Rhaine Spark

Started by: Kazumi | Replies: 11 | Views: 2,419

Kazumi
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May 31, 2015 1:10 PM #1367918
Rhaine Spark



Abilities:
Rhaine can store and release electricity on her body as a form of attack and defense. She can also directly transfer them from the power source. Note that she cannot produce her own electricity.

Most of the time, Rhaine directly transfers electric jolts to her target to shock it by touching, punching, and kicking them (She likes to punch and kick because it's badass). She can also use this at the ground to create an electric shock wave, knocking anything in a two meter radius back. As a form of defense, Rhaine creates an electric barrier which repels any weak form of attack. When destroyed, the barrier unleashes an electrical feed that damages anything in a one meter radius. Another special thing is that she can magnetize herself in concrete structures by transmitting a large amount of electrons in a certain part of her body to attract the protons in the other objects.

When out of power, she can recharge her energy by absorbing power in an electric power source.




Weakness:
Most of her abilities are melee so Rhaine is always at a disadvantage when fighting in a ranged combat. And she runs out of power depending on how strong her attack is. So it means that she can't really spam her strong attacks if she doesn't want to run out of power quickly. She can't use her abilities when in low power except of she is attached on a power source.




Personality:
Rhaine is a short tempered, tomboyish girl. She's also prideful and is insecure to those women who act in a very girly attitude. She has an immature attitude and will easily get angry in small matters. Beside her negative traits, she has a strong sense of justice where she feels that she needs to help someone who is in trouble. But it doesn't stop her from doing illegal things like shocking an ATM to make it release a lot of money and erasing her image in the camera footage afterwards. Rhaine likes strawberries specially strawberry cakes. She doesn't like cocky people because they get in her nerves and it makes her feel like shocking them to crisp. The thrill of a battle makes Rhaine excited specially if it can push her to her limits and test her abilities.





Appearance:
Rhaine is a 16 year old high school student who has a short, black hair and a pair of brown, charming eyes. She's more or less 160 centimeter tall. Her white skin has a pinkish white tone on it. Rhaine always wears peach or yellow colored sleeved shirts. She wears a skirt with a short shorts under it. Her converse brand sneakers are paired with long, ash colored loose socks.







Story:
Rhaine is an orphan who was born with supernatural powers. She was raised by street children in the dangerous urban jungle. Eventually, the scientists of Juperos Industries, a company that deals with experimental science and military research, took her in in their laboratory at an early age of five for expiremantal and study purposes and how to make use of her as a weapon. But after two years of trial and errors in training, the scientists never found a way for her to produce her own electricity which other electromancers, electricity users can do. They planned to get rid of her because there are other useful electromancers out there and they don't want to spend more budget on conducting special trainings on her. Rhaine was left alone without anything except her laboratory gown. Desperate to live, she used her electric powers on ATMs to get enough money and she erased her image on the security cameras. Using this money, she bought her food supplies, her own clothes, her own house, and enrolled herself in a school. Not literally because she paid grown ups to do these tasks for her. I mean, a seven year old girl isn't allowed to do these kinds of transactions

Rhaine is now a highschool student and she now has a part time job as a cashier in McDonalds. She wants to earn her own money and she doesn't want to do those illegal hacking techniques anymore. But she still does it. Even if she works in a popular fast food chain, she stills goes to SP Cafe to buy her favorite caramell coffee and strawberry cake every friday. Sometimes, people called Rock Hard Gladiators challenges her to a battle and she doesn't know why. But of course she doesn't back down from challenges.

She lives a normal, battle filled life now. Not knowing that these will not happen if she ever succeeded in producing electricity during the expirements. Because if she does, she's now a living power plant. So... what actually happened to the other electromancers who was in the lab with her?





Demo:

Demo (Click to Show)





Battles:
NONE



Points:
0/0/0/0


Availability:
Not now because I'm busy with an animated RHG battle. Soon :)


NOTE: English is not my main language so I apologize if there are a lot of grammatical errors. I would be happy if you guys would point it out so I can fix it. :) I'm actually a beginner at writing and I want to get better at it. And in order to be, I need your help.
Vern
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May 31, 2015 1:38 PM #1367921
http://forums.stickpage.com/showthread.php?91733-Electroid

I can't wait to see that battle.
Urako

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May 31, 2015 5:26 PM #1367937
Hey, i saw your Guts fight. It made me laugh so hard. Anyways, welcome and good luck with future battles.

Quote from Vern


There can only be one. lol. In all seriousness though, you shouldn't be surprised. Fire and electricity are both the two most used powers accounting for about 75% of all gladiators. (Slight exaggeration.)

