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Lien vs Penny Dreadful (oltarius vs Shock.WAV)

Started by: oltarius | Replies: 8 | Views: 1,413

oltarius

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Jul 1, 2015 12:48 AM #1377802
Alright, here it is. My first battle and Shock's second battle. Please judge us fairly, and I hope you enjoy reading our battle!

Spoiler (Click to Show)
earned his freedom. At one point, he truly believed that he was no longer a prisoner to the mad scientist, but of course; he was still, very much under their control. Not that it mattered really, he was still free in some sense of the word, and as such, the emancipated boy took his time, slowly getting his bearings back and exploring his new-found freedom.

However, one calm evening, after returning home to his apartment from a long day, Lien found a single, white envelope lying on a table. Upon opening it up, a small picture fell out alongside a piece of paper.

The picture showed a woman in a black coat walking down a street. Her coat was mysteriously splattered with red and while she was walking away from the camera, Lien could notice the eerie-looking mask that she wore. Although the quality of the picture was fairly high, Lien couldn’t make much more out of the picture aside from those features. However, one small detail did catch his eye: a strange liquid seemed to ooze from one of the alleyways, even though the picture seemed to have been taken at night, the liquid was too dark to be water, and seemed to be tinted in a deep crimson.

Breaking his attention away from the photograph, Lien discovered that the piece of paper contained information regarding the woman in the picture.

Target: Penny Dreadful
This will serve as your first mission for us, Subject 11630. The woman in the picture is your target. Your main objective is to obtain begin combating against other members of RHG and in the process. The battle will be located at a small field just outside the city, tonight. Of course, your target has also been notified about this battle and will be at the area, fully knowing about the battle. And don’t forget, refusal in fighting so will result in your collar activating. Good luck, hehehe.

“*Tsk* I knew that this would eventually happen. Well, I better get started then.” Lien said, getting ready to leave once more.


When Lien left his apartment, the sun had already begun to fall underneath the horizon, but now, the crescent moon had already risen and a fog filled the streets, engulfing all that dared to enter. Approaching the outskirts of the city, Lien noticed a slim figure in the distance. Wearing a black coat, jeans and mask, the person was, without a doubt, his target.

“My name is Lien, and I take it that you are my opponent, Penny Dreadful?” He asked loudly. Lien noticed the figure look towards him, but instead of responding with a sentence, she instead opted to take out her machete. Its metal blade gleamed in the moonlight, making a distinct contrast with the dark outline of its wielder.

“I see,” Lien said, taking her silence as a form of response. With that, Lien stepped forward and raised his arms in a fighting stance. Focusing on his legs, Lien dashed forward with an instant burst of speed. While Penny appeared to have predicted his attacks generally form, she didn’t seem fast enough to respond to it effectively. He had hoped to take his opponent by surprise and attempt to end the battle as quickly as possible.

Using the momentum from his dash, Lien quickly leaped forward, kneeing Penny square on her stomach. The force was so great that Lien could feel a something akin to a ripple go through his opponent. The ‘ripple’ sent a blast of air through Penny and launched her off the ground and a few meters away. It was a perfect attack that would have caused internal bleeding alongside some ruptured organs. At least, that’s what Lien thought.

Though the attack launched Penny through the air, and made her land on the ground with a dull thud, the next moment showed Lien that he wasn’t fighting an ordinary human, but rather, something much more sinister. Penny pushed herself off of the ground and stood straight back up. She brushed the dirt off of her as if nothing had just occurred, and simply shifted her head towards at Lien. While Lien couldn’t read it off of her face, it was obvious that she was mocking him, telling him to try again.

”Damn, she must have some sort of special ability as well.” Lien told himself. He pondered over what other kind of abilities his opponent had, he would need some more time to specifically pinpoint what her ability was, but if Penny had some form of healing, then he would need to learn how it worked and what its limits were. But in this field of grass, there was nowhere to effectively hide or ambush from, and Lien couldn’t come up with any unique strategies, so there was only one thing that he could do if he wanted to come out victorious.

