Hey guys. I know I haven't posted here in forever, but my book is nearly finished. I posted another scene here a couple of months ago, and one post in particular gave me some downright awesome advice to use to improve myself.
See, this book is nearly finished. I'm gonna be proofreading the hell out of it soon, so I would really love any kind of feedback or advice you guys have :). Any little bit of it would be incredibly helpful. I'll take it all seriously and use it the best I can.
I apologize for how long this scene is. There's so much I want to show you guys, but out of an entire novel this is still so little. I had to make do.
[spoiler=An out of context scene][SIZE=2][font]The Duke waited patiently for his servan[/font]t to finish pouring the steaming hot water, while Arthur fidgeted a bit uncomfortably, not sure if he was supposed to speak or not. He decided to go with the safer side of silence as Elijah thanked his server politely, and poured a single drop of what looked like a small, glowing kind of honey into his tea, which spread throughout the liquid and gave it a soft light that somehow looked delicious. It wasn’t until the servant had left and Elijah took his first sip that he finally decided to speak. “I can tell from the look of you that you’re still being treated rather rudely.” He said simply.

Unsure of what to give for an answer, Arthur simply nodded.

“It’s such a shame, you know. You should be seen as a blessing to Felicita! Not as a…” He gave a barely-visible shrug. “I apologize for the lack of a better word, but as an abomination.” He leaned forward and placed a surprisingly strong hand on the boy’s shoulders. “I promise to you that I will work to see that this is changed one day. All I ask of you until then is to stay with me. You will always find safety within the walls of my home, and I only seek to help you reach inside of yourself and harness the potential you know you have inside of you.”

At that, Arthur felt a warmth inside of himself. “That doesn’t sound so bad, Mr. Arenth.” He said, failing to suppress his smile as he tried to stay professional for the Duke. Elijah didn’t know how badly he needed to hear words like that sometimes, among a sea of unkindness and resentment. “Working with you is a lot better that where I could be otherwise. I don’t think I would be getting treated very well as a slave, either.”

The nobleman produced a ghost of a smile. “No one can question your logic, at least. Now, would you like to hear what it is that I brought you all the way here to tell you?”

Curious, the apprentice nodded.

“I first must explain something to you. Lately, the goddess of life has been… absent. No one knows why she has disappeared, but the common belief is that it has something to do with the Almighty One. Some say she is being replaced, others say he is simply taking her on some sort of journey through Varstele. But the fact of the matter is that for now, she is gone.” Arthur frowned at that, deeply troubled.

“A few days ago, I accidentally discovered something extremely disturbing.” The Duke continued. “The land of Fire has somehow learned of Life’s absence, and even now they conspire against us. There exists a group within Fervia which intends to commit blasphemy of the highest degree. I’m still unsure of who this group is, or of their whereabouts, but I do know that they plan to come to our city. And when they get here, a girl will come before the Citadel bearing all the markings of a deity, and she will attempt to convince our people that she is the goddess of Life.”

Arthur was appalled. “What? That’s unthinkable! How would someone even accomplish such a thing?”

“They have tricks with them that will convince even the most devout of believers.” Elijah told him gravely. “This girl, she is a very powerful magician of Life. She is a traitor to us! And through a process that must have taken generations to accomplish, she has learned how to bring to life a Lovebearer tree.” Elijah pounded a fist on the table, so much that the thought sickened him. “It’s not a real one, mind you. But it’s so close to the real thing that it’s nigh-impossible to tell the difference between the two. The idiots that somehow run Felicita will eat it all up like hungry dogs… and that’s not the end of it.”

The boy already had a dozen questions, but he stifled them for now. “What? What else is there?”

“They are going to try and tell us that Incinerus has murdered our goddess! Her true form! And that the girl who stands before them is all that remains of her. Do you know what this means?”

Bewildered now, Arthur only waited for his master to continue.

“It means that there will be an outcry in both Calora and Varstele. If it becomes belief that Incinerus has attempted to destroy Life, every man on the planet will want his blood. War will be waged, and every nation in the land will do their damnedest to tear down the Fire Citadel and scream for Incinerus to be put to justice. This war will be one unlike one we’ve ever seen before, and things will only continue to spiral out of control in the aftermath.”

