Drip.

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Started by: Munisylc | Replies: 4 | Views: 810

Munisylc

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Nov 17, 2014 2:52 AM #1269733

Something I wrote. (constructive) Criticism would be welcome.

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Crank
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Nov 19, 2014 4:10 AM #1270772

I don’t quite know what I just read, but I found it to be intriguing, like an atmospheric song on an album. Whatever it was was enjoyable though, very good job!

Munisylc

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Nov 19, 2014 4:04 PM #1271071

Thanks! It's actually a slightly embellished version of a dream I had about 10 years ago.

Chamel
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Nov 20, 2014 6:03 AM #1271454

Yo this was actually kind of interesting to read! Like Crank, I didn't exactly know what I was reading, but it didn't bore me, I'll tell you that much.

You certainly gave a dream-like feeling to it. It felt spacey, but connected all at the same time; almost like the feeling when you first start to wake up, but instead of moving from your bed, you just lay there. It was...peaceful. Despite the somewhat traumatic experience (or so I believe) at the end.

Not only that, but your use of short sentences was a nice touch. Even the single word sentences. It moves the story along quickly, but in a good way; one that would have a lot of emotion if read out loud.

Overall, I liked it. Nice work :)

SaulMurphy
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Nov 27, 2014 12:16 AM #1274195

Unlike crank and chamel I actually found the poem slightly strange and confusing. The amount of dashes reminded me of those 90s smses you got that were for decoration more than meaning. Understood the dream reverence but it wastes space. I feel that the size could be contained to be more powerful and meaningful.