Stick Page Forums Archive

Yun "The Shadowstriker"

Started by: SubWoofer | Replies: 19 | Views: 3,198

SubWoofer
2

Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 3, 2014 2:51 PM #1239785
Hello everybody, this is my wRHG that i made during the last weeks, i want to say thanks to all those who helped me giving me advices. well i hope you enjoy it and feel free to CnC :).

NOTE: I'm fixing details on the story but everything except that is ready.



Name: Yun "The Shadowstriker"

Battle Style: Ninja/Assassin

Alignment and Morality
Chaotic-Neutral

Neutral: He is not someone that kills
for fun, but when he must fight or kill,
he enjoy it and puts all his efforts to win a fight.

Chaotic: He prefers a battlefield before resting on his bed, when he defeat opponents that couldn't give to Yun an even battle, he kills them without doubting.

He is not at the hunt of killing people, but he enjoys it and is frequent that he kills his opponents, but he respect those fighters that gives him an even battle so he use to spare them their lifes because the unique that he respect from his foes is their fighting skills.


ABILITIES:
-Ninja's Swiftness: He has a great speed on his movements and he has very trained reflexes
-Hide: Able to hide in shadows being practically invisible.
-Natural Agility: Stealth and elusive movements mixed with a great agility and coordination.
-Survivality: Highly trained Senses that makes him able to feel every movement, sound or even smells, his instinct is strong enought to always know what to do and where to go. Also he has advantage in places like mountains, forests and snowy lands.
-BattleMaster: Master of swordsmanship and a skilled martial artist.
-Last Hope: He has an emergency health potion that neutralize poison, stops bleedings and purify physical (but not mental) curses.
-Lure of Darkness: He is able to animate shadow illusions as decoy making him easier to dodge attacks
-Raging Spirit: Only when he is going to lose he make a last try to defeat they enemies becoming hatred and reckless, (This is not completely a strenght or a weakness, is just an ability that makes him very aggresive).


WEAKNESSES
-Hide: He hates the light because he needs darkness to hide and surprise his enemies
-Melee Fighter: His fighting style needs to go melee to make the most of his attacks, so his unique defence against rangeds atacks are hidding or evading.
-No Armor: Also he is human with no armor and he is not particullary strong so he can't receive very heavy damage.
-Last Hope: he has only one potion and it's time nedeed to reach a full regeneration depends on gravity of injuries or power of the poison or curse.
-Break Uniform: Yun's ninja uniform and mask makes him practically invisible in the darknrss but if they are removed or broken will make difficultier to Yun to hide.


STORY:
Yun born in a Ninja village of a respected clan being the son of a great shinobi. Since he will was a child he trained very hard with the unique objective of becoming the greatest ninja. He was considered a prodigy by his classmates but he never minded it. Yun is that kind of ninjas that always finish their mission without caring the cost and that makes him very proud and a respected Shinobi. He could be one of the Shinobi Leaders but one day he left the village wanting for a true challenge and strongest enemies. Then, when he walked on a forest he found 2 guys fighting, Yun was able to see the great power of both warriors, then he felt something new, something that he never felt before. And since then he was training harder ever to show his abilities agains those fiery warriors and prove to the RHG's that he has not come... to lose.


APPEARANCE
Height: 1.67 m.
Wheight: 59 Kg.
Age: 21
He wears a black ninja uniform that includes a mask called, the full uniform's name is "Shroud of Shadows" and help Yun to get cover on the darkness making him basically invisible there. but he has a lot of uniforms for hidding in every kind of places as like snow. His weapon is a large Katana of tempered black steel that is nearly unbreakable with a extremely potent poison, this will not kill but paralices it's victim's body, he also loves using his 2 sharp knives. His eyes are light green, his skin color is light grey and his hair is white but it is not possible to be seen because his mask.


PERSONALITY:
Yun is a very proud ninja and and he see the defeat as something dishonorable so he will do everything on his range to reach the victory and fight until the last second, he never met the surrender or even the defeat. He is a nice guy when is not on a mission, he has friends that sometimes go with him on the missions, but when he is on a mission or a battle he changes drastically, he becomes a cold blooded, calculator, relentless, aggresive and umpredictable fighter but at the same time he enjoys when he is on a fight and more when it's getting intense. His fighting-style is bassed on ninja arts. His dodging abilities helps to avoid stress and avoid becoming nervious. he use his stealth to surprise and fit deadly slashes on his enemies. He can be an assassin-ninja but in his is not a bad person, during his childhood he learned that on every battle there is only 1 winner, and he should be that one. His honor and pride are one of his most preciate treasures as well than his katana, also called "Bloody Partner". If the situation is getting bad to him he start to use a knife with his katana. He used to be a lone wolf but he changed at his fight agsinst his new rival "Sabrina" (Another character created by me but not as a wRHG), after sparing her life, she promisef to help Yun at some of his missions.