“That is simply awful.” He couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. “How many people know about this? Surely, there has to be something they can do.”

“Ah, now you see my problem here. I may be the only man in all of Calora who knows about this plot. I do not dare to spread the word of it until necessary, because if even a few men believe that this girl is truly Life—and it’s not unlikely, with the goddess’s absence—that would plant a very dangerous seed within our people. We cannot let it grow at any cost. But… that does not change the fact that I can’t do this alone. I need your help, Arthur.”

Could that be true? Arthur knew that he would jump at the chance to aid Elijah, no matter what he asked. It was the least he could do in return for what the Duke had done for him. “Just say it. What can I do to help you?”

Elijah actually smiled. “That makes me very happy to hear.” He stood up, and slowly started to pace around the room. “This blasphemous woman is going to have a guard around her. I do not know the size, but I know that they will all be powerful magicians, possibly from a variety of different lands, using many different elements.” The Duke swung around, and walked until he stood directly in front of his apprentice. “I need you to counter them, Arthur. All of them. I do not ask you to fight, I can do that much alone. But you… You alone have the ability to command all eight of the elements at once! Douse their fire with water, shine light on their shadows, set their plants aflame. Make their magic useless! And with your help, I will kill every one of these blasphemous creatures by my own hands.” Elijah swung back around and threw his hands into the air dramatically. “Afterwards, you and I will be hailed as heroes by all of Felicita. Just imagine it, Arthur! Imagine how the words of those around you will change from contempt to awe. No more will you have to deal with the mockery of these people. They will see how you have the potential to be one of the most powerful magicians Calora has ever seen. There really is no limit on how high you could rise in this world of ours. Can’t you see? This is your chance to become what you deserve to be!” Turning around one last time, facing his apprentice whose eyes were now wide with excitement, hanging onto Elijah’s every word, he asked him, “Will you help me?”

Arthur could not say yes fast enough. Any questions he had in his mind had vanished, and instead there were dreams of him, dressed in the same wonderful robes that Elijah himself wore. He could imagine the sobbing faces of Kalos and the hundred other disgusted faces of the noblemen, all begging for forgiveness for the times they had ever bothered him. He imagined having his very own room up in the Grand Chambers, with wonderful and expensive decoration in every inch of space that they fit, with servants to pour his tea as he looked out from the windows, down into the tiny buildings and people below. The thought of it all just filled him with joy.
But then one troubling thought entered the boy’s mind. “What if I can’t help you well enough, Mr. Arenth?” He asked cautiously. “I know you said my skills are developing so slowly because I have to form a connection to eight elements instead of one, but… I can’t even use the growing sunflowers to get up here. How will I become strong enough to counter the magic of the blasphemers between now and then?”

“You will have to practice every day then.” Elijah told him seriously. “It could be weeks, or even a month before I learn where this fake goddess is. But when I do, I will let you know and we will leave to hunt her down with all haste. We cannot let them reach Felicita.

“Frequent use of your magic will cause the connection to grow faster, Arthur, and your power will come to you easier. I want you to practice as much as you can in the coming days, in every spot of free time that you have. Because even a little bit of help will be enough to tip the balance in my favor.” He seemed to notice that his tea was still unfinished, and he sat down once again and picked his cup up between two fingers. “But you never answered my question, boy… Will you help me?”
“Yes!” Arthur almost shouted. “And I’ll practice every day, too. I’m going to surprise you with how much better I get at every element, I know I will.”

Elijah chuckled, but he had a feeling that it wasn’t at his enthusiasm. “Wonderful, my apprentice. Wonderful. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help.” It looked like the Duke was about to say more, but then there was a knock on the door that caught the both of them by surprise. But then Elijah seemed to remember something, and his demeanor changed slightly. “But now… that’s really all I had to tell you today. You are free to do whatever you like until tomorrow.” He said calmly. “It looks like I have other visitors today that demand my attention.”

Knowing that his master would want him to leave, Arthur stood up quickly. “I’ll be back here tomorrow then, Mr. Arenth.” He said enthusiastically, giving a small bow. “Good day to you.”

“And every other day as well.” Elijah finished, a knowing grin on his pale face.

