Soulfire

Started by: ryanjr | Replies: 9 | Views: 2,239

ryanjr
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Jan 14, 2015 3:32 AM #1295046
Image
Image
Awesome image made by Gaaading and Zaix's art shop.



BTW: All of this info is from the front POV.
Abilities:
Abilities (Click to Show)



Weaknesses:
Weaknesses (Click to Show)



Story:
Formed in the mantle, Soulfire is the son of the fire of the earth. He knows not why or how he was created, but he knows destruction. From a young age, he experimented with what he could do. Through years of training without contact with the outside world, he developed. He even learned to make obsidian weapons from the magma in his body. After years of training in the volcano, he left to pursue a life of crime and destruction. He revels in his victories. He still calls the volcano home. His right eye was not always gray. It was made that way by his first battle. He fought a man with a sword made of ice. He was stabbed in the eye, the blade melted inside and formed an obsidian "tumor". Hie was blinded and his eye grew cloudy. He got a healer to bring back his sight but the cloudiness remained. Soulfire discovered his last ditch effort technique when he was training and trying to improve his range. But at the end of the day, his range was no farther then before. He got angry and screamed as loud as he could muster and blacked out. When he woke up, most of his house was wrecked and some of the palm trees outside were made piles of ash while others were scorched. Soulfire fights to feel powerful, to feel like he was meant for something. He feels like he can do nothing but destroy. The only thing he found he could do creatively was make weapons. Him being made of lava helps with shaping and engraving and the cold ash can super-harden almost any metal.


Personality:
Arrogant but for a reason. He sometimes thinks he is invincible and will stand there taking hits/stabs because it doesn't hurt him or tire him. Gets angrier as the battle extends in time because he feels he should be able to beat his opponents with ease. He is good at making a quick verbal comeback, a skill (oddly enough) he learned when he trained in his volcano with no outside visitors. Huh...(shrug). He is also a wise person and is good with battle strategy and planning. He doesn't work too well with people, but can if need be. He is about twenty one years of age. He is not a hip teen but a hip young adult.

How He Uses His Powers:
Soulfire favors being on the ground and usually uses his flying ability to evade a deadly situation, for travel over long distances, or for extra jump height. He uses his weapons more often then he uses his flame or ash abilities and relies on speed and agility.

Appearence:
Soulfire is a white male with spiky black hair. He wears a black trench coat with silver clasps instead of a zipper or buttons. It includes a collar with two tails and sleeve cuffs. The trench coat has red highlights on the cuffs, collar, clasps, and pocket covers as well as the ends of the tails. Soulfire also wears a pair of kaki pants with a belt he made himself. He engraved the acronym LF into the buckle. His shoes are classy with holes at the bottom so his fire can escape. Along with everything else, Soulfire also wears fingerless gloves with holes in the palms. His right eye is gray and his left eye is red. (Sketch Coming Soon)


Demo:
Demo (Click to Show)



Battles: None.
Soulfire V.S. Omega (ryanjr vs Malacal) (W)

Points: win/lose/draw/forfeit 1/0/0/0


Availability: No


Quotes:

  • "Fire is an animal that is always hungry for fuel. It ravages almost anything it touches. But fire, like an animal can be tamed. It will be as dangerous as a newborn puppy. But I, unlike fire, cannot be tamed."

  • "Some people have clarity in their moments of rage. I am not one of them. "
Crank
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Jan 14, 2015 3:53 AM #1295049
Quote from ryanjr
After years of being in the volcano, he left to pursue a life of crime and destruction.

Quote from ryanjr
Soulfire felt as if he had won the lottery. Here was a battle that came to him. He didn't have to seek it out. He knew he would enjoy this fight as the smile on his face turned from innocence to a sign of bad intentions.

Quote from ryanjr
Soulfire realized it was a sniper... and his smile grew even bigger. He had the perfect plan, and he would show them the power of the volcano.

Quote from ryanjr
Soulfire floated over the water, admiring his work, jets of flame shooting out of his shoes. He watched the last ship sink beneath the waves. It was one of the smaller ones, but it showed victory just the same.

Quote from ryanjr
Soulfire, satisfied with the depth of his destruction, flew to the plateau that marked the door to his home.

Um...
Quote from ryanjr
Soulfire is good at heart.

Are you sure?