DEMO (Click to Show)



EXTRAS

Relationship with another characters:

wRHG's which i want to fight against:
-Tabitha Stockbridge (GuardianTempest)
-Aiba (Ken Rou)
-Rhami and Astor (Acutelatios)
-Ninjakiller (Azxc)
-Aiman (_Ai_)
-Krystal (Camila)

No wRHG's but related with his story
-Sabrina "The Black Widow": Friendly
-April "The Holy Paladin": Neutral
-Ignus of Arcanine: Friendly
-Oblivion: Neutral

Battles: None Yet

Fights Results: 0/0/0/0 (V,L,D,F)

UNAVAIBLE (Already working on my first battle against Ken Rou)
Xate
2

Posts: 3,158
Joined: Dec 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 3, 2014 4:18 PM #1239800
Clarification on this "Elite Shinobi" style.
What does he look like?
How does react to people or things not related to fighting/battles?
ErrorBlender
2

Posts: 4,399
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 3, 2014 4:26 PM #1239802
Basically, follow this guide SubWoofer: The Guide.

Also, expound on Elite Shinobi style. You have a lot to do in order for this to look like anything in the guide, so hop to it. :D

You can also refer to existing profiles here in the Hall of Warriors. Click the URL of any gladiator there if you need some sort of other guide. When you've done the basic skeleton of your profile and had a demo made (remember there is a minimum number of words for it), we can help you better because as of now its just an idea with very little information we can work with.
SubWoofer
2

Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 3, 2014 5:36 PM #1239812
I'm working to fix my mistakes and improve my work's quality, also working on the demo...
Miracle
2

Posts: 1,961
Joined: May 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 3, 2014 11:24 PM #1239884
You have four different accounts?



Wot?
SubWoofer
2

Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 12:35 AM #1239906
I know, but a lot of people have more, also try to help me if you post here :|. because the post is for that.
Vanilla
2

Posts: 313
Joined: Jun 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 12:42 AM #1239910
You asked for advice but....what do you need advice with lol. You seem to know what to do just fine. :3
Crank
2

Posts: 1,849
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 1:06 AM #1239921
So is the Caps his alignment then? You might just want to leave it as Chaotic Neutral then.

I'm also fairly certain that those are what they mean either. Like, if your a neutral person, I don't think you're going to laughing with joy when you impale someone in the heart, I think that if you enjoy death that's fairly evil territory. Sounds like from that he's honor bound, even if he is fairly dark in his soul.

As far as chaotic goes though, if he enjoys killing, it seems like that'd be a given. I like to ride my bike, so I'd much rather do than lie bored in bed. I view being chaotic more as unpredictable personally.

I'm getting the vibe he's something based of Warcraft for DnD based off his abilities. Ya gotta be more descriptive with powers, not everyone is into that sort of thing, and having to do extra research to write something isn't the funnest thing in the world. Define Ultra. By cloak, I assume you mean invisibility. Is he completely invisible? Does he actually use a cloak? Define Ultra. Define mastered, especially with the senses. Heath potions? What do they psychically do? Do they numb pain and close wounds, if so, does blood loss still exhaust him, or does it supplement that as well? All kinds of curses?

When you say 'suit' are you talking about the sort of thing a lawyer wears to court? What shade of green is poison?

I don't mean to sound rude, and I hope that I don't, but is English not your first language? There were a lot of grammar issues going on, basic ones I mean. English is second (first?) nature to me, so it'd be like trying to explain how to ride a bike if I tried. Someone who's been there would be able to explain it better that I could though, but if you do know it, like if your British or Australian (going off meters and kilograms) then I really recommend being careful about it, I really can't help that much if I don't know where you're at.
SubWoofer
2

Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 1:16 AM #1239928
Ok thanks bro, exactly for those reasons i wanted a help to review this... I have 15 years, i'm from Argentina and english is not my main languaje, so mistakes can appear. Thanks to all yours to let me know what to improve :).
Chromium7

Posts: 686
Joined: Nov 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 2:51 AM #1239958
Name: Yun "The Shadowstriker"

Battle Style: Ninja/Assassin

Quote from SubWoofer
Alignment:
Lawful-Neutral-CHAOTIC
Good-NEUTRAL-Evil

Neutral: He is not someone that kills
for fun, but when he must fight or kill,
he enjoy it.

Chaotic: He prefers a battlefield or
killing people before resting on his
bed or being bored.


This can be compressed into a single section titled 'MORALITY'. Talk about how he doesn't seek out the kill, but enjoys it when it comes around. Also, explain WHY he acts this way. You say he was a ninja- start thinking about the training he went through, the sacrifices it would require, and how these events made him into the wonderful assassin he is today.