As he left and opened the door politely for whoever stood on the other side, he was greeted by the sight of Captain James Brightton. The side of his face was covered in bandages, but he otherwise looked like he was expecting someone very different than Arthur. “Good day, Captain.” He chirped, bowing politely and continuing on his way. He felt James’s eyes follow him briefly, before he was forgotten and the door to the chambers closed once again.

Arthur was almost bursting with excitement. He knew he probably couldn’t talk about what Elijah told him, but he was excited to see Iago again. He wanted to dance and shout and tell the old man how well his visit with the Duke had went, and that his troubled days might soon be over. He wanted to share his excitement with somebody out there, and he couldn’t just keep it all inside himself.
But when he made his way back to the growing sunflowers, the kind old man was nowhere to be found.

The younger man frowned. That was odd... not a single day had passed where Iago wasn’t here waiting for him after his visits with Elijah. He hoped that nothing bad had happened to his friend. He can’t be too far away. I should really go find him. Arthur thought.
Besides, he certainly did not want to take the stairs back down to the ground.

And so as he turned around, realizing at once that he’d never actually been anywhere on this floor except to Mr. Arenth’s door, he ran directly into the solid frame of Iago.

He fell over backwards in reflex and surprise, suddenly alive with a million things he wanted to say at once. Arthur wanted to apologize and say hello and tell him the good news and a plethora of other things, but before he had the chance to say them, he realized that the Iago did not look like how he used to. His ever-present smile was gone, as was the look of satisfaction of a life well lived.

He realized that the old man looked… not unhappy, but grim. Like an executioner before the day of his job. The sight of it was so troubling that he could not find his voice to speak.

“There is something I need to show you.” Iago uttered. “Do not say a word, and come with me.” And just like that, he quickly turned and began walking away.

Too dumbstruck to do anything else, Arthur followed him.

The two of them walked together, strangely alone in the corridors of Felicita’s most powerful men and women. They passed the doors of Elijah’s chambers, continued to the right, and it was at the very end of that hall when Iago stopped. He gestured for the younger man to come close, pointing at a spot on the left wall that looked no different than any other spot on the whole floor. “Press down on the wall here, Arthur.” He said, serious as ever.

With an eyebrow raised, he reluctantly did what was told of him.

And to his surprise his finger sunk into the wall, pushing a seamless button. Immediately after, so quietly that the boy didn’t realize what had happened until Iago tapped him on the shoulder, a large section of the wall opened up behind him.

“The time has come for me to show you this.” Iago said. “I’ve waited a long time, you know. For the right time to bring you here. You will only be able to enter into that hallway once… just once. And right now more than ever, it’s crucial that you go through those halls.”

Arthur was taken aback by the intensity of his voice. “What are you talking about, Iago? What’s inside of there? What’s even going on?”

“I cannot tell you that.” He answered. “What happens from this point onward is entirely up to you, and the decisions that you make. But you must understand how important it is that you go. You must.”

Nervously, Arthur peered down into the darkness of the open wall. There was light coming in, but he couldn’t tell where it was coming from. “Well… Alright then, I’ll go. Are you going to come with me?”

But when he looked from the opening and back to his right, Iago was nowhere to be found. He had vanished without a trace.
Arthur gulped, his apprehension doubling in on itself. He looked once more to the opening in the wall, with doubts clouding his mind and a million different worries all fighting for his attention.

But then there was a soft rumbling, and with a start the boy realized that the opening in the wall was closing on him. There was an endless, torturous second where he fought with himself, trying to figure out what to do, before with a frustrated groan he ran forward and dived. The top of his head grazed the closing wall as he shot forward, and it wasn’t until the tunnel had descended into darkness when he realized that his toes had missed being crushed by mere inches.

“Oh… bugger.” Arthur moaned to himself. “What am I doing here? What was Iago talking about when he showed me this place? He almost sounded like the world was going to end if I didn’t do this. Now I’m stuck.”

He could suddenly hear the soft sound of a newly-

I opened the spoiler intent on some fine reading and ran straight into a gigantic wall of text. I recommend you put it into paragraphs, or else it just deters people from thumbing through it.

Ah man, you're right. I paragraphed everything, hopefully that helps.

*gasp* My actual NAME is Elijah!

I... am... the evil duke...?