First off, there's nothing wrong with having a villain, but don't say he's a good guy upfront. He kinda sounds like Handsome Jack, perceiving himself like some hero in the wake of the death and destruction he causes. Honestly, your story (not talking about the demo) really doesn't pass in my book. When someone's writing your character, they're going to be basing a chunk of what they write off of that, otherwise every character would simply sound the same. We need to know hows and whys, and that's where we get them. It really isn't something you can just cop out of like that.

As far as if a character's good enough, a character will only be as good as they're made to be. I'm not talking about abilities, I don't mean their back story or personality, but rather the way that they're used. If you want to use him, you really don't need to ask that question. Your opinion is the only one that matters on that matter, and you already voted yes. Listen to Nike, Just Do It.

EDIT: Also, I think "Can only be killed by decapitation is more a strength than a weakness, and his lack of feeling pain should be added to that list too
Caelo
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Jan 14, 2015 4:08 AM #1295052
I'm analyzing this and I'm gonna say it's not bad. While I do think that he needs a few more weaknesses to balance out the strengths, I've noticed Soulfire appears to be more of a quick brawler and somebody who doesn't exactly hold up well to long periods of combat or constant harassment from somewhere he can't reach. Essentially from what I pull out, he's a close-combat berserker with little in the way of endurance and that's actually a weakness right there.

Onto his powers, it'd be good to tell how far his manipulation goes. Lava right there is a given, but how far can he reach for it? Fifty feet? A hundred? Same goes for the shooting it, range is important. Also, obsidian is a very sharp but very brittle glasslike entity that requires a specific set of circumstances to form, so will it work for him to make it under any circumstances or will they need to be natural too?

Just things to factor in when you're looking over it. Otherwise, it's well-laid out, and I like it so far. Just some corrections to be made.
ryanjr
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Jan 14, 2015 4:31 AM #1295061
Quote from Crank
Um...

Are you sure?

First off, there's nothing wrong with having a villain, but don't say he's a good guy upfront. He kinda sounds like Handsome Jack, perceiving himself like some hero in the wake of the death and destruction he causes. Honestly, your story (not talking about the demo) really doesn't pass in my book. When someone's writing your character, they're going to be basing a chunk of what they write off of that, otherwise every character would simply sound the same. We need to know hows and whys, and that's where we get them. It really isn't something you can just cop out of like that.

As far as if a character's good enough, a character will only be as good as they're made to be. I'm not talking about abilities, I don't mean their back story or personality, but rather the way that they're used. If you want to use him, you really don't need to ask that question. Your opinion is the only one that matters on that matter, and you already voted yes. Listen to Nike, Just Do It.

EDIT: Also, I think "Can only be killed by decapitation is more a strength than a weakness, and his lack of feeling pain should be added to that list too


Quote from Caelo
I'm analyzing this and I'm gonna say it's not bad. While I do think that he needs a few more weaknesses to balance out the strengths, I've noticed Soulfire appears to be more of a quick brawler and somebody who doesn't exactly hold up well to long periods of combat or constant harassment from somewhere he can't reach. Essentially from what I pull out, he's a close-combat berserker with little in the way of endurance and that's actually a weakness right there.

Onto his powers, it'd be good to tell how far his manipulation goes. Lava right there is a given, but how far can he reach for it? Fifty feet? A hundred? Same goes for the shooting it, range is important. Also, obsidian is a very sharp but very brittle glasslike entity that requires a specific set of circumstances to form, so will it work for him to make it under any circumstances or will they need to be natural too?

Just things to factor in when you're looking over it. Otherwise, it's well-laid out, and I like it so far. Just some corrections to be made.


Thank you both for your suggestions. I will make a few changes.
EDIT: BTW Crank, is the story any better?
Crank
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Jan 14, 2015 5:19 AM #1295093
"If he gets angry, his fire gets extremely hot and he goes crazy. He expels a blast of pure fiery energy. Its enough to disintegrate anything in a 50ft radius. (last ditch effort)"

That's going to need a lot more explanation. While there are many ranged fighters, there are a lot of melee too. How sudden is that blast?

As far as the story goes, I'm not quite sure yet. It should give a purpose to the character, like Larry fights because he has a huge inferiority complex, or Blake turned to a life of crime because he lost faith in law and order and feels he would be better off basking in the corruption of society.

It should be at large the 'why' of your character. What are the defining moments that led Soulfire to battle and made him who he is?
Chamel
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Jan 15, 2015 3:22 AM #1295538
He seems alright, and it seems Crank and Caelo have already picked out the few stray bits in the character itself, so I'll give a little feedback on your demo/writing, if you don't mind.