”Well. It looks like the only option I have left is to beat her down hard and fast.”Lien told himself. He still maintained his enhanced speed, and prepared to try out one of his techniques. In the next moment, it appeared as if nothing had occurred. Penny stood smugly, and Lien stood still. They were standing at a fair distance away from each other, having only 5 metres between themselves. After a few seconds of stillness, Penny took out a small knife and quickly threw it at Lien’s head. The knife flew through the air at a dazzling speed. However, instead of piercing the target as planned, the knife flew pass Lien harmlessly, leaving an empty hole where anything should be.

Then, the image of Lien completely disappeared from view as if it were never there. Not that it mattered, as he reappeared behind Penny almost immediately. Jumping up, Lien instantly performed a roundhouse kick mid-air. He could feel another ‘ripple’ explode out the side of Penny’s head on the opposite side where his kick had connected that sent Penny flying through the air. She landed with another thud around 5 meters away, lying on the ground for a good while. Lin wasn’t sure how powerful Penny’s healing ability was, but if she could survive getting her neck broken like that, then he would need to continue observing her for weaknesses.

However, Penny immediately stood back up straight. The only noticeable effect that his kick had had on her was that, her neck was bent at an unnatural angle to the side. Obviously, it had to be broken, forcing her to drop into a crippled heap on the ground, but instead of falling over, she simply brushed herself off as she stared at Lien through her now broken mask; the sight of a woman watching him from such an eerie position quickly sent a chill down Lien’s spine. As he predicted, winning the fight would become even more difficult than he first thought. As he was thinking, Penny’s neck realigned itself correctly, leaving behind no marks or indications that it have just been horribly mangled from his kick.

Temporarily ignoring the thought of going up again a seemingly unkillable opponent, Lien attempted to charge at Penny with his boosted legs once more. But this time, Penny had predicted this action, and raised her machetes in advance of his charge. As Lien reached her, she swung the machete with down, making a sharp noise as it went through the air. Her slash easily had enough force to split Lien’s head in two, and it would have if he didn’t dodge in time. But even with his enhanced speed, he could only barely dodge the tip of the machete by stopping his rush and stepping off-line. Because of this, he was temporarily off-balance, and Penny, without missing a beat, continued her assault.
Taking the opportunity, Penny immediately grabbed Lien’s neck and began chocking all the air out of him. Due to the sudden attack, Lien lost his concentration on his ability and flailed around in an attempt to get her to release him. But all he managed to do was punch her with an average powered fist. Penny’s cold gaze seemed to pierce him as she raised her machete again. It seemed that she wanted this to be the final strike, but Lien wasn’t going to give up that easily. Even though he couldn’t breathe, Lien tried concentrating again. Luckily, his ability wasn’t activated through his respiratory system and he boosted the strength of his arms.

While Lien was preoccupied with reactivating his ability, Penny already begun to swing her machete towards him. It cut through the air at a frightening speed, almost reached his head before he slammed his right fist against the blade of the machete. Although he ended up sacrificing his right hand entirely, he managed to shatter the machete. With her primary weapon destroyed, Penny increased the strength of her grip, almost ripping off his head in the process.

With a major obstacle gone, Lien decided to focus on his legs again. This time however, he focused on the strength of his leg muscles, and jumped back in an attempt to gain some distance. He was still out of breath from being choked and needed time to recover his breathing. However, as he was in the air, Penny quickly took out one of her knives and threw it at Lien.

Having neither time nor energy to dodge correctly, Lien was only left with attempting to intercept the knife. For all he knew, they might have been poisoned as well. He shifted his concentration from his legs into his hands. With that, his arms began to move at an increased speed, and he managed to catch the knife mid-air. He thought that would be the end of that and prepared to land back on the ground. But as he landed, he instantly felt a sharp pain in his knee.

Looking down, Lien yet another knife, only this one had been lodged into his flesh. While he was preoccupied with the first knife, Penny had thrown another one at the area where he would land. And as predicted, it had found its way through his kneecap. The pain quickly intensified, making Lien drop down onto his knee; his right arm was also bleeding heavily at this point and with two major limbs out of commission, he was as good as dead.

”Shit; I can’t believe that I let my guard down so easily, heh. Well at least I can tell that they aren’t poisoned now” Lien told himself he knew that any complex manoeuvers would be impossible for him to perform. Penny on the other hand, was unharmed and casually walked over to the kneeling boy with a knife tightly gripped. She raised it above her head and, without warning or stalling, swung downwards towards the boy.

