I'm getting older, and thoughts of parenting and how I'd raise my kids seems to be creeping into my mind more and more, and it got me thinking about certain things a parent kinda has to do, and things that kids and teens seem to approach in a certain way. For example parents can often take very firm positions on certain topics like drugs, sex, school, and kids sometimes don't want to talk to their parents about problems like bullying and relationships. It seems like the best way to get around this issue is to form a relationship where all communication is encouraged, but I think we all know that's easier said than done, I remember being an angsty fuckwit that was set on shutting down all forms of communication with anyone that was outside my immediate friend group, and I doubt I was the only one.

So I've been thinking that anonymity on the internet could be a pretty easy way of getting around that. By frequenting a forum that your kid or teen's on you can be less of a parent and become something more of a peer. Asking your kid how their day was irl might get you a grunt while asking the same question might reveal they're having trouble with friends or are currently hating on a subject, allowing you to give them advice on what to so, and that advice won't be coming from a boring know-it-all nagger but from someone that is just a bit more worldly than themselves. I guess it also gives you the opportunity to see how your kid interacts with others, and allows you to learn some of their interests that they might not feel comfortable talking to you about, and in that sense it seems like a pretty neat idea.

But is it a tad bit creepy?

What do you think? Do you think this would be a good way of interacting with your children? Is this borderline spying? How would you feel if someone you looked up to turned out to be your parent? Is pretending to be someone you're not just to communicate with your child kinda fucked up? Are any of you parents stalking their kids lol?

That's creepy as fuck man. Aren't relationships supposed to be built on trust, especially among family members? If your child doesn't feel like opening up to you it means you've fucked up somewhere while rising him. Protecting your child from every problem that appears in his life is also a sign of bad parenting, this will lead to your child growing up being very dependent, unable to solve his own problems, thinking that things should just be handed to him and so on. If he ever found out, which is very likely, since as he grows older he might start recognizing some patterns between you and the forum member, the outcome might be that he will never be able to trust you any which will lead to even worse adulthood problems (and if trauma like this appears in a severe period of him growing up, it might lead to serious paranoia) and I hardly believe that you will be able to convince a child that was not willing to talk to you irl about his problem, that it was only done for the greater good.

Well yeah, relationships should be built of trust, but in reality I don't think it's the norm, in high school there was only two people in my group that seemed to have that ideal relationship with their parents, and even one of those was self harming for a month before his parents found out, and in that case it turns out he actually told one of his mates, but never got meaningful help until his parents found out. My point is that even in the best relationships there are going to be things that the kid doesn't feel comfortable opening up to. While I highly doubt my friend would have gone onto a forum and talked about cutting himself, there have been instances, even here, that people have come and asked for help, and I wonder if those people were talking to their parents and I'm generally interested in why they chose to come here for advice.

It isn't about solving your kids problems either. At that age they're moving away from you and getting their advice from other places, and I think you can either accept that and become a dock that is always there for them or try to force yourself into their lives. But this kinda lets you do both. You're always there if they want to talk to you, but you're also there as a peer giving them advice which allows them to make their own decision. You don't solve the problem, you're just giving them advice that they wouldn't have gotten before and letting them do what they will.

I don't think it would be likely that they would ever find out, having an internet persona isn't exactly hard, but I do like your point about trust issues and when I was thinking of this I didn't think it could go to such extremes. It kinda makes me more interested in seeing how members here thing they would react if one of their parents were a member.


But in all honesty I think the biggest con in all of this is that it's probably not necessary. The whole point is to be there at a time when they don't want you to be there so you can help them out if the need it and support, but there is a good chance that there are members that will be able to give advice that is just as good or even better. Would this just be pointless over parenting added onto already stalkerish behavior. I dunno, I just think the internet is changing so much about the family dynamic and think it's interesting to think about how much everything will have changed in 10 years, for better or for worse.

Moving away from your parents is a natural and a necessary process, it helps us form our identity and learn that there are different opinions, views and paths to take than the ones that we were exposed within the boundaries of our family. Actively interfering with this process might lead to a person not being able to identify and fully "find himself" which leads to an early 20's crisis. Of course, giving advice isn't really an active interference, but it might lead to you starting to interfere irl. For example if you were exposed to info that your child is being bullied or he tried a x substance with his friends and is most likely to do so again, you might not be able to stay biased in such position. You might call the school and create a lot of fuzz about your child being bullied, you might not allow him to go out anymore and while you think you're doing the right thing, in reality, it's most likely the opposite. I think that you should give your child his space but always show interest in his life letting him know that there's always someone he can come to and learning things that you were not supposed to know might actually affect your relationship the worse.

This is very fucked up. This is basically catfishing. And if the kid were to ever find out, the trust between you two would pretty much go out the door.

Yeah "fucked up" is the only real vibe I'm getting from this whole idea. Parents should be parents, not anonymous online penpals who feed them parental advice.

Quote from Shanto

This is very fucked up. This is basically catfishing. And if the kid were to ever find out, the trust between you two would pretty much go out the door.

Unless neither of you know that you are both on the same site.

Quote from GrimmtheReaper

Unless neither of you know that you are both on the same site.

Yeah, but I think the nature of the hypothetical is that the parent is actively going to the same forums as the kid in order to like "connect" to him more on a peer-level, but without the kid knowing.

Also I'm sure at some point the kid would talk about his weird fetishes and shit

Quote from sss

Moving away from your parents is a natural and a necessary process, it helps us form our identity and learn that there are different opinions, views and paths to take than the ones that we were exposed within the boundaries of our family. Actively interfering with this process might lead to a person not being able to identify and fully "find himself" which leads to an early 20's crisis. Of course, giving advice isn't really an active interference, but it might lead to you starting to interfere irl. For example if you were exposed to info that your child is being bullied or he tried a x substance with his friends and is most likely to do so again, you might not be able to stay biased in such position. You might call the school and create a lot of fuzz about your child being bullied, you might not allow him to go out anymore and while you think you're doing the right thing, in reality, it's most likely the opposite. I think that you should give your child his space but always show interest in his life letting him know that there's always someone he can come to and learning things that you were not supposed to know might actually affect your relationship the worse.

sss gets Dad of the Year award for this.