Musashi, the lone swordsman

Started by: Date Masamune | Replies: 14 | Views: 1,665

Date Masamune

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Oct 27, 2015 7:11 AM #1411285
Name: Musashi

Abilities: He is a skilled swordsman who wields a modified katana that houses a gem in the pommel that, magically imbuing the sword with fire magic that super heats the blade to make it glow red, allowing him to cut through stuff like plate armor or other stuff swords usually can't cut through. He also his above average strength, speed, and reflexes, roughly three times of the average man, due vast amount of experience from his training and fighting. He also wears a wristband on his right hand to defend himself against elemental attacks by putting up an energy type barrier.


Weaknesses: Although his wristband can shield him from elemental attack, the shield can only last for so long and will be destroyed if the attack is too strong. The shield also does not protect him against non elemental attacks or weapons. He also has trouble against ranged weapons like bows, crossbows, and even firearms.

About/Story: As a baby, he was abandoned by his parents and was left at a orphanage with no name and was raised there for seven years. One day, after not not being able to be adopted, he ran away to to try and make his own life instead of having one come to him. After a few days, he walked deep through a forest near where he ran away from, hungry and tired from lack of food and sleep. As he collapsed near a stream, an elderly man walked up to him and gave him water and some cured meat to revitalize the young boy. With nowhere to go, he followed the man back to his small house in the woods, deciding to stay with him for the time being. During his stay, he learned that this man was an old warrior monk from long ago and was the last of his kind due to more modern times and lack of a need for fighting monks. He decided to stay longer due to the old man not kicking him out and allowing him to stay, and considered the old man as a parent figure. One day, on their way to a small village, they saw a bunch of bandits attacking a trader's caravan outside of the town. The old monk approached them to get their attention, scaring the boy for he feared that he might be killed, and the bandits turned to attack him. In a short instant, the monk, armed with nothing but his walking stick, defeated the bandits and sent them away, making the boy watch in awe at his skill. As he surveyed the damage the bandits made, the boy begged the monk to train him so he can help people and stop evil acts like this. The monk reluctantly agreed due to him wanting to pass his teachings to someone and not letting his way of life die off. For fourteen years, the old man trained the boy in the ways of martial arts, swordsmanship, and gave him an education as well so he can be more than just a swordsman. During that time, he took the name of Musashi so that he can have a name of his own and an identity of his own. At the age of twenty one, the monk had taught him everything and bestowed him a katana that he held onto called the Seigi No Ken, the Sword of Justice. Armed with this and the knowledge he was given, he gave the monk his thanks and said his goodbyes, then went off on his journey to help people he meets on his travels. After three years of traveling, he gets stronger and wiser with each battle and still continues on his mission of helping the anyone he comes across to bring peace.

Personality: He has a strong urge to help people in trouble, especially families for he know what it's like to not have a family. He is compassionate, caring, and will do anything for any friend he makes. However, because or this, he usually ends up doing things without thinking if it involves helping his friends. He is also confident in his skills to know that whatever he gets involved with, he'll come out alive. And he is also easily angered when people he cares about are harmed or threatened. But what is most known is that he has an extreme hatred for wicked and evil people and swears to stop evil as much as he can, and will not stop until he succeeds.

Appearance: Musashi is a twenty four year old that stands tall at roughly six feet tall and weighs about one hundred and ninety pounds or so, and has an average built which is not too muscular and not too skinny. He also his short dark brown hair, green eyes, and tanned skin due to all the time he spent outside training. For apparel, he wears black leather boots, blue denim jeans, a black leather belt to hold his sword, a red T-shirt with the kanji for Bushido in black on the chest, a silver wristband with a aquamarine on his right wrist, and wears a light brown leather full body coat to hide the sword in public.

Demo:
Demo (Click to Show)


Battles:

Points:
W/L/T/F

0/0/0/0
Malacal
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Oct 27, 2015 9:08 PM #1411392
Ah, way to go full Otaku on all of us.
Alright, first off are your abilities. I'd suggest you completely remove the elemental capabilities and replace it with something else. I know this sounds ridiculous, but the four elements hardly fits into your paladin-esque theme around your character. Plus, "Sword of Justice" hardly strikes me as "Earth, Fire, Water, Air. In the beginning, the four nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the fire nation attacked." I dunno, make it more... justice-y. Same goes for the wristband.

I also have to gripe about your story, you tend to go between past and present frequently, keep the tense in one tense, please.