-----

First of all, the one thing that really sticks out to me is the choppiness of your sentences. For instance:
"Soulfire felt as if he had won the lottery. Here was a battle that came to him. He didn't have to seek it out."
Three sentences, back to back, all with periods. It chops up the word flow, and doesn't seem too appealing when someone reads it. Punctuation plays a big role in how you convey the story. In this instance, the frequent periods weren't necessary. You could have just as easily used a semicolon to put the last two sentences together, like so:
"Soulfire felt as if he had won the lottery. Here was a battle that came to him; one that he didn't have to seek out."
It just seems to flow better when the correct punctuation is used.

(NOTE: This happened quite a few times, but there were also some instances where it was appropriate.)

Adding on to that, your comma use could use a little work too. Some sentences seemed to have one or more commas than needed, some were misplaced, and some sentences (although very few it seems) needed a comma added.

--

Carrying on, I just want to put in here that it may not always be appropriate to use capital letters for sentences. It seems almost amateurish, in a way. That may just be me though, but it's still something I'd like you to watch out for. Using diverse words to describe how someone says something is a pretty good start. You did well with choosing to use "shout" instead of said, like most newcomers seem to do, but the capitalized were not needed in that sentence.
(I hope you get what I mean... If you need clarification, due to my inability to word that right, let me know and I'll give it a go once more.)

--

Lastly, try not to switch perspectives so much. In this case, it didn't seem to confuse me too bad due to the diverse characters, and how they acted. But in most circumstances it might have confused the reader, so just be careful about that.

-----

Now on to the good stuff~

First of all, I really like the idea of Soulfire. The whole magma-based entity idea is actually pretty neat, and I commend you on that. I also like the whole ash bit, and how he can cool or heat things with it; I personally love that addition.
I'm also pretty happy to see you chose to have a straight up villain (despite the whole former "good at heart" bit, heh). We don't see too many of those; usually just deranged lunatics with special powers who just happen to be bad. (If I recall correctly, that is)

-----

Other than that, he seems to be pretty set, and all I can do now is wish you good luck. Hope to see you around. :)
Malacal
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Jan 15, 2015 3:55 AM #1295547
Your Abilities/Weaknesses section bothers me in style. Luckily you are far better off than most new guys because that's all I have to critique.
It's mostly how you need to condense your sections, so for example:

Magma Body: Soulfire is entirely made of lava, as a result he can only killed by total obliteration of his body or substantial injury to the head. As is natural with magma, it will harden when it cools and Soulfire can use this to his own advantage. Weaponry and metal will also be warped after prolonged contact. His body also makes him comfortable in both hot and cold environments, granted he is most likely solid rock in the latter.

Just an example.
My reasoning for this is that it looks sharper, more professional, and allows you to pretend you know what you're doing (See? Nobody's figured out I'm clueless yet.).

As far as weaknesses go, don't hard-press yourself to find them, and again make them more professional looking. Plus, you can remove over half of your weaknesses and can condense them in your abilities (So back to the Magma Body, add in their somewhere that he doesn't feel pain unless he is solid). Make them something like this:

Due to his body being all magma, a hose can turn him into a lawn decoration in mere minutes.

Or something. Admittedly, it's a little difficult to actually find weaknesses and easier to find limitations.
But, use your characters aspects and find weaknesses in them. Examples, metal guys are going to have rust problems, maybe their particular alloy rapidly rusts. Maybe your character is a teenager with too much power and doesn't really have fighting experience. Or using Caelo's character, maybe you're so optimized in one category that your other areas suffer in comparison even if you're still decent (Caelo's character can use knives, but they're still an archer and their mind is geared for that, not fancy knife play). Or my character, who has tentacles on his back, without those things he can't balance himself and thus any easy way to beat him is to get rid of his tentacles. It also is a weakness to him because he is heavily reliant on them for combat.

So, that's my 50 Cent with a Nickelback

P.S. I like your character and I think mine and his character should battle. We're two of the few people on this forum willing to be the bad guy and I'll feel justified letting Omega win despite being a bad guy.
ryanjr
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Jan 15, 2015 4:02 AM #1295548
Thank you all again. I will be making a few more changes to everything and then I think i'll be set. Thank you again for helping me out.
Malacal
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Jan 19, 2015 3:12 AM #1297342
Hello ryanjr. I challenge you to a wRHG battle. Dost thou accept?
ryanjr
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Jan 20, 2015 5:13 AM #1297669
Quote from Malacal
Hello ryanjr. I challenge you to a wRHG battle. Dost though accept?


Thou dost accept the challenge.