Quote from SubWoofer

ABILITIES:
-Ultra Speed and Agility.
-Able to cloak on shadows. Stealth and elusive movements.
-Mastered sensory and Enhanced Sences *Senses*. -Master of swordmanship *swordsmanship* and a skilled martial artist.
-He has emergency health potions that neutralizate *neutralize* poison, stop wound and
purify curses.
-He is able to cast shadow ilutions *illusions* as decoy making him easier to dodge atacks *attacks*

WEAKNESSES
-He hates the light because interfer on his cloaking.
-Also he is human with no armor and he is not strong so he can't take heavy damage. -Also is frecuent that he puts too much effort and get exhausted faster than normal.

There are quite a few spelling errors in this piece. I've gone through an effort to correct them for you, but understand that I'm not the one who's writing your character, or your battles. If grammar and spelling are a problem for you, it will be much easier to tackle them now, rather than later. The best way to do this- at least for some of the basic issues- is to use spellcheck. I know that Google Chrome is designed to do this, so naturally I would recommend it over IE or Firefox, unless those features have been added in a later version- in which case you should make sure you're updated. If you'd rather avoid installing new programs on your computer (even if the download is quick and easy), I would recommend you type out your stories in Microsoft Word- which I would hope you've come into contact with at some point- and paste them here once you have finished checking your spelling.
This isn't to say you'll never have a problem with grammar or spelling in your life, or that spellcheck won't ever suggest things that don't make sense every once in a while, but when those things happen, people here can let you know. Understand that even guys like me misspell the word 'recommend' just about every time they type it.

Quote from SubWoofer

STORY:
Yun born in a Ninja village of a respected clan being the son of a great shinobi. Since he will was a child he trained very hard with the unique objective of becoming the greatest ninja. He was considered a prodigy by his classmates but he never minded it. Yun is that kind of ninjas that always finish their mission without caring the cost and that makes him very proud and a respected Shinobi. He could be one of the Shinobi Leaders but one day he left the village wanting for a true challenge and strongest enemies. Then, when he walked on a forest he found 2 guys fighting, Yun was able to see the great power of both warriors, then he felt something new, something that he never felt before. And since then he was training harder ever to show his abilities agains those fiery warriors and prove to the RHG's that he has not come... to lose.

This is what artists typically call a 'rough sketch'. This is not to be confused with a 'rough draft', which I would define as a completed piece in need of revision. Your sketch is more of a summary, where you make your first conceptual image of what it is you want to create. What you have told us is that Yun is a Shinobi Ninja who was the son of a great Shinobi Ninja who was considered a prodigy, learned to complete his missions at all costs, which he takes pride in. At the risk of compressing this any further, he's basically your average Ninja; he has a mentor who will probably die, he discovers his purpose in life, and may some day have his own children with an attractive young maiden he has likely known since birth. This isn't complicated, and it's quite predictable, but it's a very good starting place. You've given yourself a great place to start your story, but now you have to go into more detail, and morph the story into something that is unique to your character. This is by no means a simple task, and the main reason that people like me end up telling stories through flashbacks is because we're still making these details up as we go.
But make no mistake, it can be done. You've already seperated your ninja from the rest by saying that he is a Shinobi ninja. What you have to do is explain why this is such a huge difference. Are Shinobi ninjas a class of ninja that already existed? Start looking it up, learn more about them, what their training rituals are, etc. If Shinobi ninjas are just a word you made up, how would you want them to fit into the world you've created. Are the Shinobis a different breed of ninja that doesn't exist in the real world? What would having a new type of ninja back in imperial Japan affect historical events? What battles could have been won that were lost, or lost that were won, and how would that affect history as we know it? Is history not your mojo? Then have Shinobi ninjas exist in a mythical realm only vaguely resembling our own, and come up with names for the armies and kings and queens and emperors and empresses that created the world in which the Shinobis came about.
Essentially, I'm saying you should be more descriptive. What you have is a great start, and if you can expand upon it, you can make your character even more interesting (to us, and to YOU, the one who will be writing him from here on out) than he already is.

Best of luck, and welcome to wRHG.
Hewitt

Posts: 14,256
Joined: Jul 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 3:01 AM #1239964
...
SubWoofer
2

Posts: 15
Joined: Aug 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 4, 2014 10:26 AM #1240067
Thanks to all you guys, i'm working a lot with all this new data :), i will try to finish this soon so you can move this thread.
Or creating a new one and deleting this i don't know what is better.
Hewitt

Posts: 14,256
Joined: Jul 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 5, 2014 12:55 AM #1240194
...
Ken_Rou
2

Posts: 233
Joined: Jan 2014
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 22, 2014 5:27 AM #1245476
By the way, are you taking challenges right now.
acutelatios
Moderator
2

Posts: 1,009
Joined: Feb 2012
Rep: 10

View Profile
Sep 22, 2014 6:20 AM #1245483
Whether he is or not, he's still not eligible to fight until he gets his demo done~
o w o
Website Version: 1.0.4
© 2025 Max Games. All rights reserved.