The rest I don't care about.
Date Masamune

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Oct 27, 2015 11:05 PM #1411426
I'm just trying to be original, didn't think people would find it conflicting. Story I can adjust, but it's hard for me to think of other abilities that no one else here has and that may end up me having to change my demo as well.
Malacal
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Oct 28, 2015 12:52 AM #1411454
If you want uniqueness, I'll have you know I have elemental powers.
Don't go for unique, you need a theme that makes sense. Currently you have the Avatar with a sword.
Hewitt

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Oct 28, 2015 1:02 AM #1411457
Okay I dont know when this started being a thing around here, but can we please stop dictating what kind of powers people ought to have unless that basis is on the fact that it makes a character OP.

You have no right to tell people how "unique" they ought to be because battles are not determined by originality but by skill.

Fyi, OP is probably influenced by a certain elemental swordsman of myth in the Samurai era who helps people out in the name of justice. I mean its in his name, damnit. So, no Date, you are not original. And no, Malacal, he isn't unique. But that doesn't mean his entire character is void based on that presumption.

Let the kid do whatever the fuck he wants.
Cruel
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Oct 28, 2015 5:20 AM #1411507
It kind of bugs me that the elements go ice, fire, lightning, then wind. I mean it's cool, and do what you want, but isn't lightning usually categorized with fire? You could have totally given him earth powers too since you were going with the whole elemental thing.

I don't understand how being "OP" is a fucking thing in this. Basically the only thing that is op is if your character is literally just Super Man. Aside from that, to use marvel/dc hero's as an example of characters that fight each other often, EVERYONE has lost a fight no matter how op they are. Even superman. So unless a character is just "He's invincible, can't die, and anything he looks at dies instantly and there's no way to stop it" then to me "OP" doesn't really exist.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel something is overpowered, find a creative way to beat it. Almost everything has a weakness, no matter how strong it is. And if you can't kill the character, kill his family. Hit him where it hurts. I don't know, just have fun with it. That's the point of this anyway.
Date Masamune

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Oct 28, 2015 5:29 AM #1411510
The reason I went with those powers because wind is for distance attacks, ice is to freeze an opponent to a certain degree with an attack, lighting to deal with water attacks, and fire to well.....Burn stuff. I could go with the idea of a sword that is imbued with a gem that super heats the blade to a high enough temperature to cut through plate armor. And I like the wristband idea, it's just to defend against elemental magics to a certain degree, it is useless against long ranged weapons like bows, crossbows, and even guns.
Cruel
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Oct 28, 2015 6:47 AM #1411525
Quote from Date Masamune
The reason I went with those powers because wind is for distance attacks, ice is to freeze an opponent to a certain degree with an attack, lighting to deal with water attacks, and fire to well.....Burn stuff. I could go with the idea of a sword that is imbued with a gem that super heats the blade to a high enough temperature to cut through plate armor. And I like the wristband idea, it's just to defend against elemental magics to a certain degree, it is useless against long ranged weapons like bows, crossbows, and even guns.


Well it's your character bro. I like the gem idea. Over all I like it. And yeah like said above, watch your tenses when you write. Your demo get's confusing to read in some parts.
Urako

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Oct 28, 2015 2:32 PM #1411597
It's your wRHG. Originality is good, but what is really important is that you enjoy using the character and others enjoy fighting it.

That said, we can still offer suggestions. And I don't think adding the ability to use earth magic with you sword would hurt. You don't have to use it if you don't want and it may come in handy later.
Date Masamune

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Oct 28, 2015 5:30 PM #1411619
I changed it up a bit and fixed any tense errors I made. If anyone finds more mistakes, let me know. Also, I'm just waiting for a mod to okay me for battle.
Urako

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Oct 28, 2015 6:04 PM #1411629
Quote from Date Masamune
I changed it up a bit and fixed any tense errors I made. If anyone finds more mistakes, let me know. Also, I'm just waiting for a mod to okay me for battle.


Including wind, lightning, and ice is perfect fine. IMO taking them out was a mistake. Those elements allow for more moves and ways to manipulate the battlefield.

By the way, whether or not you're okay to battle is not decided by mods, but rather by the majority of the people. Everyone's okay with your character and has only offered suggestions. You're clear to fight right now. Mods only have the final say of whether or not a character is clear if there is a debate (They said so in the help rules).
Vern
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Oct 28, 2015 7:02 PM #1411646
Heya! Glad to see some new faces in the Writer's Lounge, hopefully you'll stick around ^^.