Off topic: I really want to see guts fight this guy.
RichardLongflop
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May 31, 2015 8:05 PM #1367946
Why not ditch all the specific moves from that power and let people use electricity in a more realistic sense? Telling people what they can do with something like electricity isn't really creative for them.

And I don't think electricity can make you hit harder, increase speed to objects or can make you attach to concrete.

Hell if the whole "electromagnetism" thing pretty much makes her bloody short-range Magneto as a side-power then that's huge. Flying even comes from that, never mind jumping. Electromagnetism would require coils and stuff though. She doesn't have coils.

This just feels like a bunch of small yet specific powers thrown together when you get pass the whole absorbing and transferring electricity thing.


Here's some examples of what the power of being able to absorb, hold and transfer electricity could do. You won't need to punch people, you'll just need to flick them or just lightly tap them on their skin and send a strong jolt with each contact. This means she can attack quickly and deal a lot of damage whilst.

She could make her own light by doing a |,,| finger sign and having the electricity jump from her index finger to her pinkie.

Water would be a very powerful tool. I'd maybe give her a bottle of water to casually carry around with her. A good concealed weapon, that.



I wouldn't have her increasing reflexes or doing any sort of mental enhancement because I wouldn't want to fuck with the electrical impulses in the brain. Making stuff faster? That would be messing around with energy (kinetic) and Electricity doesn't do that. Electricity is its own form of energy, and that would convert into heat and sound. If you set out a powerful enough jolt, the heat could be enough to form an explosion or to make extreme burns that could melt metal and whatnot but that would be very fast and use all of your energy in one go, really.


And as for recharging, slow? If most attacks make her use everything in one go, make it fast. She'd just need to search for a power source every time. Just make her a superconductor.
SJCRPV
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May 31, 2015 11:04 PM #1367990
Waffles makes some points, but I want to dedicate the time to having my own look at this character so lets go.

Abilities (Click to Show)



Personality (Click to Show)


Appearance (Click to Show)



Story (Click to Show)


Demo (Click to Show)


Now, I would also point out your orthographic mistakes, as per your request, but I'm lacking the time to do so. Just keep reading, listening and writing and eventually you'll end up absorbing the right tenses, grammatical rules and the right spelling of the words (and writing in a program with a spell check helps as well : P) I'm not a native speaker either.

One thing that would be interesting, would be to see how she would interact in a battle with my character (no, this is not a challenge. Not yet, at least. I am pondering it, though), if he were to bring his tonfas to the battle.
Still, I like the character.
Kazumi
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Jun 1, 2015 2:48 AM #1368116
your feedback helped me alot, SJCRPV(copy pasted name lol) and Waffles.

I removed the specific abilities because you guys were right. And it also gives me an advantage of using her electricity the way I like as I find new ideas for electric attacks. The reason I nerfed her barrier was because I think maybe people will call her overpowered because of that. But based on your feedbacks, having a barrier is okay so I removed that weakness. I can't really remove the magnetism in concrete objects because I want her to run on walls and ceilings pretty badly :(

As for the appearance, the beautiful part was kinda opinionated because for me, anybody who has a short hair like Yuigahama Yui and Misaka Mikoto with a fair skin is considered beautiful. So I removed that part. I also added little information on the personality.

I changed the story. I didn't really thought about that old story because it just came to my mind after a few seconds of thinking lol. And for the demo, I already removed the smileys and added a bit more of details using your examples as a reference. I'm not really good at "beautifying" texts but I tried my best out there.

Again, thanks for the effort on the feedback. I will be available soon, maybe this week to test my abilities and learn from the mistakes that are about to happen.
Haru
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Jun 1, 2015 3:03 AM #1368124
YASSS YOU DID IT KAZUMI I was waiting for this.
Now let's get started!
"What time is it? It is time to eat Strawberry cake in my favorite coffee shop, SP Cafe!" Interesting beginning.. I really like it! But I would like some more detail about SP Cafe. And how did she find this cafe?
"It is his unlikely because he cannot escape my wrath" I am laughing so hard about this. I would also like a bit more on that big sword, but since this is a demo, it's alright.
Other than punctuation and the like, It is really good! I was laughing all the way!
I might just challenge you.... Also...
"Kiro walks into the cafe and sees the wasted strawberry cake. He pays for another one and puts it on the table before walking out." Let no cake be wasted.
Chaotic Penguin
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Jun 1, 2015 10:50 AM #1368364
Ooooo a new wRHG.

