Can I change my God to HewHew? I need that life, but if not, I will stick to Nishtar.
Edit: Okay, I change my god into HewHew. Majority rules.

Majority rules, so if you change your vote, it just shifts the majority more.

Majority rules, I guess. Wouldn't matter at this point :P

Let's get this thing started!

This is the symbol of your god, the mighty metal bird HEWHEWHEW, may his feathery ass watch over you. [Note: Hewitt will be asked from time to time if he wants to allow a miracle or curse to happen, as well as me doing miracles and curses at my own discretion. Don't like? Choke on it.]

By picking this god, you start off with these spells:

-Weak Ass Fireball
-Weak Ass Lightning
-Weak Ass Icicle
-Weak Ass Gust
-Weak Ass Teleport

Now, your Quest truly begins, brave Wizard!

Now, THIS is your objective:



You've been a Wizard for His Majesty for 20 years now, and you weren't really expected to do much. You were one of many, no need to stand out, you got food and a place to stay and were pretty much left alone. Then the Princess turned 21, and got a body like a living goddess. When you saw her blow out the candles on that cake, you knew that you wanted her to blow something else, and have a different kind of cake.

These are all innuendos, for those who aren't smart enough to follow.

That said, you can't just go up to her, for several reasons. One of those reasons is this:


The King. Her father. This piece of chiseled badass was forged through years of war, which led to this country becoming as relatively peaceful and prosperous as it is now. In his youth, the king killed armies on his own, showing skill with both his giant blade GOD PENETRATOR, named after his dick, and his unparalleled magical ability. When his wife passed away after giving birth to his daughter, The King mourned for one year, then proceeded to take a new concubine every week because few could handle him. It is rumored that he remains an unstoppable force of manliness through eating lightning and the hearts of lions, but you know this to be a lie. His diet consists of the hearts of bears that have been attacked by werewolves and murdered by his own two hands (called BearWolves), raw vegetables and pussy.

Getting his approval will be the first step towards getting into his kid's bed.

Next, you'll have to impress the Princess herself. To do this, you must earn REPUTATION (which gets you an audience with royalty in the first place), and raising your 3 CORE STATS:


CHARISMA: If you can't charm people, then you're dying having only banged normal ho's. Nobody wants that, now do they?

MAGIC ABILITY: You're a WIZARD, NUMBNUTS. Raise your magical ability so you can perform amazing feats to get those lack of panties wet.

SEXUAL SKILL: If you can't turn her on, you're getting turned to the curb with blue balls and a lot of general laughter pointed at you.


There are minimum requirements for each stat to be at to successfully woo the Princess; however, over-raising one can help you out if others are too low, so it's totally cool to focus on one area and only kinda grind the others. If you wanna just do that or something, who gives a shit.

So, let's have you actually doing shit now.

You wake up the morning after realizing you want to bang a chick a little under half your age.



What're you gonna do first?

Look outside the window.

Quote from Lamitrov

Look outside the window.

You are being ignored for not following rules. :P

Quote from Azure

You are being ignored for not following rules. :P

>Look outside window

Azure is compensating for something because 2 of the 3 core stats are freudian in nature

Quote from Hewitt

Azure is compensating for something because 2 of the 3 core stats are freudian in nature

If ever we see the god, I'm making him look like an asshole.

>Brush my beard.

>Go back to sleep

>teleport outside

>turn my swag on

>Take a shower, brush my teeth and beard. Put on a nice clean wizard hat and gown.

You can't impress anyone if you're messy and your breath smells like a rat died of leprosy in your throat.