Funk #2: Fallen Kingdom

Started by: acutelatios | Replies: 14 | Views: 2,466

acutelatios
Moderator
2

Posts: 1,009
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 24, 2014 6:47 AM #1145934
Hiya guys, sorry for the late installment of the Friday Funk~! I've no excuse not to have posted this last week, besides recuperating from sunburns and camp but let's keep this thing going from now on shall we~?

Also if you have no idea of what the Friday Funk is then simply it's a sort of weekly, or biweekly (it depends really) event that gives you an activity to accomplish until the next or next, next Friday or whenever the next Friday Funk thread is posted. Just to help you along the road to be a better writer or keep your writing skills nice and sharp when you're not busy writing anything. The activity could be a single word, a phrase, a theme or an established setting, and you must write it, finish it and post it here. Though if you haven't finished it until then, you're more than welcome to still submit it here.

Comments and Criticism is also encouraged since as a community it's our job to support and give some feedback to one another. It doesn't matter if you're just lurking, not participating or passing by, all opinions are welcomed here. As long as you're respectful and well-mannered of course~

Anyways on to the activity this Friday~

Fallen Kingdom (Click to Show)


This story will be due on the 31st of January, however you if the next FF thread hasn't been posted then you still have time. Remember when posting your story here that you make sure to place it in a spoiler to avoid big posts.

Merry writing everyone~! Oh and anyone would like to submit a subject for the FFs then you're more than welcome to send them to me via Private Message~

o w o
GuardianTempest
2

Posts: 3,052
Joined: Apr 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 24, 2014 7:11 AM #1145937
Sorry for not participating last week's FF, I couldn't think of anything for the theme but for this one I'm sure I have something.

Count me in.
ErrorBlender
2

Posts: 4,399
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 24, 2014 9:11 AM #1145956
I'm joining in the festivities. :D
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 25, 2014 3:59 AM #1146320
The Hard Truth (Click to Show)
acutelatios
Moderator
2

Posts: 1,009
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 25, 2014 5:06 AM #1146362
Short but sweet, this is a wonderful piece that I enjoyed, which isn't a surprise since I always love your stories haha~

The story started with a great hook. It built up the gloomy and solemn setting to it as the character's kingdom was falling to the Madness. I liked the feelings and thoughts of pain, hopelessness and guilt as we walked with the king when we went along with story, how his hopes for the future was crushed by the war when you gave a little backstory for the unfortunate downfall.

However~just somethings that I wanted to mention were that there were some sentences in the story that were worded weirdly. The first one that I encountered was:
Quote from Cranky
The textured bubbles were cool to the touch from the wine’s chill, but the golden handle was almost frighteningly so


For me that sort of pulled me away from the tale 'cause I had trouble in visualizing it. I don't really know where the golden handle came from since a wine glass in usually just made of well...glass, but I just rolled with it and thought that it was gilded or something. Still it bothered me for a bit haha~There were others as well, like his statement of their faith on him being misplaced, which also took me out for a bit to realize that he was talking about it. Though it's all pretty minor, a read and think over will be enough.

Overall it was an entertaining read that I really enjoyed~
Thanks for sharing bro~
o w o
Azure
Moderator
2

Posts: 8,579
Joined: Jan 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 27, 2014 3:09 AM #1147333
A bit of insight before you read (Click to Show)

Fall of Luxmort (Click to Show)
SJCRPV
2

Posts: 452
Joined: Oct 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 30, 2014 1:31 AM #1149126
I played way too much Europa Universalis to not have inspiration for this : P

Just a couple of notes:
Imagine the New World as it is in real life.
All names of locations beyond that were made up.

So young (Click to Show)
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jan 31, 2014 7:11 PM #1150548
acutelatios:
First of all, thank you for the CnC, I greatly appreciate it and I'll be looking out for weird wordings in the future!

Azure:
Fall of Luxmort (Click to Show)


SJCRPV:
So Young (Click to Show)
iarentevil
2

Posts: 1,146
Joined: Nov 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Feb 1, 2014 4:04 AM #1150702
I will be a part of this FF.
Keep in mind that I never write in first person, so some of the sentences may be worded strangely.
It is also extremely dark.
It's also kind of short.

How could this happen? (Click to Show)
GuardianTempest
2

Posts: 3,052
Joined: Apr 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Feb 1, 2014 10:49 AM #1150908
Oh no there's no way I'll fail my promise. However, like iarentevil, I'm not accustomed to writing in direct first person especially with this kind of premise.

Goblin Shenanigans (Click to Show)

This came out very differently from what I had in mind.
ErrorBlender
2

Posts: 4,399
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Feb 1, 2014 7:00 PM #1151093
Fallen Kingdom (Click to Show)


Crank, you did a nice and short piece. I liked how brief it was since the end was very much close with him. Great piece. :D

Azure Kite, your piece gripped my attention well. I loved how the kingdom was ripped apart from within. An unconquerable city crushed from within. His monologue as well as the appearance of Skulker further entwined my head into the story and I had really wanted to dwell further into the past to see each of the events that caused the fall of Luxmort.

SJCRPV, I found yours a confusing due to the usage of dashes instead of quotes. Other than that, the story was great. Coup de etat and you showed it well, nice :D.

iarentevil, your piece had one of the most surprising twists so far in the FF. Really. Though similar to SJCRPV's [or the other way around if I had read yours first], you had your own way. Yours was a bit darker as you said, greed consumed the king and he had to pay for it. I liked how it ended though the battle was anti-climactic, I found it fitting for the piece. Good job. :)

GuardianTempest, your story was different from the above. Instead of the usual grim fate of kingdoms falling around them, you chose a goblin tribe that had a leader that was okay even if everything was gone around him as long as he was king. I'm wondering though at why the dragon simply leaved, was it because the giant was approaching? The end of his kingdom was funny indeed, it left a smile as I type this comment.
Hewitt

Posts: 14,256
Joined: Jul 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Feb 10, 2014 9:39 AM #1155903
Downsizing (Click to Show)
SaulMurphy
2

Posts: 290
Joined: Oct 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Apr 5, 2014 1:09 PM #1184134
Finally I participate in this old'e FF. Hope I can still get some critique.

the Way (Click to Show)
Hewitt

Posts: 14,256
Joined: Jul 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Nov 18, 2014 3:39 AM #1270208
Read Chapter 1 Here

The story continues...

Chapter 2: Original Sin (Click to Show)
TwitchyPidge
2

Posts: 43
Joined: Dec 2013
Rep: 10

View Profile
Jun 24, 2015 1:24 AM #1375503
So, here we go. I went with something on the side of fantasy. Please to CnC~

The Fae (Click to Show)