A small spelling error, abilities paragraph.

I'd say it's a pretty *ok* character, cause... um... electricity.
As mentioned above some parts of your abilities are either a tad op or just too limiting. I would expand your horizons, maybe even connect to a whole new circuit (I had to try) and give some special ... I dunno, eccentricities? I read your comment and you can still run on buildings if you add something like an atomic level electron changer in her shoes. Ya know, remove some electrons and add them to your shoes, sticking you onto stuff with positive charges. Then again, it's not necessary. It's just cool. Care to elaborate on the said "improved attack and defense"? Not everything, just examples.

Otherwise, I like your writing style as well so add me to that hitlist :) Assuming you have one
SJCRPV
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Jun 1, 2015 12:26 PM #1368375
Well, I'm glad you decided to copy paste, it's already a step above those who actually try to type it without knowing what it stands for. My username is a nightmare to the dyslexic : P
Feel free to just call me SJ.

And I see you did fix a few things (or basically fixed them into the profile with a hack), and that's a start, but try to go deeper into the explanations in your following battles.
At the very least though, two things I'd like to mention.

One:
Quote from Kazumi
We all know that there aren't any metallic things in a concrete object but she can do it bacause she can.

No! >: I
At least try to give a bullshit excuse, that's just lazy. Heck, you can use the one I gave you in my previous post.

Two:
I suppose you read too much into what Waffles said and perhaps I wasn't clear enough, but, the way it is now, you actually have less than what you started with in the abilities section.
What I tried to convey was that it was ok to have the abilities there because it would give your opponent an idea of what your character is more likely to do (as long as you mentioned it yourself that those were just the likely tricks Rhaine could pull) but, in adition, you should have a general guideline for how her ability interacts with the world and herself so people who'd put her in situations you did not envision can get an idea of what a likely outcome could be.
Have a look at: Chance Downtown, Rhami and Astor (best example) or even Sebastian Gladstone (because I'm totally not egotistical) to get a better idea of how you could go about explaining your powers.
Focusing on acutelatios' example, see how she still provides options of what she can do (in the form of the arrow enchantments), but also explains what the bow can do in general. Have a go at it, if you will.
Kazumi
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Jun 2, 2015 12:24 PM #1368735
I tried to fix the things that you've mentioned the way I like it to be and maybe it looks cool now lol XD

I would like to challenge you in the next few days so that I could have an experience in a wRHG battle (if it's okay to you). I'm sure that I will learn a lot by doing this suicide challenge lololol. I don't understand how your pixels work tho



And yeah, thanks Haru.
Urako

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Jun 2, 2015 2:18 PM #1368766
Quote from Kazumi
I tried to fix the things that you've mentioned the way I like it to be and maybe it looks cool now lol XD

I would like to challenge you in the next few days so that I could have an experience in a wRHG battle (if it's okay to you). I'm sure that I will learn a lot by doing this suicide challenge lololol. I don't understand how your pixels work tho



And yeah, thanks Haru.


I think they're like cushions protecting him. Correct me if i'm wrong SJCRPV.

If he's busy though, i'd be happy to direct you to people waiting to be challenged.
SJCRPV
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Jun 2, 2015 3:38 PM #1368779
I'm sorry, but yes, you are actually quite wrong, Urako. Not entirely wrong, but almost XD

I've already sent Kazumi a PM, explaining how they work in more detail and accepting the challenge so sorry for that as well : P
To quickly correct the misconception though, I'll just quote an edited version of what I have on my character profile:

Quote from SJCRPV
He can create up to 5 cubes that he insists in calling “Pixels”, capable of freely changing their size though no larger than around the size of a football (or a soccer ball if you’re living in American soil), if you want accurate numbers, they’re about 22cm (8.7 inches) in width, length and height. They are cubes at all times and are naturally white with thick black outlines. However, Sebastian can freely adjust their color to whatever he desires. They can’t emit light so rave parties are out of the question.

These pixels are solid objects only to Sebastian. Anything that is not part of his body will pass straight through them like it was not even there. He’s capable of maneuvering them freely with his thoughts as far as he can see and bring them into and out of existence at will.
They also produce no sound whatsoever when they’re stepped on so it’s useful to sneak around on.

The pixels are also capable of absorbing more amounts of pressure than your average concrete floor which means, if Sebastian lands on them from the top of a building, he won’t actually be dead, he will just be wishing he was. Basically, he can fall from further heights without any real consequence to his body, if he lands on his pixels.



And yes, Kazumi, that is actually a lot better.