“You should work on your fighting skills in your next life, boy.” She uttered, cold and uncaring as her knife flew downwards. Lien, ready for the attack, instinctively raised his left arm above himself, concentrating again to strengthen it.

Lien had experimented with his ability multiple times now, but it had never shut down on him before, and he could tell when it was activated. This time however, when he tried to concentrate and activate it, nothing happened. He couldn’t feel as if anything had occurred, but instead of his limb being powered up, Lien had instead lost control of his arms. Like they had separated from his entire being; he lost all feeling and senses in his arms.

Although he had lost control over his arms, they were still raised, and miserably attempting to defend against Penny’s knife. The next moment came as no surprise, and the air became filled with the sound of metal cutting against flesh and bone. Lien had already ruined his right arm when he destroyed the machete, but the pain only grew as his blood began oozing out of the wound.
“AAHH!” The boy screamed. The incomprehensible pain flooded his mind as the killer dislodged her knife from his right arm with a grunt, leaving the boy’s arm to fall onto the grass, limp and useless. The boy doubled over in pain as even more of his blood flowed out of his arm and tinted the grass below in its dark colour.

The killer raised her knife back into the air as she prepared to swing down at her victim. The blade glistened with an eerie shine against the pale moonlight as Lien’s blood tinkled down the edge of the knife and dropped down onto Penny’s coat, leaving behind small splatters of red. In this moment, an irrelevant thought came into Lien’s mind; that this image of Penny felt frighteningly similar to the picture taken of her down by the alleyway.

Once more, Penny swung down her knife, except this time, Lien pushed off of the ground with his right leg. It being the only uninjured limb remaining, Lien had to somehow think of a plan for victory.
”Dammit, what am I even supposed to do in this situation. I can’t continue charging forward like before, but I can’t come up with anything complicated either…” Lien told himself. Not only was he out of ideas and options, but also out of time. Penny turned around and faced Lien again. He couldn’t allow her to be able to get at him again.

As shameful as it sounds, Lien’s only remaining option was to get away from Penny by crawling across the ground by using his remaining leg and arm to push him backwards. However, due to his wounds and the resulting blood-loss, all he managed to was fall onto the ground. He was immobilised and the pain begun to numb his mind and body. His breathing became ragged with short intervals as he watched Penny walk over towards him.

Penny obviously noticed that Lien was out of options and walked as slowly and as calmly as she pleased towards the boy. She enjoyed watching the novice try to fight tooth and nail for survival, and eventually breaking. For that reason, she didn’t immediately strike him when she reached him. She just looked at him, as if examining a piece of artwork displayed at the museum. She held a bizarre combination of fascination and excitement in her eyes, savouring every second of his suffering.

”Damn it, think! I have to end this soon, and the only way I may be able to do that is if I can destroy her brain, and by now, I think that my ability should be reusable.” Lien thought. It was a win or lose scenario, and Lien had to bet everything he had on it. He focused deeply on his right leg and increased its speed, and in the split second that ensued, the boy threw away his thoughts of pain and pushed himself off of the ground with his foot and found himself upright in front of Penny.

Before Penny could react, he then directed his focus onto his right arm. Increasing its speed, he launched a lightning fast roundhouse punch to the side of her head. Aiming specifically for her pterion, if he could crush that, then hopefully he could reach her brain too. Lien wasn’t done with his assault either, just as his attack was about to land, Lien shifted his concentration from his arm and changed its boost from speed to strength. Strengthened from both its power and momentum, his punch landed solidly and its force rippled through her head.

The force of the attack blew Penny 10 metres away, and a dull thud could be heard as she fell to the ground. Out of energy, Lien slumped down and tried to rest, but Penny was trying to push herself up and off of the ground. Lien watched helplessly as she rose. She stared directly at him again, her cold eyes seemed to pierce through as panic flooded his senses; him as only to be relieved and confused as she then fell to the ground.

”What the… Did she heal her brain? But then, why did she fall over? Did I destroy another part of her body? Wait… Did I, break her neck as well?” Lien asked himself. Penny wasn’t moving anymore, but he had to be sure. Standing back up again, Lien slowly walked over to the seemingly dead Penny. Although his pain and anaemia began to catch up to him, he managed to arrive just in front of Penny after a few minutes of wobbling. She wasn’t moving anymore, but he had to be sure, and crouched down beside her. Charging his fist up, he concentrated on it once more, and unleashed his fist onto her skull; smashing it completely.

