So, any positive remarks then? ^^
I'm terrible at compliments... uhhhh.... hmmm.... it was good keep up the good work...? heh heh...
yeah... that should please him...
Alright Urako, here we go:
Sin Tally 0:
Uh, just from looking at this, the lack of indent looks odd. I'm not deducting points for this it's just that it looks... off. Although, I suppose this hardly matters when I choose who to vote. That's why this is sin tally 0. This also could've been some conversion thing.
Sin Tally I:
"very nice"
If at all possible, avoid these words, especially in conjunction with each other. There are much better ways to say very and there are innumerable synonyms for every word in English so... get creative with vocab basically. Also, nice is so overused it's like beating a horse that has long since corpse-sploded and then been buried by the repeated kicks. It's a dead word most of the time.
Sin Tally II:
" People ducked left and right looking for cover. Though few were fortunate enough to find any. The bullets kept sailing past him so close, he felt the wind rush up against him. He heard the sound of concrete cracking to the explosions, but he kept on ahead. He had to keep going. And after what felt like an eternity, he arrived at his destination."
I had to read this twice. Why? You might ask, and that's a good question. You're starting a new paragraph and not stating who is who. Due to your previous paragraph focusing more on Gamma, I assumed it was about him. Then it made no sense so I had to reread it from Urako's perspective.
Sin Tally III:
Same section of text as Sin Tally II.
This paragraph was good about until the third sentence began. You aren't capturing the chaos enough in my opinion. After all, this is a load of bombs and bullets flying... wait... aren't agents supposed to be stealthy? I suppose it's more fun this way though... So now I'll do the Crank thing and grant you an improvement.
Dozer could hear the whizzing of bullets sailing past him mere centimeters from his head and the wind of them breeze against him. He could hear the shattering of concrete as deafening explosions fell down all around him. But despite the bombardment of sound and shock waves, Urako knew he needed press on and find shelter.
Then after this you might describe how he nearly gets injured multiple times before he then finds himself at his destination.
Sin Tally IV:
" He ran behind the building, and then he quickly checked her for injuries.
'Are you alright?'
'Yes, I’ll be fine. But what was with that?'"
Wait, when did Dozer bring the girl with him? These things must be clarified beforehand!
Sin Tally V:
"Dozer to lunge at him and hit him in the ribcage with a blue charge"
Minor thing here, your entire audience isn't going to understand the relevance of a blue charge (like yours truly) because they are too lazy to read character portraits before a battle (like yours truly...). You might at one point in the battle describe how it goes through a charge-up rainbow before blasting a red bolt at the opponent. This is just to show, yes, the blue charge is somewhat powerful.
Also yeah, Vern did this too I just didn't think to point it out at the time.
Sin Tally VI:
Clarity.
Between many typos and lack of usage of pronouns it is sometimes difficult to follow. Also, sometimes your usage of advanced verbiage is botched by a missing word or just not fitting the situation too well. I suggest you get a proofreader for this sort of thing if you can't quite get it yourself.
Indulgence Tally I:
I liked your ending.
My vote goes to Vern, sorry Urako, your clarity killed it for me. Although I am impressed by your activity and rapidly growing talent here on the forum and hope to see more of your work.
