wRHG: Neon

Started by: Miracle | Replies: 10 | Views: 2,048

Miracle
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May 31, 2014 5:46 AM #1200719
Name: Neon

Abilities

Light creation and manipulation. Shoots distinctive energy that gives off different color phases depending on what Neon is using his powers for. Neon uses his abilities, nicknamed Spectrum to accelerate himself, fly, shoot piercing beams, create balls of energy that explode on impact, and slowly heal himself as well as others. Knows the basics of hand to hand combat.

Weaknesses

Besides the powers he has, Neon is a normal human, hits to his vital spots will mortally wound him if not kill him immediately. Most of his spectrum abilities involve his hands and feet, so covering them up with anything that absorbs light would effectively cease his use of powers for the time being. He is an overconfident hot-head, so luring him into traps is fairy easy. To an extent, that is.


Story

Story (Click to Show)

Personality

Personality (Click to Show)
Appearance

Appearance (Click to Show)
Demo~*~

Demo (Click to Show)


Battles: Apocalyptic(Won)
Points: 1/0/0/0
Took me 6 hours to for this. Please compliment my work. XD
acutelatios
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May 31, 2014 10:25 AM #1200776
Well I just want to say welcome to our little community~! Besides that, your character is pretty neat I got to say; an interesting power and rather playful personality that I myself love to write~

Though it'd be a good idea for you to space out your paragraphs for both your Story and Demo since right now it's pretty much a clumped nightmare and it's a little hard and disheartening to try to read when it's all lumped together~~Try to space each dialogue in separate paragraphs and as well your whole story in general.

Besides that I can't wait to see you two in action~
Good luck in future battles~
o w o
Miracle
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May 31, 2014 12:15 PM #1200804
Thanks! I'll shove in some spaces xD
Aquila
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May 31, 2014 12:53 PM #1200821
Reminds me of a rhg fighter... Neon something. But that's not the point, he seems awesome and really fun, glad he's mortal though, if he was made of like some energy i would think that'd be too op lol
Miracle
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May 31, 2014 1:02 PM #1200835
Oh my God, is there an RHG with the same name? He doesn't have light powers too, does he? Crap. And I spend the entire day thinking my character up xD And yeah, reading other OC's and Characters that people make, there is nothing I hate more than an Overpowered character. It makes it hard to want to fight him, unless yours is OP as well.
acutelatios
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May 31, 2014 1:37 PM #1200840
Haha~don't worry dear; you'll be fine~besides, there will always be similarities between characters so no need to worry about much; just stick to your vision about him and you'll be fine~

Also a bit of a tip for dialogue; try to place them in to their separate paragraphs as I mentioned, it makes it easier to see who speaks without getting the readers confused~

Like so, before:
Quote from Miracle
I need to burn something, Drake thought to himself while walking downtown with his friends by his side. He beamed at the thought of leveling at least one block during his mission."I know that look", Jess warned him sternly. "Do anything rash, and I lodge a bullet through your skull." She wrapped her arm around his shoulder to soften the threat a bit, as they were all practically family. "Oooh, can I watch?" Joey laughed. "Jess would murder you, hands down," Dallas chimed in cheerily. "Hey, who leads the entire clan again?" Drake replied with a smirk.



After:
Quote from My Edit
I need to burn something, Drake thought to himself while walking downtown with his friends by his side. He beamed at the thought of leveling at least one block during his mission.

"I know that look", Jess warned him sternly. "Do anything rash, and I lodge a bullet through your skull." She wrapped her arm around his shoulder to soften the threat a bit, as they were all practically family.

"Oooh, can I watch?" Joey laughed.

"Jess would murder you, hands down," Dallas chimed in cheerily.

"Hey, who leads the entire clan again?" Drake replied with a smirk.



Just as simple as that~it looks a bit cleaner really, just a simple tip to remember~
o w o
Miracle
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May 31, 2014 2:35 PM #1200861
I edited it. Thanks! Anything to help improve my writing is highly appreciated!
Aquila
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May 31, 2014 3:21 PM #1200874
Lmfao, you wanna see op? Have you seen solutum? Though he has a pretty heavy weakness.
Oh and if you want to see the rhg dude, who does have light powers sorry to say, go knn youtube and look up jomm, he fights him. But don't worry, think of it this way, grest minds think alike.
acutelatios
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May 31, 2014 3:57 PM #1200883
Quote from Miracle
I edited it. Thanks! Anything to help improve my writing is highly appreciated!


Haha~then don't forget to do it with the rest of your story, not just for that section~
But you're welcome~
o w o
Aquila
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Jun 23, 2014 3:58 AM #1210162
Hey can you tell me the colors of your spectrum, like the colors you use, and what they do.
Geo Bros

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Jun 23, 2014 9:42 PM #1210410
He's sounds amazing, but it would be funny to see him get into a trap involving a blanket.