With the battle over, Lien fell onto his back and breathed heavily. His senses were all numbed, but he knew that everything was over. As he fell unconscious, he saw some people come over and pick him up. The last thing he heard as he was carried away was
“Very good Subject 11630, you have now officially won your first battle. Heal up well be ready for your next.”

[/spoiler]

Spoiler (Click to Show)
was only just breaking. The skie
Vern
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Jul 2, 2015 8:52 PM #1378467
I liked this battle a lot, for some reason I can't get enough of Shock.WAV's writing though :3
Malacal
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Jul 3, 2015 4:23 AM #1378610
Your writing is very repetitive Oltarius. Try to cut down on redundancy as much as possible. You don't need to tell the audience twice that Lien needs to make sure Penny is dead. You have also seen the comma, saw that it was vaguely club-shaped, and in irony decided to beat it like a dead horse. Sometimes you're combining so many dependent and independent clauses that one sentence warrants half a paragraph. If you don't know how a comma works then it's better not to use it at all. Then we can give you CnC on how to use it later, giving examples in your stories when to make two sentences come together.
Your more damaging moments also seem to lack impact, regardless how far they fly.
"Using the momentum from his dash, Lien quickly leaped forward, kneeing Penny square on her stomach. The force was so great that Lien could feel a something akin to a ripple go through his opponent. The ‘ripple’ sent a blast of air through Penny and launched her off the ground and a few meters away. It was a perfect attack that would have caused internal bleeding alongside some ruptured organs. At least, that’s what Lien thought."
You make it too narrative which doesn't flow as well nor sound as awesome. You could describe the ripple and the satisfaction it brought to have his knee sunken deep into his opponent before Penny then departed hastily into a tree or something. Then you could describe the injuries instead of saying what they should've done. You did it with the neck, why not here? Say she coughed up a significant amount of blood or something before she then stood up as though nothing ever happened.
But... you're pretty good otherwise mate, keep up the good work.

I'll bring more on Shock.WAV's part later.
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Jul 4, 2015 2:10 AM #1378938
Holy crap...
Shock's ending... Shock's ending... XD
Crank
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Jul 4, 2015 2:15 AM #1378940
oltarius (Click to Show)


Shock, I have to practice waking up ungodly early for the day after tomorrow, so I'll try to give you some CnC when I wake up after stop hating everything!

But before I pass out, this way lit me up!

“Pssh, it dunna. Jus’ pityin’ the Groundskeeper. Shoulda seen him flip this one time, this pub back home utterly f---in’ trashed. ‘E’s all like, ‘’Oo did this’, an' of course we all point to Myers…”
oltarius

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Jul 4, 2015 5:58 AM #1379000
Quote from Crank

First off, props for taking on a guy like Shock for your first fight! Ya got balls, and I respect that!


Haha, to be honest, I accepted his challenge because I was excited to have my first battle. I didn't fully realise exactly what I was up against until I read his other battle xD
Malacal
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Jul 4, 2015 7:09 AM #1379013
Quote from Crank
It's like having cereal without milk. Sure, I mean you can do it, but for the most part you have to plan ahead for that. If you pour a bowl and then open your fridge in dismay, tears are going to be streaming.


I have nightmares about this.
Crank
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Jul 4, 2015 10:17 AM #1379074
And that's why there's 2 gallons of milk in my fridge right now.

Other than that, geez Shock! I honestly can't think of anything you're missing. Your story was short and sweet ('sweet' for expression reasons only mind you), the fight had a solid flow and all the character interactions felt spot on. I especially liked the accent and Penny's stutter, you really don't see much of either of those much these days!

I don't know what to tell you man, it was just really good! I can't think of anything I'd add
Malacal
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Jul 5, 2015 2:39 AM #1379293
Uh Shock, I have one piece of CnC advice for you: Typos. You had lots of them, please fix them before posting a battle :P
Otherwise it was a really enjoyable read. Good work mate.

Edit: After voting I saw the results. I'm sorry oltarius.
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