I am practicing to write in first-person POV and I was wondering if any of you could give me a Cnc or two:

It was twelve in the night, a loud tolling came from a bell not far from where I sat. The streets were sound and empty, save for some drunkards shouting about with some fellow honkers too. I lit up my cigarette, and began puffing out smokes from my every breath as it travels deep into my lungs, poisoning it with burnt shags of cocaine. It was a new habit I recently indulged in, and addiction was inevitable. Next to me laid my favourite earl grey tea, puffing out its aromatic fumes into my flaring nostrils.


I put out my almost drained stick-of-poison, and took a sip from my beloved heavenly cup of tea. I got out of my oak stump-chair, and headed towards the balcony in my front. And I couldn't stop from admiring the view of the city- Stickopolis- from which I stood afar. So beautiful as it was and so as it is now. It has been a long time since last I stroll along the alleys in the city in which I once got beaten up always when I was just nothing but of a frail, abandoned child. I fixed my gaze upon the huge white glowing dome- StickOps Inc. HQ- planted in the center of the city, shining out its wavering radial white glow. I stood in awe, and chuckled at the sound of roaring fire crackling in the dome, "Looks like Tom got pissed off just now." I sat back on my chair, leaned forward in excitement and my eyes had the hard, dry glitter which shot from them when I was keenly interested. A sudden excitement gushed into me, I rushed into my house in which is a yard behind me, and hasten my pace towards my office.

Im probably the last person who should be judging someone else:

You kindof switchd from FP present to FP past at some places. Sometimes in the same sentence:

Quote from Matthew Murphy

A sudden excitement gushed into me, I rushed into my house in which is a yard behind me, and hasten my pace towards my office.

Along with the previous mistake, this particular sentence was a run on.

Quote from Matthew Murphy

It has been a long time since last I stroll along the alleys in the city in which I once got beaten up always when I was just nothing but of a frail, abandoned child.

I like the story and most of the writing itself. Other than that, there is nothing I can say. Overall its good.

The more of us CnCing, the better ryanjr. It helps both the criticizer and the writer get better.

Anyways, it looks good but as ryanjr pointed out, you better get the run-ons fixed and notice them beforehand. If it looks like the sentence can be split in two, split it. If they're related in a way you could use a semicolon to separate them.

Not too bad, but I'd rather like to see a more longer piece to be honest. It would have been better to actually get the feel of your writing, but for me it's a little short to actually say anything substantial about it.

Probably here's just something to keep in mind for next time, just a little observation to share to you if you allow it.

First person POVs are a little more personalized by the character you're writing from. At least that's what I've noticed about it. For me it was a bit of telling with not much showing, sure he was reminiscing about his past in the city but I didn't get to feel any sort of personality I was reading from. A little more characterizations to slip in between actions, or adding more character in general really helps out in making a story interesting and helps the reader to connect them to the character. Or at least get invested enough to read more.

As for the story, it had already been stated by the two above me of run-on words and shifting tenses. It's a little hard to catch when you're writing so make sure to proofread your piece to at least catch a few errors. It's mostly best to read it outloud and carefully, if you feel a little out of breath on a sentence or it doesn't sound right then go and fix it!

Quote from Matthew Murphy

It has been a long time since last I stroll along the alleys in the city in which I once got beaten up always when I was just nothing but of a frail, abandoned child.

Could become...

It's been a long time since I last strolled along the alleys of the city. I remembered growing up always being beaten up in them; I was nothing but a frail and abandoned child back then.

Also try to spread out your paragraphs more. When you're changing focus from one thing or scenery or you have a character talking, it's a good place to make them into their own paragraphs. Especially when it's a character talking.

Besides that, it's a meh piece, a few things to work on but there's always things everyone needs to improve on.

I hope this helps deary~
o w o

Thanks, guys! I'll keep that in mind and try to improve more :D

Note: Acu, your BB code...

Ah right, sorry about that~ I was in a hurry writing it all on my phone~