Quote from Malacal

Oh my. I must say from first looks I'm already impressed. Two new guys and the stories aren't filled with spelling mistakes, bad grammar, and awful plot (from what I can tell).
I'll proceed with CnC in a bit... for now I'll read.
*snip*

Aric, you judgement is coming. (Click to Show)

Sin Tally I:
You have frequent character interjections that sort of take away from the story. I understand that it's from Aric's perspective but... it kinda takes away from the story.
Especially the one part with The Runist being on a motorcycle (all this Maxar and Marcus stuff is confusing me, they're too similar.) That part would've sounded much better like so:

What beheld his sight was most surprising. Maxar began analyzing the scene and came to the realization that there was a man on a motorcycle driving towards; said man had only one arm.

Something like that... personally I'm not grand at improving upon work. If I want to "Revise" something I bulldoze it and lay down a new foundation. Needless to say, I will not work in construction simply placing new tile on the roof would lead to removing the second floor.

Sin Tally II:
Agh, I can't copy/paste. This will make CnC more tedious.
Okay, so at towards the end of the conversation with Paul, the dialog is just back and forth words. This just feels... awkward. If there's one thing I hate it's dialog done with only dialog. People do things while they talk usually, they aren't statues that trade words. You did well in the beginning of the conversation, but at the end it fell apart.

Sin Tally III:
You didn't allow copying and pasting on your Doc, making CnC more difficult.
(This is meant to be a joke sin, but please allow it next time.)

Sin Tally IV:
While not really important, MacGuffin's Mechanical Supply should be Italicized, not bolded. Or you could just have the name with capital letters at the beginning of each word and people would understand nonetheless.

Sin Tally V:
The accent is a bit extreme. Shadowolf is a Highland Celt and all but... this is just a little ridiculous. I could understand a few apostrophes but not "wulnae."

Sin Tally VI:
You change perspectives quite frequently, almost every paragraph it seems.I would suggest making switches in perspective only at drastic moments in combat or if you have a very slow fight going on. Also, I need you to whip me for my sin of using the word "very."

Sin Tally VII:
I know you've already gotten crap for the "and then an hour went by" stuff. In your defense you almost did it right.
Your timing of saying an hour went by is actually what killed this. If you want the eternal combat feel then you need to throw the descriptors in first. Say that every pillar that came he destroyed and the numerous protection runes served to drag the fight into a tiring eternal dance, soon to be fated to whoever makes the first mistake or collapses of exhaustion. THEN, when something different happens and there is a breathing point, comment on how the sun has moved so drastically.

While Aric had 7 sins (hue, that was unintentional) to Shado's 10, Shado's were less serious. In fact, Aric, with all the "Yes, bafahojoa'sfjic" and odd speech from character perspective, you dropped the quality of your work. For that, my vote goes to Shadowolf.

But, impressive showing from the both of you. I've never seen two new guys show up and have such quality. You both have a ways to go, but you're definitely some of the best rookies we've had yet... I wash I was this good when I started out...

Quote from Shadowolf

Malacal, I just had to do a small quote from your critique of Aric after I finished chuckling: "I wash I was this good when I started out..."
Well, good luck with your bath tonight, Malacal....