Never mind all the issues concerning your character concept's originality, concept is just one facet of storytelling, and if anything what matters most is execution. If you've ever heard of One Punch Man, it's a manga and apparently an anime I've never seen nor read, but the concept's simply a guy who kills everything in one hit. Sounds like it'd get boring real quick, yet all I'm hearing is praise, so that means that despite a half-baked concept, they still manage to execute it in such a manner that people love it.

Now, of course we can't expect the same level of scenario writing from you, but that's okay. A lot of people seem to forget that when we write, we all start somewhere and whether we want to admit it or not, our first characters would always be clichéd one way or another. So well do your best now and maybe later we'll be seeing lots of great things from you? ;)

Whatever, as Urako stated you don't need a mod's stamp of approval, only the community's.

Moving on, there's still a few grammatical mistakes in there and typos, so perhaps you should do another thorough check.

When it comes to characters, I usually tend to say "less is more", implying that you need to get rid of everything that wouldn't really seem to fit the gimmick. You did well on removing the elemental powers even though you did not have to. I won't go in to depth as to why your story, personality and appearance are generic cause frankly I don't think I need to tell you, but I'd rather say that despite it being cliché we haven't seen characters like this as of late so perhaps you could give it your own, nice spin and make it something that stands out :)

Regardless, I can't give you that much feedback on characters since I think that's something everyone should work out for themselves and I have no apparent issues with yours as it stands. So hopefully we'll be seeing some more work from you in the form of a battle soon, and I'll be sure to give you more thorough feedback when that time comes ^^.

Alright, good luck out there.
Date Masamune

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Oct 28, 2015 7:19 PM #1411651
Thanks man, and I'll look over again to deal with errors. As for personality and all that, I'm kinda inspired by the Rurouni Kenshin series and combine him with two of the characters, Kenshin Himura and Hajime Saito. While Kenshin takes a vow to never kill again but will do anything to protect the weak and help the oppressed, Saito is more of the guy who will kill for he follows a simple code of Aku Soku Zan (Slay Evil Immediately). So I try to have that balance where my guy will help those he sees and will not kill if he thinks the person he fights is a redeemable person. If they are truly wicked with no remorse, then he will slay them so they do not bring any more harm to others. And I think removing the elemental part of my sword actually makes it more straightforward and match my guy's straightforward goal.
Vern
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Oct 28, 2015 8:21 PM #1411663
Quote from Date Masamune
Thanks man, and I'll look over again to deal with errors. As for personality and all that, I'm kinda inspired by the Rurouni Kenshin series and combine him with two of the characters, Kenshin Himura and Hajime Saito. While Kenshin takes a vow to never kill again but will do anything to protect the weak and help the oppressed, Saito is more of the guy who will kill for he follows a simple code of Aku Soku Zan (Slay Evil Immediately). So I try to have that balance where my guy will help those he sees and will not kill if he thinks the person he fights is a redeemable person. If they are truly wicked with no remorse, then he will slay them so they do not bring any more harm to others. And I think removing the elemental part of my sword actually makes it more straightforward and match my guy's straightforward goal.


Ah well, nothing wrong with drawing some inspiration from other characters I suppose, though the trick is to not directly take over the values, principles and workings of other characters, but take that inspiration and use it to make something that is yours!

My character Gamma has taken some inspiration from Metal Gear Solid and Splinter Cell, and I guess there's some similarities to be drawn though admittedly I'd come up with the concept of this character before I got inspired by either of those franchises, but it's helped me focus down on what matters because he was a giant toolbox before he became what he is today (still a bit of a toolbox, but it fits the gimmick).

I never saw Rurouni Kenshin (well I don't really watch anime anyways) but as the others pointed out, your character seems very anime. What you do with it is your choice though, if you like your character the way he is now then I'm not at place to tell you how to do it ^^.
Malacal
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Oct 28, 2015 8:38 PM #1411665
I do like the new power for the sword. :D
At this point, I think you have the community's permission to get yo ass whooped. I would suggest you be the one to challenge someone, waiting takes forever. I think I have been challenged once across my nine or whatever battles. The gauntlet doesn't count because I invited the challenge and made it clear it was the last chance for everyone...

But yeah, challenge a nerd, a noob. Don't get salty if you lose :P