LuCiel (wRHG)

Started by: SuXeSoN | Replies: 6 | Views: 1,100

SuXeSoN
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Oct 28, 2015 11:06 AM #1411573
LuCiel




Image
(Fun Fact: I made this waaaaaay too early in the morning when I can't sleep)

Appearance


- Lu stands at 174 cm, and weighs 57 kg
- Lu's eyes would be yellow, if he's in control. Red if Ciel is
- Lu's favourite colour is 'black', so he would be most likely be wearing a black t-shirt and trousers when you encounter him
- Ciel is a jet black Kingsnake which is originally 5 feet long, now he can expand to be even longer
- Ciel's eyes are usually black, unles Ciel becomes aggressive and/or takes full control of LuCiel

Abilities:


Abilities (Click to Show)


Weaknesses:

Weakness (Click to Show)


Story:

Story (Click to Show)



Personality:

Personality (Click to Show)


Demo:

Demo (Click to Show)


Battles:


None


Points:

Points (Click to Show)
Kamiroo Wolf
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Oct 28, 2015 4:22 PM #1411606
Heyo! Neat character!

I highly encourage a more in depth description of his appearance, though it is entirely up to you. Just helps when others try to describe LuCiel and it looks better.
Malacal
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Oct 28, 2015 8:46 PM #1411669
"you need to kill all of Ciel's clones"
Your abilities mention nothing of clones. Either that, or I'm blind.

I would suggest just improving the layout of this and just improving this over time. My only real gripe is paralysis is kinda final in most fights, and with the snakes shape-shifting abilities it would be hard to write around the fact that it would be near impossible to avoid snake bites. The other poisons aren't a "I win" button so I think they're okay.
But, yeah, add some more clarity and you're okay.
SuXeSoN
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Oct 29, 2015 1:58 PM #1411961
The mention of clones are in the story, and since i made that first I didn't put it in the abilities section.

- Added more detail to LuCiel's appearance
- Changed "Paralysis" to "Slowing", but if people want Ciel to be able to use paralysis you may go ahead. I'll try to avoid using it, unless LuCiel's enemy is obviously superior to LuCiel.
Malacal
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Oct 29, 2015 9:12 PM #1412038
Well, I saw the story. Thing is, your story shouldn't be an abilities section. You should have ALL of your abilities in the abilities section.
Haru
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Dec 20, 2015 8:29 PM #1424305
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COPY ELSWORD PLZ
NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT NAME
anyway, the character is pretty unique, so I guess it is fine.
Writing's good for a beginner too.
Malacal
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Dec 21, 2015 2:52 AM #1424437
This is an old post, don't necro. :P
I you want to talk to him, send a PM to see if he's alive.